Is there a light at the end of the tunnel - why is it so hard to make friends?

Is it really that hard to make friends in this life? Do people really not want to be there for others when they are depressed and burdened with such sadness? I mean sure, I understand out of 7 billion people that everyone has their own problems and (more or less) don't want to deal with anyone else's problems when they already have their own.
Yet, when one person is consumed with such sadness and despair, where they endlessly reach out to one person to the next only to find closing (if not slamming) doors. How is a person able to look past the already to consuming negativity that plagues their life? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel when all you see is utter – blinding – darkness?
Maybe I've spent far to much time lost in isolated that I've forgotten how to make friends, unable to really connect with others? I really don't know....... What friends I once had I've lost. And those with whom used to call me their best friend are now long gone and seem to be more of a stranger then ever before.
I keep gasping onto this thing called hope. Yet with each passing year, it seems to be nothing but a waste of time. I mean, why hold onto something that's such a fickle and fleeting thing? Every day is the same as the one before. Solitude and loneliness. Will change ever happen if all you get in return for your efforts to make that change possible is the exact opposite of what you sought after?

It's only hard to find compatibility.
That's one of the reasons for this forum. We all have something in common.
Bipolar is very tricky and doesn't manifest the same as say a depressed person who's only thing is depression.
Then friends require energy. We don't always have it to give.
And consistency. We bipolar lack there too.
I'm still friends with people that were in my life 30 years ago. They'd do practically anything for me and I for them.
Do you see where I'm coming from?

Can you describe more about how you reach out to people only to get doors slammed? Maybe we can analyze what you are doing to put people off.

I've felt that way most my life too Kasper.. Idk the answers, got no advice, but I feel ya.

I do see where you are coming from Ocean Swimmer, as I have a hard time doing for and being there for others. Yet, It's in my nature to be there for others, even though Im bipolar. Some days are better then others, sure. Yet over all? Helping others makes me feel good on the inside. And I don't get enough of that on my own.

TishaBuv: I can give you two for instances. Hopefully that can shed some light on things. I have this one friend who isn't bipolar. She has her moments of depression and family issues. Yet, when it came to her needing a friend to be there to talk to, or simply someone to listen? I was always there for her. When the shoe was on the other foot however? I got a lot more closed doors there then the alternative. I even brought up to her once. Said, there have been many times I actually needed a friend, where I should not have been alone. Yet, the few times I attempted to reach out to you you ignored me, or would give me short answers which only fell into silence. The reply I got from that was, I'm sorry.
The other thing is, I created a post online on Craigslist seeking friendship only. My ad was up for over 4 months. Sure, I met quite a few people. Yet, each and every person, save one, has stopped all communication with me. I've thought maybe it's because I write to much, which, guilty as charged. What can I say? I like to write.
Yet, even when I've kept it short? It's the same thing every time. Granted, I only mentioned in my ad that I suffer from agoraphobia and have a hard time leaving my home at times. Yet, I don't think that was the cause or why contact me in the first place? Maybe it's because I'm to honest and up front with people. I'm only grasping at straws at this point, I just dont know what it is.

Well,most people on Craig's List are searching for sexual encounters.
So to think they dropped you and get your feelings hurt is unproductive.
Expectations.
Get paper and pencil and find what it is you have to give. Then ask yourself on the other side what you expect to receive. See which list is longer.
I get a great deal of satisfaction from helping others too.
I'm a volunteer Foster mom for an organization that needs help with abandoned kittens and feral mom cats. I've had up to 19 kittens here at one time. Some with moms.
Then when they're ready for adoption they go back. It's extremely rewarding. I love animals.
You can indeed make friends with animals.

How do you get along with friends when you just focus on doing things together and having a good time? Is it possible you focus too much on your problems when you talk to people and that's what drives them away?

That is so awesome that you do that Ocean, take care of animals and such. Reading that brought a tear to my eye. All those lil kittens all wanting attention and being cute. I do love animals, so who knows. Maybe that's an option in the future?
Well, getting out and about isn't easy, so I don't go out and do much. If I do, it's usually just to the movies and then back home. Aside from that, it is quite possible I do do that Tisha. Yet, even when things have been good and the conversation has been about other things. Ppl usually don't contact me, unless of course they want something. So when I do contact, or reach out to them it's when I'm having a serious moment. Just seems it's damned if I do, damned if I dont

Well you're talking to us now and we're your friends.
One personality trait is being outgoing. My husband is very shy and a lot of people think he's arrogant.
I go to a support group through NAMI DBSA and have made friends there.

"Well, getting out and about isn't easy, so I don't go out and do much. If I do, it's usually just to the movies and then back home. Aside from that, it is quite possible I do do that Tisha. Yet, even when things have been good and the conversation has been about other things. Ppl usually don't contact me, unless of course they want something. So when I do contact, or reach out to them it's when I'm having a serious moment. Just seems it's damned if I do, damned if I dont."

You hit on a very important point there that I've noticed, too.

