[lunaticfringe]

I wanted to see if anyone can relate or has any advice. If you've gone through something similar please let me know. I'm not even sure this is a bipolar thing or what.

For about 3-4 years now I have had a troubling obsession/infatuation with a guy who has never returned my affection. We did sleep together on and off for a couple years but that was it. He pretty much used me for sex (I was very hypersexual much of that time). Then about a year ago I decided I had had enough and went on a soul pilgrimage journey to try and get over him, and I did, until he contacted me again and it was all over. He continues to contact me even though we haven't seen each other in years since he moved away. He continues to contact me and lead me on and play with my head. He wants me to leave my fiance and come visit him even though I know he doesn't love me or want to be with me. I am weak and pathetic though and I'll take any attention from him I can get. I have NEVER been like this with ANY other man. I should mention that it was the best sex of my life for some reason. The level to which I am attracted to this person is unhealthy. I had a psychiatrist tell me I had erotomania once, which I thought was interesting. I don't know. I'm having a really hard time with this. I still cry about him all the time even though I haven't seen him in years. This is so embarrassing. I have seen numerous spiritual healers over the years to try and rid myself of him. I am totally consumed by this.

Anyone? What do you guys think about this? Pretty whacky I know.

[gayleggg]

I had the same problem with a guy. It went on for years until I finally told him how messed up it made me and he quit calling. However, I have tried to find him so I haven't let go of the obsession. I don't know if I ever will be but at least the no contact has made it easier.

If you haven't told him how it messes with your mind, maybe you should and ask him not to call anymore. If he still calls I would suggest changing your phone number.

I sympathize with you. I know how hard it can be to let go, even when you know it's not going anywhere. It will hurt losing that contact but in the long run it will be for the best.

[lunaticfringe]

Thank you sooo much for sharing your story it helps knowing that others have gone through this too. It's beyond words. I'm going to try my hardest not to talk to him and to move on. It will be extremely difficult but I just don't need this in my life.

[Roblovescats]

Have you told your fiance? If not, why is he your fiance?

Sent from my SM-G900P using Tapatalk

[lunaticfringe]

Yes actually he knows all about it and he is supportive of me working to move past it. I am honest with my fiance every step of the way.

[elevatedsoul]

i find it hard to move on
indeed troubling obsession...

[Crazy Hitch]

Personally I think that hypomania can make us do many things and yes increased libido would be one of them so if you were having sex with him in an elevated mood state maybe you were less disinhibited. I think he's probably having you on - I'm not saying this in a nasty way at all. I am only going on the basis of what you have written. But for him to continually chase you, and tell you outright he has no desire for a long term commitment, yet he does this, knowing that you are with someone else now, is not fair on you at all. And I think he's doing it to drive his own ego. Because the more he "chases" you in some kind of metaphorical sense, you continue to be drawn to him. So he's created a cycle - chase - drawn - chase - drawn - chase drawn - and even though he knows it's wrong (because I really do think that he does know he's being crazy here) it sounds to me like his ego has gotten so big he'd need a pin to pop his overinflated sized head to walk through the door of any room He doesn't sound comitted to you (from your comments). And if you continue to be drawn to his magnetism, I really think that the only one who would lose is you, and I wouldn't want to see that happen to you ever. Your current boyfriend will leave you if you were unfaithful. And this guy would leave you too. None of what I said may be helpful to you because you've probably analysed this entire situation over and over - I have no doubt of that. Lust can make us do weird things. But I pick up a clear distinction between your lust and your love and I get the feeling that you actually do love your current boyfriend.

If it were me? I'd stick with whom I love.

Hope this helps. Not sure if anything I've said is useful. I'm just concerned about you in the long term.

[Crazy Hitch]

*sorry please read my comments above to reflect - where I said "current boyfriend" to read as = "fiance" (whoops)

[lunaticfringe]

Thank you sooo much for your response Hooligan, that made perfect sense to me and you nailed it. His ego is wayyyyy over-inflated. I think he probably just likes the attention.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by lunaticfringe

Thank you sooo much for your response Hooligan, that made perfect sense to me and you nailed it. His ego is wayyyyy over-inflated. I think he probably just likes the attention.

*passes lunaticfringe a pin and says please deflate his ego then

You deserve so much more than him if he's playing you for a fool it's not fair.

Here's a pin.

Please keep it handy for the next time he rings you and says come visit me, just remember, you're emotionally investing yourself in someone who will NEVER return the favour.

[lunaticfringe]

YES

Maybe he shared feelings and experiences with you that he can't and doesn't want to forget, yet can't replicate in his present relationship. Maybe the chemistry is just as intense for him as it is for you, and he can't resist either.

[lunaticfringe]

Oh my goddd...not only is it an obsession but it is a compulsion to reach out to him as well. We just had a stupid fight this morning and now he is trying to make amends. It is such a stupid twisted little game but it is like an ADDICTION for me! It really is! It's crazy! I have been so torn up about it. Am I in love with him? Should I abandon my whole life for him?! GAH...And I know all of this sounds petty or something but for me it is all too real. It's like 80% of my hypomanic symptoms are somehow manifested in something to do with him in some way.

[wiretwister]

lust or love hun,, you need to chose... I would stay where I am loved and not throw that away on a whim ... jmo ...

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by lunaticfringe

YES

Hahahahaaaaa

Oh how I love this BP Forum

[Roblovescats]

I think you need to have great sex with someone else who will reciprocate feelings....

Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk

[smallwonderer]

I have a weird obsession of my own. I am obsessed with writing emails to a former coworker of mine, especially when I am hypo. Actually staying up all night and writing to this former coworker is what brought on my diagnosis in the first place (I know, most people have exciting stories about shopping binges, sex marathons, etc). I decided to stop writing to this person for the past few months... I can't really decide if it's a healthy relationship or not. But I know for sure when I am hypo I see "more"/ get "more" out of the relationship than I thin is really there.

[gina_re]

I can't relate to this entirely, but I've had similar experiences. Is it possible to block his number so he can't contact you? And hopefully you don't have his number memorized to delete it from your phone. It helps for me because then I really can't contact him and vice versa. I hope it all works out for you, it's not fair at all what he is doing!