I think I can **** si trigger ****

Isn't that the goal in life to be pain free ....

no shame in an accident ...

Wiretwister, I don't know if this will help you or not, but I have been struggling the past few days with sexual frustrations too and I also want to get it off my chest, else I burst.

I have a fetish that would be repulsive to most others and even to myself I'm like "How sick in the head am I?" But these go back as far as I can remember and I really don't get turned on by anything normal. This makes sex painful for me and so I have to try my hardest just to feel like I'm enjoying it so I don't make my husband sad, but even then it's just me laying there trying my hardest not to tense up because that just makes it hurt worse.

Also, I'm in love with two men. I fell in love with them at the same time, but society says I can only choose one of them. I can never hug the other or hold his hand or tell him I love him without pissing off my husband and all of our mutual friends. To be true to myself would ruin all of our lives when in my head I imagine everything could be so beautiful. It's a lie.

Because of this, I resent my husband sometimes and I want to hold back affection from him. I see the other, so alone, with no one, and it tears me apart. Why can't I be there for him too. There is enough of me. But does he even want me? Or is he holding back, so he doesn't hurt us? How can I even ever find out the answer? Will the rest of my life be filled with this feeling? Does anybody have any answers, or just meaningless words?

Thank you, Wiretwister, for being so honest and sharing yourself. It makes it easier to do the same. I don't know if it helps at all, but I wanted to be able to be honest, somewhere, even anonymously.

crying my eyes out over a silly movie ... so emotional .... sinking ...