Impulsivity

I've dealt with impulsivity before. The spending, driving fast, adventures, drinking, ect. But I've never felt like this.



I'm painting, drawing, scribbling. I would much rather go swimming, go to the beach. But I can't get this out of my head. There is no way that this is my brain thinking this right now. Why on earth is this on my mind? I need to slow down my thoughts.

I have found that focusing my senses on something tactile (a stone, a feather, a swatch of fabric anything that 'feels') helps to bring me down and center me when I am at times restless, or have the urge to dash out and do something. In my case it's a stone I found on a beach with a shell stuck to it. I have every part of it memorized.

I practise a few yoga moves that I learned too.

These calm me down.

Hello CuriouslyCrazy: There was a time, a number of years ago now, when I was doing some physically demanding home-remodeling work. I work go out & work for an hour or two. Then I'd go in & self harm. At the time, I wouldn't have said I was depressed. I was working hard at a project I wanted to accomplish. Looking back I wouldn't say I was particularly depressed either. If anything, I would say I was "self-angry". I hated myself, plus I had a bunch of other complicated identity stuff going on that I had been carrying around for many years. (It's a long story.)

Much of who we think we are, what we think about the various aspects of our lives, & what we believe or don't believe resides in levels of the brain to which we have no access. This is, I imagine, why circumstances such as you're experiencing, & I experienced, seem so bewildering.

Unfortunately I don't have any miracle cures to suggest for you. I had to cause myself permanent injury before I was able to put an end to my self abuse. And, as time has gone by, & I have aged, most of this drive to self abuse has faded, although I suspect it still lurks somewhere in the deeper recesses of my brain.

One thing I did not do, that I should have done, was to seek help for what I was doing. I would have been too embarrassed. Plus, I'm embarrassed to admit, I enjoyed what I was doing. Would it have helped if I had sought help? I don't know. But it probably would have been worth a try. So if you are not seeing someone with regard to the self-abuse you are inflicting upon yourself, perhaps this is something you might consider.

I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find that place of deep peace that resides within each one of us...

Yes it's happened to me too. You're taking good care of yourself! I'd encourage you to keep busy

Still trying to keep busy. Have actually researched this a little bit and it turns out that I am right! There is too much flowing to my brain, to our brains!

"Strakowski et al. utilized MRI to compare cerebral ventricle volumes in healthy controls vs. patients suffering their first bipolar episode or those who had experienced multiple episodes (11). Lateral ventricles were significantly larger in patients with multiple episodes than in the first episode or healthy subjects. In particular, increased volume of the lateral ventricles directly correlated with the number of manic episodes the patients had suffered. These findings have been supported by a different group of researchers who also noted an association between ventricular volume and number of previous affective episodes."

This isn't the first time that I was right about something before reading up about it!

When I feel that way, I just try to get the most out of a single injury that is as small as possible. I have mild hemophilia, so a small scab will bleed a lot. Typically I will pluck the hairs on my ankles out, until I get a few little scabs from it, then pick those scabs. I guess it's still technically self-harm, but at least I've toned it way down from the days of cutting up my limbs.

Yes

I get that too.