[gina_re]

Do any of you find yourself destroying friendships more often than you would like?
This just happened to me. I just got fed up with two of my friends for some nonsense and just completely killed whatever friendship was left. It's over something that wouldn't really make someone else mad, but I just couldn't take it anymore. Then I block them from everything, social media and my phone. I've built up such a wall that I don't get too close to people anyway, and if I feel like I need to cut them out of my life, it's not that difficult and probably do so more often than I should. And so my circle of friends is very small because these are the few that can tolerate my mood swings. It's frustrating to not have more friends, but at the same times it's better because I don't have drama in my life.

[Keegan2015]

I often find myself flipping between being really infatuated with people/friends and being really upset/feeling betrayed by them in some way.

I've definitely burnt some bridges with my temper and begrudging attitude. Luckily I still have a circle of people who understand me and who I care about .

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

I was just looking of Borderline Personality Disorder to see if I have it (like I need another disorder!). I have about 3 of the things (should have a minimum of 5 to be diagnosed). I get really attached to people people and I'm VERY loyal. The problem is that I get my feelings hurt and angry when it's not reciprocated. I'm the one that everyone calls when it's an emergency and help with things no one else will and then I get nothing or I'm betrayed in some way. I haven't made any new friends in the past three years because of this. I have 3 loyal friends that reciprocate and are just as loyal.

[hopeless2015]

My circle if friends is very small, I withdraw but I have 2 friends that just won't let me do it and I'm thankful for them both. As much as I want to home up at home and not talk to anyone they will text several times a day to check on me as much as I don't want to reply I can't let myself ignore them. They are true friends and I'm very lucky

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk

In the past I had borderline traits. I still have one to a degree. That one is I will put ppl on a pedestal upon first meeting them and as the friendship progresses, I start picking them apart. I hate that I sometimes do this. But I'm learning interpersonal relationship skills right now in therapy. It's helping. But I've lost a lot of friendships by doing that picking them apart until I see no redeemable qualities and cut them out of my life.

Not saying at all that you have bpd, but maybe look into learning some interpersonal effectiveness skills. It's a part of dbt. If you see a therapist maybe ask them if they'd be willing to take you though them. Just a thought...

[Nammu]

For me its the bipolar symptoms that scare them away. I'm stable for long periods of time...then I'm not and that scares them...my baseline is a very reliable calm patient person......all that disappears and the sudden switch frightens them off. Even It I tell them in advance I'm bipolar they are telling me I'm just misdiagnosed, then they run when the symptom of MI show up. I'm not right now interested in making friends I feel safe in my apartment and am not ready to chance "friends" who flee at the first sign of the bipolar, it just makes thing worse.

I'm not clear on how you are the one destroying the friendships or if it's the illness that causes the problems.

[gina_re]

My very first visit with a psychologist when I was 19, I had brought up BPD thinking that's what I had. He convinced me I wasn't. But as time goes on, I think there are traits there. The two disorders can overlap each other in certain cases. As some of you have mentioned, I will put someone on a pedestal and think they are the greatest person I have ever met. But then he or she eventually won't meet my "expectations" and get so upset that I'm like f you, I don't need you! And I cut it off. I know who my true friends are when they stick it out with me, and I can count that on one hand. And my dad lol.
But I know I need help with that and really want to be in therapy for it, among other things. But trying to find one that accepts my insurance is making it really difficult and I'm almost to the point of giving up.

Originally Posted by gina_re

My very first visit with a psychologist when I was 19, I had brought up BPD thinking that's what I had. He convinced me I wasn't. But as time goes on, I think there are traits there. The two disorders can overlap each other in certain cases. As some of you have mentioned, I will put someone on a pedestal and think they are the greatest person I have ever met. But then he or she eventually won't meet my "expectations" and get so upset that I'm like f you, I don't need you! And I cut it off. I know who my true friends are when they stick it out with me, and I can count that on one hand. And my dad lol.
But I know I need help with that and really want to be in therapy for it, among other things. But trying to find one that accepts my insurance is making it really difficult and I'm almost to the point of giving up.

Oh that sucks! I'm on Medicaid and found a pretty good therapist. At first I didn't think we'd hit it off bc she's so new at doing therapy but she's turned out to be good for me.

I hope you can find someone that takes your insurance and that you click with soon.

[B2008]

If I find someone I feel is trustworthy and we can benefit each others lives, I'm honest up front. It's easier where I live maybe because of a small town but sometimes you just meet someone and click as friends. I feel right away when things are new and positive, its talk time. Just so they are prepared. I was just diagnosed in November but I've been having the talk for a long time! Even tried scaring my husband away 8 years ago but he wouldn't budge! I'm not a social person so since moving back home in 2006 I've only gathered 4 new friends to add to my lifelong 2 I already had here. So it's not like everyone knows. What is nice about being honest is I found out early in the 4 friendships that one woman actually had a lot of the problems I did and we helped each other a lot. The others were more understanding and thankful for the honesty.

I know this approach isn't for everyone but if you try (I try but don't always love myself) to live by the love me like I am or hit the road it just makes things so much easier!

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by B2008

If I find someone I feel is trustworthy and we can benefit each others lives, I'm honest up front. It's easier where I live maybe because of a small town but sometimes you just meet someone and click as friends. I feel right away when things are new and positive, its talk time. Just so they are prepared. I was just diagnosed in November but I've been having the talk for a long time! Even tried scaring my husband away 8 years ago but he wouldn't budge! I'm not a social person so since moving back home in 2006 I've only gathered 4 new friends to add to my lifelong 2 I already had here. So it's not like everyone knows. What is nice about being honest is I found out early in the 4 friendships that one woman actually had a lot of the problems I did and we helped each other a lot. The others were more understanding and thankful for the honesty.

