[CopperStar]

So my new job was supposed to be just 3 days a week, even with a break in the middle (2 days on, 1 day off, 1 day on, 3 days off), and 8 hours per shift. It was also supposed to be a job that would involve me working by myself in the back of the store, so low-stress and no dealing with coworkers or customers.

Well it seems it was a bit of a bait-and-switch. My first schedule given has me working 8 days straight, my job duties include everything originally mentioned but plus a bunch more and includes customer service which is insanely stressful, and there is just so much work to do and the environment is total chaos, I have to just GOGOGO constantly for 8 hours straight with no break.

Today was day 4 and by last night my mind was completely wired. My body was so sore and my feet and legs hurt like crazy, and I was so tired I felt nauseated, but I could not fall asleep, my brain would not shut off, and I had to be up at 3AM. I was only able to get two hours of sleep, and not even halfway through today's shift I felt emotional, delirious and couldn't focus on or remember hardly anything. I got home an hour ago at 2PM, and my body hurts so bad and I can feel that I am so tired, but at the same time I feel an uncomfortable pressure to pace,pace,pace around the house and talk to myself.

The cherry on top is that I only have one dosage of my medication left, so I called when I got home to submit my refill request planning on picking it up after tomorrow, and it forwards me to voicemail, tells me that the voicemail box is full and to hang up. WTF. How can a psychiatry office let calls go to voicemail, and have a full box? None of their patients can even leave messages right now. Blows my mind even more than when the pharmacy just ran out of my medication and didn't have it back in stock for days. No wonder so many people give up on treatment, the whole industry is balls.

I'm so afraid I'm going to get so bad that I will be fired. This is my first job in over year, it has been so long since I had money and could get anything for myself. I have been wanting a small gaming computer so badly for so long because I miss that nerdy outlet in my life so much. I have been so excited about getting this job because it will allow me to finally have that back in my life, and then I can just save for a car and whatever else. But I feel like it's all falling apart so fast. I feel like I finally have it and desperately don't want to lose it.

However, my warped, demented sense of humor continues to drag me through the days. Had a customer this morning steal in front of me and give me a really dirty look trying to intimidate me when he noticed I was watching him, then he turned around and tripped over the wet floor sign. Inside I was like okay I can go on for another hour now.

[LettinG0]

Oh, wow. Don't you just love that "part-time" designation.

Sorry it is so tough on you and that you are having difficulties with your med refill.

Please take care of yourself as best you can. YOU have to be the priority.....though I TOTALLY understand needing money.

Hugs

[Cocosurviving]

Once you get ahold to ur doc (and get things squared away) you could always change ur doc and pharmacy. My symptoms are nasty and I have to have my meds. I call for refills a week a head of running out. I really hope you get a hold to ur doc ASAP. The whole job thing got me thinking. I plan on going back to work part-time down the road. But what you were told is what I want....low key not around people. That's a must for me. Your strong for wanting to stick the job out. I would've quit.....for the safety of others. I have homicial thoughts. Keep your head up

Sent from iPhone 6 Plus using Tapatalk

[Edgar's Mom]

Awww... Copper that sucks that they misled you about your job.

I'm in Canada so this might be different here and not all employers respect it, but it is the law here for an employer to accommodate someone with a disability up to the point of undue hardship. They use the example of schedule changes.

Honestly if it keeps up the way it's going, it sounds like you'll crash and burn. If it comes to that point, you could always talk to them, disclose that you have a disability and tell them what schedule you will be able to work...

Here, if an employer doesn't accommodate, they can be tried by the Human Rights Tribunal.

I really want you to get that gaming computer. I know how much video games have helped me through depressions before. It's a great way to pass time until it passes...

Lisa

[WibblyWobbly]

Ugh I've had jobs like that before... They make it sound so golden and then when you start, surprise!! We love you so much we're going to have you work 2 or 3 jobs for the same pay! Hang in there... It's probably a shock to your system right now but hopefully you can adjust to the new environment. I'm rooting for you.

[scatterbrained04]

Have you asked if your schedule is going to continue to be that way? Do they have any employees out right now that they may be using you to cover them? Is the person who interviewed you and told you what you would be doing there to speak to? Sometimes just asking can be helpful.

[Trippin2.0]

That sucks wet rabid dog azz...

If you don't broach the subject of your scheduling they will just assume it's ok with you, even if it's supposedly a short term solution.

Best you speak up and ask why your current schedule is so vastly different from the one that was described to you during your interview.

[raspberrytorte]

I have a GOGOGO job too. It's really stressful. I have to do the work of three people on a daily basis. I usually feel like puking before my shifts, like right now I do because I go in at six.

I kind of autopilot my body and go to my happy place in my mind so I'm kind of there but not really. Works for me.

Sucks they lied at your interview. Seems to happen frequently I've noticed. Labor cuts. I hope you're able to adjust. Hugs.

[aupele]

I completely agree. I wish I could work part time, but I have to work full time, and I really need to find a way not to work full time, I have homocidal thoughts too. The safety of others are my concern....

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

Once you get ahold to ur doc (and get things squared away) you could always change ur doc and pharmacy. My symptoms are nasty and I have to have my meds. I call for refills a week a head of running out. I really hope you get a hold to ur doc ASAP. The whole job thing got me thinking. I plan on going back to work part-time down the road. But what you were told is what I want....low key not around people. That's a must for me. Your strong for wanting to stick the job out. I would've quit.....for the safety of others. I have homicial thoughts. Keep your head up

Sent from iPhone 6 Plus using Tapatalk

I think I would be talking to who ever schedules and the one who hired because if it was a different person, they might not know.

