[BeyondtheRainbow]

I had hoped the last couple days that I was feeling better but was afraid to even say the word. The bad sign was that I wasn't sleeping well and needed to be knocked out to sleep at 4 AM. But today it is clear that I am NOT better and I am mixed. And that is a huge problem. I do not think lowering my AD is a good idea even though it's stimulating. And I don't have anywhere to go with anything else. This is going to push my med situation before I'm ready and probably before my pdoc is ready. The plans we made did not really allow for this possibility. After all I've been depressed for months.

I am scared because I don't know what is going to help and I know my pdoc isn't that much further ahead of me because I've burned through the options. I counted last night and I'm on cocktail 68 (not including hundreds of dose adjustments). Somehow it seems like if we can't find something that works by 68 it's not so likely 69 or 70 will work. Although I felt like that about something like #53 and it worked incredibly well.

I am so tired of this episode. I was so sure that I was getting better and was going to have this big surprise for everyone this week. Stupid.

[Nammu]

[WibblyWobbly]

Getting the mixed episode under control is the most important thing. If you have to lower your AD hopefully it will just be for a short while until you get this under control. Good luck