[Wanderlust90]

I posted about this in the anxiety forum as well but want to repeat it here.

When I was younger I had huge problems sleeping alone. I slept in my parents bed until I was approx 10. If I didn't often I wouldn't sleep at all the entire night. I was too scared. Anything small could have set me off (scary movie or TV show or nightmare in the past fortnight). Anything that set my fear off would affect me for ages. It was partly the dark, partly the fear that something was in the room, or in the house. I couldn't even close my eyes most of the time. I would have to have my bed in the corner of the room so I could see the whole room. I would have to have the TV on so I couldn't hear any potential quiet scary noises likes creaks in the wood at night. I had to have the door open so I could get to mum & dad if I needed (if I managed to stay in my bed that is, my parents tried everything to stop me from sleeping in their bed, sometimes they just gave up because they needed sleep). As soon as I was with them I was dead to the world. If they told me no I would cry until they let me, it could be all night long.

This happened intermittently, though less frequently until I was 18! As I got older I began to fear more paranormal things. Like I would lay in bed doing all the same things I did when I was young minus crying loudly until my mum came to get me, I couldn't close my eyes because I was scared that a presence was in the room. Like a state of hyperarousal. I would just watch TV all night & try to watch funny things, if a "scary" ad came on I would have to change it immediatly. I was too scared to get up to go to the toilet until I heard someone else wake up.

It all got better when I moved in with my bf. Sometimes now when he's in bed & I'm alone I get the same feelings.

This odd, sort of edgy, spaced out feeling is becoming stronger & more persistent recently which is what prompted me to post about it in the first place. I feel scared alone. Is this paranoia or severe anxiety?

[wildflowerchild25]

It sounds like anxiety to me. But I'm no expert.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

It sounds like anxiety to me too. I think anxiety takes all kinds of nasty and ugly twists and turns that make it so hard to decipher sometimes.

[Imah]

I will preface by saying, I was not abused as a child. (People always think I must have been abused to be scared of a boogy man)

By third grade I was afraid of the ghosts knowing I was empathetic and would come to visit me.

I was still afraid of the boogy man until my 40's - until I met my current husband who is the only one whose presence puts a protective shield around me and the psychic attackers can't 'see' me to harm me. My first two husbands had no psychic shielding abilities.

My Dr.'s and other people (even my husband) would call what I experience as part of the delusional part of our bipolar illness.

Idk if it is or not, but I do know that I clearly still feel when a ghost comes in the room, or flies by too close, or when someone is searching psychically for something and it comes to close to my own existence.

So ya, I think its part of bipolar. I get through it 90% of the time with reasoning with myself, and allowing myself things like lights on or tv on. Sometimes I just handle it on the psychic plane. The more aware we are, the stronger we can be. Never harm anyone, help others, remember karma.

I know I sound nuts to some people, but I put myself right out there talking in language only I and people like me understand. I don't know if my invisible world is real, or not. But it feels real, and I don't think up these thoughts or feelings - they happen to me whenever they want to.

I am the leaf, and life is the river.

[Wanderlust90]

Originally Posted by Imah

I will preface by saying, I was not abused as a child. (People always think I must have been abused to be scared of a boogy man)

By third grade I was afraid of the ghosts knowing I was empathetic and would come to visit me.

I was still afraid of the boogy man until my 40's - until I met my current husband who is the only one whose presence puts a protective shield around me and the psychic attackers can't 'see' me to harm me. My first two husbands had no psychic shielding abilities.

My Dr.'s and other people (even my husband) would call what I experience as part of the delusional part of our bipolar illness.

Idk if it is or not, but I do know that I clearly still feel when a ghost comes in the room, or flies by too close, or when someone is searching psychically for something and it comes to close to my own existence.

So ya, I think its part of bipolar. I get through it 90% of the time with reasoning with myself, and allowing myself things like lights on or tv on. Sometimes I just handle it on the psychic plane. The more aware we are, the stronger we can be. Never harm anyone, help others, remember karma.

I know I sound nuts to some people, but I put myself right out there talking in language only I and people like me understand. I don't know if my invisible world is real, or not. But it feels real, and I don't think up these thoughts or feelings - they happen to me whenever they want to.

I am the leaf, and life is the river.

You can pretty much say it's the same as being scared of the boogy man & I wasn't abused as a child either. I had an awesome childhood/adolescence with a loving, stable family. I had no reason to be frightened & no actually experiences of a paranormal kind. It was just this fear that set in. I felt watched & vunerable & it's happening a lot again these days.

I don't feel like I've have or had any sort of psychic ability however. I'm not a complete sceptic, I'm open minded, but haven't had my own personal experience that can fully inform me. I don't think you sound nuts at all, we all jabs a different experience. I don't feel like my partner in particular is a shield of any form either. Pretty much anyone helps. I'm fairly sure I would go completely mad if I was alone in a situation like that dude in Castaway with his soccer ball mate Wilson.

I've actually felt less fear about these anxious/paranoid feelings since I've began to realise they're probably anxiety or bipolar related. So I've sort of let myself experience them with a little less fear sometimes by telling myself the fear has never actually become a reality no matter how on edge & in danger I felt. That it's probably just a chemical thing. Take in the experience more like a you would a drug because it's all in your mind. Well, i freaking hope it's all in my head!!!

[Wanderlust90]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

It sounds like anxiety to me too. I think anxiety takes all kinds of nasty and ugly twists and turns that make it so hard to decipher sometimes.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

It sounds like anxiety to me. But I'm no expert.

The thing that makes me think it's probably anxiety not bipolar related is that it happened a lot as a kid but overall I was happy, if it was bipolar I would assume I would have been far more unstable a lot of the time & I wasn't. So the fear doesn't seem to be related to any particular potential "mood episode" as a kid. I did get sad & have physical symptoms of illness like abdo pain, nausea & diarrhoea at the beginning of the school week too. Even though I was smart & liked school it still overcome me most Sunday nights. These days I'm obviously more aware of when I'm feeling anxious/paranoid & it does seem to be much worse during a mood swing now. In particular during dysphoric hypo mania. But it can happen anytime out of the blue & ill panic.

Benzos do a good job to help aswell. The only antipsychotic I've ever taken is seroquel & only at 25-50mg doses. That almost made me more fearful.

[Imah]

This: Perphenazine (trilafon) stopped my delusional thinking by over 90%. My 'psychic' stuff, or other delusional thinking / feeling watched, feeling like something ominous is approaching, feeling like there is a spirit, or like I need to understand the message the earth/trees/sky/random bird/ insect/ cloud is telling me has slowed way down. So I like this med a lot. It is usually for schitzophrenia, which I don't have, but my pdoc said somethings work for more then just one thing, and not to feel bad.

None of my other meds helped the delusional part of the illness even half as much.

[Vivienhoney]

Your post felt like I was readings something I had written! My therapist says that's part of bipolar for me. Sorry can't write more now bit hypomanic and hands can't type fast enough so I get frustrated but yes I relate a lot to this post x