I get my pills 3 months at a time with refills. The pharmacy texts me when it's ready. Can you do the same?

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I think I would be talking to who ever schedules and the one who hired because if it was a different person, they might not know.


I get my pills 3 months at a time with refills. The pharmacy texts me when it's ready. Can you do the same?

The bigger pharmacy stores do offer texting and it's great

Sent from iPhone 6 Plus using Tapatalk

[Unrigged64072835]

That really sucks! If they knew about your condition (and why you accepted the job's terms), I'd think that would be a complaint to HR.

Hang in there and I do hope you get your meds.

[Moogieotter]

Sorry Copperstar! Hang in there!

[CopperStar]

Thanks everyone.

I was able to get 3 hours of sleep last night. Today at work I felt definitely worse. I feel like I am launching into a mixed episode.

So far my symptoms are mostly physiological. I don't really feel "manic" or "depressed". I just cannot sleep for ****, even though I am so exhausted and sore. I cried at work today but luckily nobody saw it. I felt like I was inches away from just breaking down most of the day, but I didn't. At one point I looked at the time and it was 10:26. Then about 15 minutes later I looked at the time and it was 10:26. Of course that is impossible, but that is what I experienced, so I know my mind is slipping from the sleep-deprivation. This is how all of my mixed episodes start.

Based on a CBT exercise I tried, I am just going to keep going until I get fired, and get as much money as I can before then. I can only do my best, everything else is beyond my control. And worse case scenario if I get fired, I will never have to see any of those people ever again, and I can put it behind me. I will get that computer someday.

[Trippin2.0]

I don't understand the "carry on like this until I get fired" Game plan...


Why not discuss the original agreement and get enough sleep, and your computer?


Your above post sounds so hopeless

[CopperStar]

I approached the topic at work today. I was basically brushed off and more or less told that the way things are, are the way things are. I didn't want to get assertive about it, because I don't want to risk losing the job, or having the environment be even more stressful by having my manager be tiffed with me. Right now my manager and I do get along very well and I feel comfortable working under her.

I just don't really see this working out. So I feel like I might as well just go for it and give it my best shot, get as much much money as I can. I lost my last two jobs to mental illness, one to a psychotic break and one to BPD problems. So it's not like I haven't been through this before, I can survive it again. If I push myself and just keep going until the end, there is a chance I will be able to afford the computer. But if I give up now, then it definitely won't happen.

I definitely don't want to give up and walk away. My last job I got psychosis and wound up literally fleeing the building in a panicked, psychotic state and never coming back. The job before that I had a mental breakdown, walked off the job and never came back. This time I want to stay until the bitter end. If it's going to end, I want to be fired. I want to know that I gave it my all.

[ColeM1100]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

So my new job was supposed to be just 3 days a week, even with a break in the middle (2 days on, 1 day off, 1 day on, 3 days off), and 8 hours per shift. It was also supposed to be a job that would involve me working by myself in the back of the store, so low-stress and no dealing with coworkers or customers.

Well it seems it was a bit of a bait-and-switch. My first schedule given has me working 8 days straight, my job duties include everything originally mentioned but plus a bunch more and includes customer service which is insanely stressful, and there is just so much work to do and the environment is total chaos, I have to just GOGOGO constantly for 8 hours straight with no break.

Today was day 4 and by last night my mind was completely wired. My body was so sore and my feet and legs hurt like crazy, and I was so tired I felt nauseated, but I could not fall asleep, my brain would not shut off, and I had to be up at 3AM. I was only able to get two hours of sleep, and not even halfway through today's shift I felt emotional, delirious and couldn't focus on or remember hardly anything. I got home an hour ago at 2PM, and my body hurts so bad and I can feel that I am so tired, but at the same time I feel an uncomfortable pressure to pace,pace,pace around the house and talk to myself.

The cherry on top is that I only have one dosage of my medication left, so I called when I got home to submit my refill request planning on picking it up after tomorrow, and it forwards me to voicemail, tells me that the voicemail box is full and to hang up. WTF. How can a psychiatry office let calls go to voicemail, and have a full box? None of their patients can even leave messages right now. Blows my mind even more than when the pharmacy just ran out of my medication and didn't have it back in stock for days. No wonder so many people give up on treatment, the whole industry is balls.

I'm so afraid I'm going to get so bad that I will be fired. This is my first job in over year, it has been so long since I had money and could get anything for myself. I have been wanting a small gaming computer so badly for so long because I miss that nerdy outlet in my life so much. I have been so excited about getting this job because it will allow me to finally have that back in my life, and then I can just save for a car and whatever else. But I feel like it's all falling apart so fast. I feel like I finally have it and desperately don't want to lose it.

However, my warped, demented sense of humor continues to drag me through the days. Had a customer this morning steal in front of me and give me a really dirty look trying to intimidate me when he noticed I was watching him, then he turned around and tripped over the wet floor sign. Inside I was like okay I can go on for another hour now

Hey Copperstar
Your doing the best you can, everyone is right though you need to talk to them about your schedule.
A pharmacy can be an easy change if you have another convenient one,
as for the doctor I can't say much because I know how hard they are to find

I really hope things turn out well for you job stress like that is really nasty
Take good care