Triggering, Missing (hypo) mania

I miss (hypo)mania every single day. I miss being high. Feeling like everything is interesting, feeling sharper, Alive, present..

sick of this passive feeling of emptiness, regret slight depression , acting like everything is okay, when my life up to now has been like a sick joke.

I wish I could live everyday manic. I'd be so happy. I'd have money, friends, and good sex life.

Have you ever purposely triggered mania? I've heard too much caffeine. Drugs, of corse. And stopping meds.

I know it's destructive and don't want go experience the out of control highs that ruin relationships and everything else.

Idk. I just wish there was some sort of method to stay slightly above the medium.

I feel like there's no such thing as a medium, when I see that bipolar chart. I stay in the middle for very long periods of time. But, that medium is always slightly depressed, down.

Bit of rant.. Just feeling blllahhhh lately

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I can relate ... I miss the highs when I'm not high!

But sure I have to remind myself of the destruction that it can (because it has in the past) caused ... gives me a bit of a reality check.

If I could have it without any negative side effects bring it on

PS: I've never intentionally induced it ... don't think I'd recommend anyone to go down that route.

Like any addition, the allure of mania comes at a very high cost.

(((((((Christopher1990)))))

i'm sorry