[Jensitive22]

So my oldest daughter is planning her wedding, this being her second marriage. (I have 3 grown children, all have been married and divorced.) Each wedding and all of the social activities that went with them were very hard for me. Extreme social anxiety and financial hardship made it difficult for me to participate the way I thought it was expected of me as mother of the bride or groom. I really didn't know the families they were marrying into and it felt soooo awkward meeting them for the first time at wedding showers or wedding dinners. I did the best I could.
Tomorrow my daughter has invited me and her bridesmaids to go dress shopping. I've been a little stressed all week and texted her tonight to clarify the details about tomorrow. She thought I was trying to cancel and commented that I hadn't been very involved in her first wedding so it was ok if I didn't want to come tomorrow. I reassured her that I would be there and that I was trying alleviate a little of anxiety by getting a sense of what her plan and expectations were since this wedding was going to be more informal- namely did she plan on me buying a mother of the bride dress? (I DON't have the budget for that). We straightened out the misunderstanding, but when I got off the phone, I started crying. I remembered what I did do for her first wedding: shower, dress shopping, fitting my boyfriend for a tux so he could be a groomsman, arranging and paying for a limo to take the bride and bridesmaids to the chapel as my wedding present, pictures, wedding reception. How does she remember that I was NOT involved much. WHAM!! An emotional land mine and the reason I get so anxious interacting with my children anymore.
Anybody else get triggered by their children?

Originally Posted by Jensitive22

So my oldest daughter is planning her wedding, this being her second marriage. (I have 3 grown children, all have been married and divorced.) Each wedding and all of the social activities that went with them were very hard for me. Extreme social anxiety and financial hardship made it difficult for me to participate the way I thought it was expected of me as mother of the bride or groom. I really didn't know the families they were marrying into and it felt soooo awkward meeting them for the first time at wedding showers or wedding dinners. I did the best I could.
Tomorrow my daughter has invited me and her bridesmaids to go dress shopping. I've been a little stressed all week and texted her tonight to clarify the details about tomorrow. She thought I was trying to cancel and commented that I hadn't been very involved in her first wedding so it was ok if I didn't want to come tomorrow. I reassured her that I would be there and that I was trying alleviate a little of anxiety by getting a sense of what her plan and expectations were since this wedding was going to be more informal- namely did she plan on me buying a mother of the bride dress? (I DON't have the budget for that). We straightened out the misunderstanding, but when I got off the phone, I started crying. I remembered what I did do for her first wedding: shower, dress shopping, fitting my boyfriend for a tux so he could be a groomsman, arranging and paying for a limo to take the bride and bridesmaids to the chapel as my wedding present, pictures, wedding reception. How does she remember that I was NOT involved much. WHAM!! An emotional land mine and the reason I get so anxious interacting with my children anymore.
Anybody else get triggered by their children?

(((((Jensitive22))))

i don't have any children, but i wanted to reply to say that your message has been read and you're being listened to

[cakeladie]

How soon kids forget all you do for them.

My daughter is 19 and involved with a guy who beats her. They are planning on getting married and we have told her we do not support it therefore we will not support or pay for the wedding.

My family made it pretty clear when I married my second husband that they would not do much. They really liked my first husband but we had a special needs child and my first husband could not handle it so he left. He was and is a smooth talker.

My family discounts every bad thing that he has done to our son and me.

22 years later I am still married to my second husband who has welcomed my son with open arms.

The only advice I can give you is that you did your best and maybe later on your children we see that. All anyone can ask is for you to try and do your best.

Do what you can and what you can afford. Our second wedding was kinda an informal affair. We were married in church but our reception was held in the church hall. A family friend helped prepare the food along with some family members. I bought the cheapest dress I could find. I spent everynight at the church hall decorating with my kids.

I know I am rattling on but do what you can and try not to stress to much about it.

Sending you good thoughts and hugs

[Sesiley]

Stress from your kids is totally a trigger!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G750A using Tapatalk

[Jensitive22]

Thank you, so much, for the replies and encouragement. You're right. I can only do the best I can and hope that someday they will appreciate my efforts. Just such a trigger for the negative tape loop that tells me what a failure I am.