[CopperStar]

Lately I've been struggling with extreme temptation to abandon my meds, but then I received a call updating me about my father, and it puts everything back into dreary perspective.

My father has a psychotic/anxiety illness, but he's never been properly diagnosed. He self-medicated with alcohol, and we lived in a very hyper-religious, Children of the Corn, hush-hush environment. So he didn't start to get any professional attention until he developed dementia from the alcoholism.

My father's refusal to accept medical help has cost him pretty much everything. He lost his family because he was so abusive, then he lost his job due to paranoid delusions, alcoholism and hostility, then he lost his house. He's been in and out of rehab and homelessness, but always regresses every time the family scrambles to rescue him, because he refuses psychiatric care.

Recently he was staying in a group home setting, and they helped him get a job. All he had to do was not drink and comply with the rules, and then they were going to gently try to get him on medication. But once again he was too proud and stupid, refused medication and instead starting sneaking alcohol.

So then I get a call letting me know that he was kicked out of the group home and arrested at a grocery store for being drunk and combative in public. The police just held him overnight but then let him go, and his car wasn't towed but is now gone from the parking lot, so presumably he came back and drove away in it.

Now nobody knows where he is, only that he is surely living out of his car somewhere, he might come back when he runs out of cash for alcohol and gas. His parents (my grandparents) are a complete mental mess worrying about him. He can only live on nothing but wine for so long before he dies.

I'm beyond the point by now of having much emotional reaction. He's been doing this to us for over a decade now. Doing it to himself. We can't save him, and he just acts like a major asshole when anyone tries to get close. I wish I could heal him and make him a better, healthier person, but I can't. I couldn't when I was 10, and I still can't do it now that I'm 27.

I guess it's up to me be stronger than he was. To take these medications even though it ****ing sucks, so that I don't become a crazy asshole and stress everyone out. Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder have hit every generation in this bloodline, and I guess it's up to me to be the first one to put a stop to it.

[LettinG0]

Oh, Copper. I am so sorry about your dad and his problems and his choices and how they have affected you.

But, as always, you are very insightful and honest with yourself. And, yes, please take the meds and do what you need to do to break the cycle and take care of yourself so you can have a full life.

Thank you for sharing.

Sorry C, sounds effed up. Thanks for sharing your story though, it helps to see what our futures can be because of MI.

Obviously the choices we make today will shape our tomorrow. It's to easy to lose sight in the present and be blind of the future. You at least have a living example of how not to do, even though it sucks cause it's your dad.

Stay strong.

[newtothis31]

Thanks for sharing the story about your Dad. I'm glad that you've come to the point that there's nothing you can do to help your dad make good choices. I feel terrible for your family.

Taking medicine does suck but it's much better then the alternatives, that's for sure.

[WibblyWobbly]

Thank you for giving me motivation to take my meds. My dad is also an abusive asshole and he repeatedly refused help because he's narcissistic and paranoid. After serving 12 years in prison he is now living in a storage room and delusional, thinking that people are tracking him and everyone is on a mission to send him back to prison. He had many opportunities offered to him before he got to this state. And he's not an idiot, he's highly educated.

I haven't been compliant with my meds in recent months despite it getting me into some trouble. I don't really know why I've been doing it. But the one goal that I've held onto in my life is to NOT turn out like my dad. You just gave me the one reason to consistently take my meds that will make me care enough to actually do it, one I haven't thought of before. Thank you for that.

[Row Jimmy]

My mother was the same way - I believe I inherited her madness. My household was always chaotic thanks to my mom. There were wooden spoon beatings, all sorts of emotional shouting and episodes, and a denial that the whole condition wasn't right. I distinctly remember she made my sister eat soap until she threw up her breakfast. It was awful. My dad was helpless to affect any change. He just worked as hard as he could to provide for the family while my mother fell apart on a regular basis.

I work very hard not to pass it on to my children and I try to lead by example and do things differently. Now, I speak in measured tones and never make it a point to use something like a wooden spoon to make a point. I used to yell a lot but now that I have my diagnosis, it is a blessing to me. I'm not cursed by it at all.

[Mountainbard]

I'm sorry you had to go through this with your father, but I'm glad it's made you determined to be stronger than he was-- and as we all know that includes taking our meds whether we want to or not.

[Slowbrains]

I'm there. I'm old enough i should be over it but an illness of family member is something that one can't take just with cool ok.

When you're thinking about abandoning meds, think how your dad might have been with meds...?