All over my head....Can't stop it....

Hi,

I had a long time to come here and i don't know if i will come again.The pdoc didn't help very much and i feel destroyed.My head is empty and i have days to feel happiness or pleasure.Now even the the things i love can't do a thing.Every miserable thing,thought and emotion,my deepest fears,those that i had beaten and even myself,when i was a child,have came back to haunt me.I have days to sleep well because of stress and anxiety,it has become so much that i can't cope with it.I don't feel human anymore,i feel like a robot that does things because it has to.I have become automated,working with instinct and not thought,resulting in failure to nearly everything i do.My dreams are all shaterred and i have become a slave of my mind.And the worst is that i have to stand back,not to fight,just to see myself falling deeper and deeper to the void of my thoughts,those random thoughts,that tell me to do things that my subconscious mind wants and not me.That's how the situation has.If everyone can say anything,please say it.It would be very appreciated.

PS:Thanks for reading this.

Rebel.

((( rebel )))
I'm so sorry things are so bad for you right now. Maybe you should let your pdoc know that things aren't working out. I'm sure they could find a way to make things better for you. I'm sending you gentle hugs if that's ok.

It's ok.Thank you very much.I wish i could say something to you too,but i don't have something to say.

Hey Rebel......know that your not alone in the thoughts and feelings you have,lots of us cant seem to push back the clouds but most often it does get better with the right treatment....sounds like you need to talk with your pdoc too.
Feel better soon.

If it makes you feel any better, know that i am feeling that way too. (swapping hugs)))

Rebel,

We are here you know that. If I have learned anything, you have to drop the baggage. Let it go..... I know what your thinkin, right Tucker easy for you to say. That's how I'm getting out, letting the past go. Things you have no control over why fight and beat yourself up for? It's not worth it..

The thoughts you might have over ppl and things, are long forgotton......

Just wanted to let you know that I read your post...at a loss for words other than discussing with pdoc...things are not working...

I know they aren't...And the problem is(this is for Tucker)that my mind doesn't want to stop this..I 've let go every moment of my life and have deleted my past,for the tenth time,but still it hasn't worked.Don't know what else to do...

Rebel.....For a year in therapy I discussed the various forms of abuse Ive been through.In my mind it made things worse for me.
Still today,at 40,those things are still painful however Ive started to learn that If I want to move on with my life I had to stop focusing on them.
Most of what I went through,I blamed myself......any loss of control in my environment Ive felt right back into the victim role.Forgiving yourself,allowing yourself to feel angry and most of all to try loving yourself is the best medicine.

I wish you all the best Rebel.

Ps......it takes a long time rebel to work these things out,but hey,at least your trying right?

Rebel,

Sendin ya a Tucker Hug, sorry for the way your feelin. Times will get better. Pdocs took along time, I'm still workin it out here. Never give up. With you..........

i feel the same way in every aspect. im in a christian religous belief system. but not even that helps, but makes me feel worse. guilt of being a sinner. am i alone in being torn in that aspect? i have little to no self esteem period. i see myself as **** to be honest. but i hide it extremely well to strangers or even everyone. my wife is the only who sees it. help meeeeeeeeee. lol. i really do need self assurance im not nutty. i do take pills for my bi polar and my add. fyi. thank you for your time.

Hi soulxgt;this post is from 2007, so you may not get a response from the members that were part of the thread. I just wanted to welcome you to the bipolar group and I hope you find this site supportive.