[bittersweet1976]

Declaration, then question (below)

I am new at all this - partner to a wife recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2. I happen to be a family physician, which actually seems to complicate our relationship as 'life partners' during this scary time. We both have many questions, doubts and worries. I need help / support - we both do. I also seek clarity to navigate this minefield of symptoms, emotions and treatments. This is why I started my blog (Google: dialogueftdepths). It's already been helpful, just to get my thoughts and feelings clearer, but I want more. Like many bloggers have noted, public feedback and questions promote sharing ideas and support - so check me out. For now, my focus has been on the current severe depression (episode 2), and an awakening from the denial slumber. Hopefully, as my wife's insight strengthens, she may join me on the blog to provide her perspective as a newly diagnosed couple / family, dealing with bipolar disorder 2 / cyclothymia.

Here's my current question - does anyone have any thoughts on the advantages with disclosing diagnosis with specific friends / family (incl kids)? It's obviously a personal decision and from what others have written, clearly dependant on ones own stage of acceptance and timing in the relationship. I accept it requires working through issues of stigma, identity and even paranoia, which I have discovered is fairly common. Since working through this stuff is so challenging, I wonder whether the benefits of 'coming out' justify the efforts and if so, then gaining a deeper understanding of the benefits of disclosure, can only help sufferers reach that point sooner, to receive those benefits sooner.

Looking forward to your responses...

[Skeezyks]

Hello bittersweet1976: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain support as well as to obtain mental health-related information. There are many caring members here.

I will share my experience with you. I'm an older person & I don't have any family or friends to be concerned with. However, I am married & I do have casual acquaintances. Without going into allot of detail, I'll just say that, a few years ago, following a 2nd suicide attempt, I finally divulged a secret I had been carrying around my entire life. I was certain that, in one way or another it would change everything. But what actually occurred is that nothing happened. The reality was that my spouse didn't want to know anything about it & so basically just pretended it didn't exist. I never told anyone else except, of course, the mental health professionals I was seeing. (They also didn't seem to much care one way or another.) So, in the end, I ended up right back where I started from, except that I began to feel, & still feel, exposed & foolish. In retrospect, I wish I had just continued to keep it deeply hidden.

So I guess, from my perspective, what I would say is simply to be aware that the response you'll get may be entirely different than you expect. My personal prejudice is that most people don't really want to know about, or care about, another person's problems. They have their own, whatever they are. So, to the extent possible, what they're most likely to do is to simply ignore your problem or, in some cases, ignore you. This is probably not the reply you are looking for. But it has been my experience. My best wishes to you both...

[CopperStar]

I personally don't think there are any advantages. People tend to have a default setting that leans towards denial or intuition, in my experience. If they lean towards denial, they're not gonna have any empathy for you whether they know your diagnosis or not, they will just be resentful towards you whenever you're not 100% functional in whatever context. If they lean towards intuition, they're gonna be thinking that you must be struggling with something (when it's obvious) and have a little patience with you, whether they know your diagnosis or not.

I would say the only exception is children, because children are naturally a little more self-focused for survival reasons and may not be able to grasp how difficult or overwhelming adult life can be, so they may be more likely to take bad moods personally. So I think it would be worth it to make sure children involved understand that their parent sometimes has bad moods but it's not the children's fault in any way and doesn't mean the parent is upset at the children.

[Trippin2.0]

I've actually only had good experiences and thus advantages with disclosing.

But I believe, from reading and participating here, that sadly, that's dependent on the caliber of the people and the nature of your relationships.

Lets start with my mom and siblings (my dad had passed on by the time I was dxd)...

My siblings were immediately supportive and my mom went into denial until she read a few journal entries... I didn't blame her though, she's of the older stock where MI isn't or wasn't an actual thing.

But she's come around, a lonnng way around since then.

The advantage? They are more empathetic during my depressions, and understand that I don't necessarily have a "reason" to be suicidal.

Also, nobody bats an eye when I do washing at 2am or scrub the tiles till sunrise.

My mom and brother even chip in and help take care of my daughter when I'm barely functional. No judgment.

My daughter, she was 6 when I told her, because she was worried about mommy's crying and anger and wanted to know if the doctors could help and how.

That was 6 years ago, she understand my mood states are not a reflection of her and doesn't feel frightened or disconcerted by them anymore.

Bf / friends, advantage is I don't have to make up half truths about why I am behaving a certain way or why I keep bailing on plans, they show me nothing but compassion.

Work, I've had incredibly supportive coworkers and more importantly managers, who schedule me around my therapy and pdoc appointments, give me low stress tasks when I'm struggling and don't treat me differently when I need time off or went inpatient....

With the exception of work, my disclosure was a light bulb moment for everyone else. It was like "Aha! That explains alot!" Because I didn't go all bipolar overnight, my BP developed in my early teens but was only dxd in mid 20s.

Anyway, I'm thankful I've gotten a warm reception from every Tom, Rick and Harry that I've told, I know I am very blessed in that regard


Also, I would like to add that it's very librating to not feel like I have a dirty little secret...