People don't contact you unless they want something. Even if they are friends. They want someone for company to go somewhere with, they are networking for business, they are bored of going out with just their spouse and want another couple to entertain them, they want money, they want you to support their cause, sometimes they are an old friend and they want to reminisce, etc...

It sucks, but that's the way it is. So, if you want company (and yes, you want something from people, too), you need to be good company and offer something of yourself to make people want to be around you.

As a lonely, single person, I think it's best to reach out to others for company often. Are you a good cook? Invite someone over for dinner and good conversation. Tell people how much you appreciate them.

My vitamin D is also low I take otc 5000 itu daily, I definitely lean toward the depressive side. Hugs to you

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I have felt almost exactly the same way before. I've come to realize that it was my own fault. For me, recognizing what caused the problem made it a lot easier. Not better but easier. I am very shy so going out and meeting new people is very hard for me. I also suffer from social anxiety so that plays a huge factor. When I'm depressed I isolate myself. I don't contact anyone after awhile because I can tell I'm just upsetting them with my pity me party. Then I was angry because the only time I was contacted was when people needed things. I used to be the person people came to for support, but I turned that switch off, without realizing it, because I felt no one was there for me. When depressed you sometimes cannot help it. I moved away from everyone to start over. Now I'm alone because I chose a new path. One to discover myself and my needs. I really hate being a burden to people. Idk I just think discovering your personal part in the finding and keeping of friends, is the most important one.

I'm in the same boat. But I realize that its my issue. Mainly because I don't keep in touch with people like I should. Don't reach out enough. I'm starting to do better now finally with this med combo. Ive realized this is a lonely road to be on but that's why its so important to have places like these to go to and connect with people who have similar struggles. You're not alone in this.

Kasper, I will pre-warn this post that it may be a little "philosophical" or "deep". (I'm going for my 2nd Bachelors in Philosophy, what can I say?).
I am not old...I'm 26. But, I've been told by more people than I can count that I am an "old soul". That I see things a lot of people don't. I can't explain it, and have yet to figure out if it is a blessing or a curse. But, here is my synopsis. Take it as you may ignore it, what have you.

Right now, in 2016, we are in a . . . I don't want to say "dangerous" place because it gives a very negative "dooms-dayish" type of idea. So take that with a grain of salt.

First, we want things fast. Super-fast. Think about it.
- Webpage takes 2 seconds to load? Too slow...we need faster Wi-Fi or something.
- Need news? Twitter, 160 charachters or less and people think the "title" explains what the 500-800 article says (normally, it doesn't...at all).
- Go to the drive-thru and have to wait an entire 5 minutes? Too long, the other drive-thru takes 3 minutes.

It has gotten to the point that we are trying to move so fast, I look for the day it finally just goes bust.

Sadly, the same has crept into our lives. We don't get together and have people over to talk...And if we do, we have to be on our phones, multi-tasking.

For those of use with mental disorders (whatever they are), we feel this ever stronger. We just need 30 minutes of old fashioned human contact...yet many people just feel they don't have time. It is a generational thing and one that has actually crept up into the older generations.

Do not feel discouraged. Seek out groups that you can find people that want to have meaningful relationships (MeetUp.com comes to mind). It is out there, you just have to reall look nowadays.

Keep your chin up and don't give up.

All the best,
Matt S.

While this is/ was an old post, as Im sure no one who read it/ replied to it wud still even be reading anything said from here on out. That being said, however - No, I cannot see where you are coming from. I dont have anyone in my life like that. Ive been utterly alone for a very long time. My only comforts are isolation, pain, self loathing, the darkness/ and these four walls find myself trapped in each and every day. The few friends I had made since this post, have all but come and gone from my life. Trust be told, i dont even want to live anymore. :'-(

I actually feel exactly the same way and cling on to "hope," but it is very hard to make (and keep) friends. I also feel isolated and have some difficulties connecting with others. Plus, I've been hurt, back stabbed, and treated badly by "friends" in the past, although there's a few people in my life, but they are too busy doing their own thing. The more time that goes by, the more this problem concerns me, and I feel disconnected. Sometimes I try to talk myself into joining something where people have a common interest, but who am I kidding? I have too much anxiety and depression causes lack of motivation.

I wish I had some really good advice, but just want to let you know that you are not alone.

Kasperblue, I am so sorry you are isolated. I am very fortunate to have a few close friends, but overall I do have an issue with making friends and often end up isolated or isolating myself. This has been a problem for me since I was a child and often treated as different and not included or even bullied. As a result, I expect to be rejected I think and also have social anxiety. I think this limits my ability to socialize and makes it hard to connect with others. I am only now just realizing how much my view of myself is affecting things. For example due to social anxiety and assuming no one wanted to be around me I avoided a function at a work conference, then ran into people who invited me anyway and had a good time. My mind was using past experiences to make me feel negative about the current one.

I am not suggesting these are issues you have, but I wonder if this problem with isolation is something you can examine in therapy to get some feedback. Sometimes we do things without realizing it that affect our interactions, or can be meeting people who aren't quite right for us, or if we are not doing well mentally in general this can make relationships difficult and we may need to work on that first to build and maintain healthy relationships.