[Wanderlust90]

I'm having a quarter life crisis. It's like a mid life crisis without the luxury car.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life or what I might want to do. I'm stuck in limbo. Is my "bipolar" just a reaction to me not having a clear path anymore. Everything disappoints me. I'm anxious, self confidence is low, I'm confused in my relationship. I'm bored....so so so bored, & agitated, restless, searching. But I'm stuck in the mud, all the searching is in my head because my anxiety which is very real prevents me from actually doing anything. When I do, it's almost always unfulfilling. The exception is the rare moment im with my old friends, drinking & whatever, I let lose, I am myself again, life is meaningful again & all the worlds evil is matched by how exciting chasing its beauty can be. But I don't know when to stop.

I want to be a teen again, I want to feel free again. The realities of the world press down on me & its suffocating. I feel inadequate in my work. I feel disillusioned by the world. I don't know where to go from here but I fantasise about running away, flying overseas & setting about partying my way about another continent. In reality I should be thinking about the extreme psychological distress I would suffer from going back to abusing substances, that dysphoria which consumes me sometimes.

[Imah]

I think you are so cool. Seriously. Just fyi.

[Wanderlust90]

Thanks Imah, your pretty cool yourself!

[gina_re]

I went through a quarter life crisis as well! I kept thinking "What am I going to do with my life now? I'm not getting any younger!" I don't think it's necessarily a bp thing, but I think having bp makes it harder to deal with. Especially since we tend to have all those racing thoughts and impulsiveness, etc. I had been in and out of school several times and was unsuccessful at each attempt. I didn't want to work retail the rest of my life, or be an administrative assistant forever. I want a career, not a job. It took a while, but once I stabilized, I was able to get some clarity and eventually reach my goals. But it wasn't easy.

[SamJam24]

Originally Posted by Wanderlust90

I'm having a quarter life crisis. It's like a mid life crisis without the luxury car.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life or what I might want to do. I'm stuck in limbo. Is my "bipolar" just a reaction to me not having a clear path anymore. Everything disappoints me. I'm anxious, self confidence is low, I'm confused in my relationship. I'm bored....so so so bored, & agitated, restless, searching. But I'm stuck in the mud, all the searching is in my head because my anxiety which is very real prevents me from actually doing anything. When I do, it's almost always unfulfilling. The exception is the rare moment im with my old friends, drinking & whatever, I let lose, I am myself again, life is meaningful again & all the worlds evil is matched by how exciting chasing its beauty can be. But I don't know when to stop.

I want to be a teen again, I want to feel free again. The realities of the world press down on me & its suffocating. I feel inadequate in my work. I feel disillusioned by the world. I don't know where to go from here but I fantasise about running away, flying overseas & setting about partying my way about another continent. In reality I should be thinking about the extreme psychological distress I would suffer from going back to abusing substances, that dysphoria which consumes me sometimes.

Wow. Let me tell you all of that rings true for me too. Where you're at now is exactly where I was a year ago.. Learning about being bipolar but not really wanting to deal with it I figured an easy fix would be just to get rid of the depression, get some Prozac and I'll be ok again. Wrong!

It felt like I was waging a war on myself and I'm so sorry that you're experiencing it now, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I can also say that going back to drowning in substances will only progress how you're feeling; I did the same thing, downing various pills (Xanax, Prozac, and others) while drinking, snorting and just going party crazy. There are times I wish I could go back to that carefree life, but I know that it was a destructive life and it was going to tear me apart.

Fast forward a year, my bf stuck with me through all the garbage and we're living together now. I have a full time job and was just promoted (for the second time!), I bought a new car all on my own and even though I still get into those funky, stressful, restless moods, I KNOW I'm much better off than if I had turned away from help.

It's not always easy, it never will be and that's what breaks my heart, but being BP you also experience the most incredible, natural highs that are all you! It's just a matter of managing yourself, balancing what you can and can't handle at any given time. Some days I come home and all I can do is feed my pets dinner, other days I come home and I have so much energy I clean the house from top to bottom.

Sorry this post is a bit lengthy, hope it's not too aggravating to read through Keep hope alive, find positive outlets like dancing, drawing, writing, running or even just screaming and yelling and throwing a tantrum to yourself (this helps me sometimes)! I believe in you!

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