Emotional detachment

Can you guys please share your experiences with emotional detachment? I am currently going through a divorce after 13 years, and I have detached from my wife over the last few years. I am scared of this happening again and again in my future relationships.

I don't really detach from people fully. I have a lot of aloofness. I also have flat affect when depressed. I try to work on this with mindfulness, being aware that it is something that I do that can make others feel unloved or unwanted. It isn't always easy.

If you're detaching fully without wanting to, then that's something you're going to have to investigate. Do you have a therapist? That would be a good thing to work on with a therapist.

Tamcat - I detach - completely - over and over and over again. In opposition, I also go stalker mode when I first meet someone, and am 0 to a gazillion in seconds. And then after they like me the same way....detach.

Thank goodness my husband has realized this is part of a disease and is hanging in there. Though most days I just wish he'd leave. I think.

I don't even want to make friends or have outside relationships. I hate getting out and just visiting with ppl. It is a shame to say, I don't even like to go visit my family. I feel like the less they know about me the better off they are.

I feel exactly the same way. If I didn't have Dr. appointments I would never go out.

I was married for 27 years and the truth is the emotional detachment happened
at about the 17 year mark. She was a tough cookie and I could go on and on
about our issues but for us once the emotional detachment happened it was the
end. The last ten years of our marriage were something we did for the kids far
more than for us. I think for all of us having the issues we deal with detachment
is in the back of our minds but for me being with the woman I am with now I
just cant imagine becoming emotionally detached. I hope it all works out for you
and I wish you all the luck in the world.

I am scared of the same thing. I can't even imagine how I'd have kids/family one day the way I am with emotional detachment.

Sorry I don't have any good advice

I detach fully without wanting to. Is this BP related?

I detach once someone expresses interest in me. I pushed through it with a couple boyfriends and went on to feel almost obsessive love, then detachment, then love... It seems to happen when we are in a rut with our routine, we are having problems, or I'm depressed.

Both my husband and I detach when depressed. We do special things for each other when we're depressed partially to remind ourselves we care and partially for the other person. It's the whole do what you would do for a friend if they were dating an *** for your so.

It is so easy for me to detach from someone. My grandmother would always ask why I'm not friends with so and so anymore. If someone gets on my bad side, I'm done. I have a wall built up so that I don't get too close and it becomes easy for me to dismiss most people.

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I was so worried that I'm the only one. I think that the only thing that I can wish for, is that my next relationship will be with someone who can accept this, and be willing to work hard on the relationship with me.

I am sometimes accused of being aloof, although what's going on deep inside is anything BUT aloof. I am ruled almost entirely by my emotions(no ****? You have BP, BPD & PTSD, HML?!)

Anyway, I do also detach after some time if things get too disastrous in the relationship. It's more of a defense mechanism with me. If things get too painful, I want to run as far away from it as I can. This most definitely includes relationships. Yes, that's also very BPD behavior. I tend to put others on a pedestal then if they hurt me or I am or perceive myself to be abandoned, I split them black, push them away & detach emotionally as much as I can....that way I can't get hurt.

Of course, it really does hurt when they leave & I'm left all alone. It's a catch 22, if you will. If the relationship is really important to me and I actually still want/need the person in my life, I'm usually pretty good at making amends. Sometimes, they come back, stay and it works out. Sometimes, not so much.

I don't know if this gives you any insight or not, but I've found that it's a defense mechanism. If you find this to be true, then it's a matter of figuring out when you feel threatened enough to employ detachment as a tactic and finding another coping method. Hope that helps!!

I didn't realize that the detachment was a BP thing. I'm not sure it's purely BP.... I think it's more an emotional damage kind of thing, or perhaps related to medication. Nevertheless, YES, I've detached. I have to remind myself that I actually care about important people in my life, and I don't have many friends because it's just too much work to bother with them.