I know this approach isn't for everyone but if you try (I try but don't always love myself) to live by the love me like I am or hit the road it just makes things so much easier!

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

The crazy thing is they are both bipolar. It was a group of four us us and we all met each other while in PHP. The three were diagnosed when we were there, I had my diagnosis for years. The two I'm referencing tend to be manic most of the time. Myself and the other girl tend to swing towards the depressed side. I'm not going to go into the details about what happened, but keeping a group of bipolar females together is difficult! The drama!

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by gina_re

..... But trying to find one that accepts my insurance is making it really difficult and I'm almost to the point of giving up.

I was having a really hard time finding a therapist until my caseworker suggested Psychology Today dot com...They have an excellent 'find a therapist' directory. I choose to search by my insurance there weren't a lot but of them I contacted 3 and got three responses. My first appointment is tomorrow. If it doesn't work I'll recontact one of the others.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I was having a really hard time finding a therapist until my caseworker suggested Psychology Today dot com...They have an excellent 'find a therapist' directory. I choose to search by my insurance there weren't a lot but of them I contacted 3 and got three responses. My first appointment is tomorrow. If it doesn't work I'll recontact one of the others.

a long time ago I followed a highly requimented T from my work eap ... but I knew her as the cat lady down the street ... had a phd but was nutty as a squirrel ... never did see her !!!! thankfully ...

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I was having a really hard time finding a therapist until my caseworker suggested Psychology Today dot com...They have an excellent 'find a therapist' directory. I choose to search by my insurance there weren't a lot but of them I contacted 3 and got three responses. My first appointment is tomorrow. If it doesn't work I'll recontact one of the others.

Thank you, I'm checking it out now!!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

The place I go for therapy will give discounted rates if you don't have insurance or don't have "good insurance" (by which they mean insurance that will pay them ). It's income based but if you are someone who will be going long-term they are willing to consider the circumstances. This is a Christian place and that may be part of why they do this but it may be worth checking into. I would assume that group practices are more likely to do this than individuals although my therapist has told me when he was working for himself he would sometimes take $5/week. I think the center's webpage explains that they have reduced rate so that might help avoid calling a lot of places. I honestly picked where I go because they were 5 minutes from home back then; my insurance then had a $10,000 deductible for mental health so I knew I was paying out of pocket wherever I went. Thank God that type of thing is now illegal. I couldn't even go IP then when I really needed to because I'd be stuck with the entire bill.

Originally Posted by wiretwister

a long time ago I followed a highly requimented T from my work eap ... but I knew her as the cat lady down the street ... had a phd but was nutty as a squirrel ... never did see her !!!! thankfully ...

Lol.....Hey I love cats! And dogs too. That was funny...

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

The place I go for therapy will give discounted rates if you don't have insurance or don't have "good insurance" (by which they mean insurance that will pay them ). It's income based but if you are someone who will be going long-term they are willing to consider the circumstances. This is a Christian place and that may be part of why they do this but it may be worth checking into. I would assume that group practices are more likely to do this than individuals although my therapist has told me when he was working for himself he would sometimes take $5/week. I think the center's webpage explains that they have reduced rate so that might help avoid calling a lot of places. I honestly picked where I go because they were 5 minutes from home back then; my insurance then had a $10,000 deductible for mental health so I knew I was paying out of pocket wherever I went. Thank God that type of thing is now illegal. I couldn't even go IP then when I really needed to because I'd be stuck with the entire bill.

I may or may not be wrong here, but I assume because of my salary I don't qualify for services like that ($47K). I went back to the insurance website, so I'll try another round of calling tomorrow. Thank you BeyondtheRainbow. You are always ready with such helpful resources for everyone. I love that!!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I was making more than that and still getting reduced rates for years. It was because they knew that I was going to be coming for a long time and the expenses added up and they also knew I had med costs, pdoc costs, hospital costs, etc. But I went on reduced rates soon after starting there I think. I think as soon as I had a long-term diagnosis and clearly wasn't going to be done in 6 sessions they let me apply.

[Imah]

I avoid friendships or sabotage them, but it may not be bipolar, idk.

1. I may also have BPD according to a therapist - common for their relationships.
2. Raped by best friends husband when 19 years old, probably contributed to friendship avoidance.
3. Moved so much due to bipolar impulse when young adult that establishing long term friendships was difficult.
4. As a shy child with a very social mother, I was forced to do a lot of charity work, work with the public, enter contests, parades, participate in events. I like to say I learned to hide my shyness behind an outgoing facade that became such a common mask, I lost who I was. I still have difficulty being me with people other then my husband. Even with him sometimes I am too happy and fake.

To be honest, I haven't been interested in being someones friend since I was in High School. By the time I hit my 30's I understood that and actively began trying to avoid friendships. At this point (age 50) I enjoy my relationship with my husband - we both like a lot of space. I love that I have nearly zero obligation to anyone in the world, and I don't understand why I need to establish close relations with other humans. My Dr. would like me to go to group and talk to people. NO Thank You!

I do have social media for the sake of family who may want to peak into my life. I add and delete people, I came out with my mental illness, and put cartoons, or pictured captions up to show how I am doing. I do keep track of my children through this and we occasionally contact each other in this way. I have added and deleted people and articles according to my moods. My husband has helped me on social media when I have gone too far. He hears my keyboard when I get manic, and checks on me that I am not ripping into someone, or going too far with a politician, or getting obsessed. But ya - social media is something I get really weird on.

I have trust and traumatic issues that make allowing myself to get close to people. When I do it is such a foreign thing to me and I feel closed in. As a result I find myself sabotaging any situation where I have become close to people.

This no doubt is a factor of my Bipolar. Thankfully, several people have still stuck by me despite my ocassional aattempts to pull away.