I've been having an issue with obsessive thoughts more often lately than I've had in a long time. They have been so intense that I've gotten 5 hours of sleep in the past few days.

For those whom may have read some of my other posts, I've mentioned the fact that I'm building a home online business and dabbling with reselling goods/dropshipping on eBay and other similar sites. I've also mentioned that I'm struggling financially while I build my business up and won't be able to make any real money until a couple of months down the line at my current rate of progress.

With that being said, I've been so hyperfocused on achieving my desires with this and finally getting a future that I'm happy with that all I've been thinking about the past several days is ways to make extra money, ways to build my business faster via alternate means, and all of the expensive stuff that I'm going to buy when I'm finally raking in several grand a month.

In fact, literally all I did yesterday was sit in my office all day, listen to music, and think while having only a couple glasses of water, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a bowl of chilly, and just over 2 hours of sleep to get through the whole day.

When I got my mind fixated on an idea pertaining to business or a better way of doing something business related, I would think about it non stop for an hour or more on end until I got it perfect. When I would think about things that I wanted to buy such as a new car or a new gaming PC, I would think about every little detail of the type of item that I wanted to buy or in the case of the gaming PC, every part so I can build it myself and make it perfect. Heck, I would even get excited from the idea thinking non-stop.

What's concerning is that I know I'm bipolar already and I know how I get when I'm manic, but I'm rarely this bad, yet I've been this way more lately than I've been in years.

What do you all think? Does anybody else have a similar issue?

[~Christina]

It's pretty common. I imagine most everyone with Bipolar can relate to varied degrees.

Personally for me... When my lousy sleep gets even worse, I obsess about things in extreme detail and thinking 126895447 steps further down the road than anyone should ever go, Well then I have to force myself to rein things in.

It's not easy but I use Mindfulness and just keep at it until I either get sleep that helps me reset or I go full blown hypo then on to Mania and white knuckle the ride and hope for a semi controlled landing.

I think when you start to question if your obsessing then you are and need to be pro active in taking it down a notch or 8

Take care

[CrazyLo]

I don't think it's OCD, but it's definitely mania. Although, you might be a bit of perfectionist.

Yup, I'm certainly a perfectionist

Normally, I could keep my mania from interfering with my life, but I don't know if I'm just fed up with everything and triggered hypermania or what but I can't sleep worth a damn no matter how hard I try. Fact of the matter is, I know that I'm not going to be happy until I get my income stable and get on with my life

I just woke up after taking a 4 hour nap after not sleeping for more than a few hours the previous night. I'm so sleep deprived haha

[CrazyLo]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

Yup, I'm certainly a perfectionist

Normally, I could keep my mania from interfering with my life, but I don't know if I'm just fed up with everything and triggered hypermania or what but I can't sleep worth a damn no matter how hard I try. Fact of the matter is, I know that I'm not going to be happy until I get my income stable and get on with my life

I just woke up after taking a 4 hour nap after not sleeping for more than a few hours the previous night. I'm so sleep deprived haha

You actually sound more like manic rather than just hypomanic...

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

You actually sound more like manic rather than just hypomanic...

True. Maybe a bit grandiose, too?

I will admit, I'm certainly more grandiose than normal. Then again, we are all grandiose to some extent

[CrazyLo]

Your severe lack of sleep and obsession with your new job is alarming. It seems like you are incredibly inspired and motivated to work towards this goal, to the detriment of your basic needs.

Do you ever feel especially irritable lately? Think you are an important person in this world? Do you have a lot of impulsiveness lately?

When I was having grandiose thoughts, I thought I was the all-powerful music goddess. Mine was psychosis, though.

Originally Posted by CrazyLo

Your severe lack of sleep and obsession with your new job is alarming. It seems like you are incredibly inspired and motivated to work towards this goal, to the detriment of your basic needs.

Do you ever feel especially irritable lately? Think you are an important person in this world? Do you have a lot of impulsiveness lately?

When I was having grandiose thoughts, I thought I was the all-powerful music goddess. Mine was psychosis, though.

Yes, I've been feeling more irritable than normal lately to such an extreme that I've said hurtful things to a couple of people without intending to do so all because they dared to criticize me. I've also been easier to anger than normal and broke a couple of trivial things in my office over something stupid like my neighbors being loud or kids across the street being annoying or something similar.

I don't think I'm an important person; I know I'm an important person or at least I am the most important person in the world to myself. In fact, I'm on a tirade right now against Samsung because they have the nerve to make their latest smartphones without a SD card or removable battery so I'm obsessing over how if I had the money, I could make a Smartphone that is better than Samsung, HTC, and Apple combined.

Yes, I have been having a lot of impulsiveness lately. In fact, I had to literally force myself to not pawn a bunch of crap for cheap earlier all because I need to purchase a piece of software before I can continue with a couple of my ideas that I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford for another week.

In short, I will do anything and pay any price to finally get ahead in life when I've felt behind for so long. I'm sick of suffering and I'm going to do something about it right the hell now! As far as I'm concerned, my physical health can wait until I'm done. It's not like I'm going to die or anything from being a bit neglectful for a week or two.

[CrazyLo]

It's important to take care of yourself before you can accomplish goals that are beyond your basic needs. Lack of sleep is going to make the mania worse. Not eating will make the mania worse. If you let the mania go to far, it turns into psychosis. You might do something that you will regret later. Try to keep that in mind. Do you have a pdoc?

Nah, no PDOC. All of the ones in my area are incompetent fools who will never understand me or know how to help me and I refuse to take their poison that they so arrogantly call "medicine" only to have to suffer more at the hands of debilitating side effects and having to be forced to make appointments and be tied to the system just to get more when I'm perfectly capable of functioning on my own; I don't need them nor do I need anybody else for that matter. As long as I stay away from other people when I'm like this, I'm no threat to anybody.

Also, I do feel a bit better. I finally had a decent meal and 6 hours of sleep. I still feel restless but not as bad as I was when I wrote my last reply here.

Thanks guys for the replies BTW. I'm sorry if I sound like an arrogant jackass right now; I'm usually very grandiose and pompous when I'm like this.

I think I'll continue hanging out in the NPD forum chilling with the cool kids there while debating Machiavelli philosophy and fantasizing about ruling the world and being all around awesome until I calm down