[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm so sorry for all the posts lately. I am so anxious about my pdoc appointment Monday and for some reason life doesn't stop just because I'm unhappy. So now I'm depressed and scared about Monday. My appt. is 41 hours from now. I am that desperate that I'm counting down.

I already know that as soon as I get there I'm going to ask if she can continue my care. If she can't then I'll cry the whole visit but I can't wait to do that at the end. And then I have to bring up my feelings about wanting to go to different treatments than I've ever had before. With the added twist that a new AP was approved last week that I probably should try before clozaril but I'd have to wait a while before it was available so not sure how that would be handled.

I did a depression and anxiety test my therapist uses. I've moved from the edge of moderate to severe depression to severe depression and scored extreme anxiety. Sounds about right.

Again, sorry for all the posts. I feel completely overwhelmed by potentially losing my beloved pdoc, pressure from my therapist to find a support group, missing out on my family's trip to the beach, and not knowing what treatments I have left and whether I can make the case of the treatments I want at this point. At least all this comes to some point of closure on Monday.

[gina_re]

No need for apologies. It's very understandable and I'm sure many of us can empathize with you. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and hope your appointment goes well on Monday.

[Toodles333]

I hope everything goes well for you on Monday

Don't be sorry. That's what this board is for. I hope you start feeling better soon.

[raspberrytorte]

You don't need to feel sorry, rainbow. We're all here for you and want you to feel better. Let us know how your appointment goes.

[raspberrytorte]

I wish I could give you a real hug!

This place has done alot already to help me and I hope you see that too, we are here for you

[Nammu]

I'm sure I'm not alone in saying post away. Anything that helps...anything non harmful that helps. Most everyone's gone though really stressful periods when we felt like there was no hope for dealing with this madness......it takes awhile to find the right approach sometimes....not fair but it is what it is. Best we can do is share and know that others have been in similar places.

I struggled with both PTSD and bipolar ( although I would have said it was only MDD until recently ) after I got the PTSD under control.....it took a lot of therapy specificity for PTSD I found that the BP is much easier to deal with than the PTSD.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Thanks everyone. I really just feel like I've been posting a ton lately and between depression and stress (causing anxiety) I'm just constantly asking for support.

Tomorrow is the pdoc so some questions should be answered then. Today my roommate from when I was IP came down and we had a calm, peaceful day chatting and coloring and it helped so much. I would have been a complete wreck by now if left to my own devices. Now I'm just tired and hopefully that will lead to decent sleep before my big day (I have therapy and pdoc with 5 hours of driving and I'm really worried about pdoc visit).

Thanks again. Hopefully I'll be able to support myself better soon.

[BipolaRNurse]

It's always OK to ask for support, that's what this forum is for! We've all been where you are right now and we get it. Post all you want, we're listening.