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#1
Dec 16, 2015, 11:58 PM
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the euphoria is gone. im left empty and broken. I cant quit crying. I don't even know whyim crying! it feels like someone died it hurts so much.
im tired of all this. I cant do this anymore. its frustrating and draining. I just rock and cry. I cant do it anymore. |
 LettinG0, Pastel Kitten, Unrigged64072835, Wander
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#2
Dec 17, 2015, 12:20 AM
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I'm sorry to hear you've crashed hard, Hallie. It sounds to me you had a short hypo/manic episode before this. I hope that you feel better soon.
__________________
Do at least one thing you enjoy each day.   Dx: BPD, OCD, GAD, and PTSD traits Rx: Lamictal 200mg and 0.5mg Ativan as needed "Now I can see all the colors that you see." |
| HALLIEBETH87
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#3
Dec 17, 2015, 12:31 AM
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Yeah Ive had one before. But it felt like everything was fine and nothing would ever feel bad again. I was convinced. The euphoria was amaaaaazing. I felt SO amazing and life was perfect.
im see my therapist tomorrow and she said we will "see what we need to do." im not sure what that means. my next pdoc apt is jan 6. |
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#4
Dec 17, 2015, 12:52 AM
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Hang in there hallie
 Hard, I know but we've got your back feel free to chat to us anytime. The crash after the high is unfortunately part of what we deal with 
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 HALLIEBETH87, Pastel Kitten
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#5
Dec 17, 2015, 12:58 AM
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Thanks. Im just trying to self soothe and im playing with my cat. Shes really sweet and doesn't mind my kisses.
im glad I see t tomorrow. I worry about what we need to do for me to get through. maybe I can see pdoc sooner. maybe they wont hwelp with anything. |
| anon9116
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#6
Dec 17, 2015, 03:01 AM
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@Halliebeth87 I am keeping you in my prayers as I notice your post recently this week.
Take care!
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| HALLIEBETH87
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#7
Dec 17, 2015, 03:18 AM
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The bipolar rollercoaster is hell. I am so sorry to hear you are struggling with it. Falling so far down after a euphoric high is almost traumatizing. Is there anything you can do to stay grounded, like mindfulness? My pdoc has explained to me I should try to retain hold of my true self through the episode swings. Your core self remains the same apparently but I find it so hard to connect with when manic or depressed. I make the most of the brief respite from episodes I get to find and hold onto my core self. As I keep practicing it I am more able to do it during milder episodes. Don't know if I am making sense. Right now I am in a mixed episode and I still have a tiny tether connecting me to my true self and it is helping me not feel so overwhelmed. Of course when I am really unwell I lose touch with myself so I have to wait for it to pass before I can ground myself again.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD  "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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#8
Dec 17, 2015, 07:24 AM
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(((Hugs)))) I know how terrible it is coming down from a high. Hang in there.
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#9
Dec 17, 2015, 08:29 AM
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I ugly cried for what seemed like forever last night
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#10
Dec 17, 2015, 08:35 AM
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Quote:
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#11
Dec 17, 2015, 08:36 AM
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((((Hallie))))
So sorry you are dealing with this. Let us know what t recommends..... Thinking of you
__________________
 LettinG0 BP II |
| HALLIEBETH87
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#12
Dec 17, 2015, 10:38 AM
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At my t's office now
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#13
Dec 17, 2015, 12:55 PM
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She said I was manic and handled it with extreme religious ness. Were working on getting me to sleep. I'm still not sleeping. She's gonna talk to pdoc sbout what's going on. I don't see pdoc til jan 6..
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#14
Dec 17, 2015, 01:12 PM
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Hope your t and pdoc can work out something for you.
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| HALLIEBETH87
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#15
Dec 17, 2015, 01:28 PM
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Quote:
I want to sleep sooo bad!!!!!! |
| Pastel Kitten
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#16
Dec 17, 2015, 02:21 PM
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Lack of sleep never helps anything, that's for sure. I hope you're able to sleep soon.
__________________
Do at least one thing you enjoy each day. Dx: BPD, OCD, GAD, and PTSD traits Rx: Lamictal 200mg and 0.5mg Ativan as needed "Now I can see all the colors that you see." |
| HALLIEBETH87
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#17
Dec 17, 2015, 07:46 PM
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I'm sooo tired feeling but when I lay down I'm wide awake and bored. I'm on cancellation list to see pdoc before jan 6.
I apologized to DBT to today for calling and I honestly don't know what I said to her but I said I was sorry for being weird. She said it was ok she wasn't judging me. I know I've crashed harder but boy did I think and feel weird this time. Idk what I even expect pdoc to do to help. |
| LettinG0, Unrigged64072835
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