[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I think this might be one of the biggest traits I wish I had. With my BP, the slightest thing can absolutely send me into a tailspin. It happened tonight, and I happened to be in public (more or less) at a class I regularly attend. It was evident I wasn't OK, and it was awful for me to feel so exposed. A really small incident was the straw that broke the ever-so-delicate camel's back. Why can't I bounce back from things like that!?!?!?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

((Hugs)) I don't know if it's part of the illness but I'm like this too even when I'm stable. I go off on the drop of a hat or worst, have a panic attack in public. A reason I can't hold a job right now. If I have a breakdown in front of a crowd again I'm going to really lose it. You're not alone. I'm sure a lot of us can relate.

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[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by NoIdeaWhatToDo

I think this might be one of the biggest traits I wish I had. With my BP, the slightest thing can absolutely send me into a tailspin. It happened tonight, and I happened to be in public (more or less) at a class I regularly attend. It was evident I wasn't OK, and it was awful for me to feel so exposed. A really small incident was the straw that broke the ever-so-delicate camel's back. Why can't I bounce back from things like that!?!?!?

You didn't say how old you are, but *I* am in my fifties and all I can say is that it never gets completely easy, although with practice you will have some relief.

I had a panic attack in a drugstore and if it weren't for my husband being with me it would have been a big embarrassing mess. However, the things that used to trigger me in my 20s don't bother me now.

[Ocean Swimmer]

My current Meds seem to control panic attacks.
Like when I went to the bank and found out a friend of 15 years had been embezzling. And somehow got his name as a signer on my husbands account too.
I just fixed it. I was angry. But not intensely like in the past.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I'm in my mid-30s. I got triggered early in the afternoon by a work email that took me for a serious spin. I'm technically on vacation this work, but I am virtually solely responsible for several projects and tasks in my workplace that mean I have to at least scan my email to make sure our agency doesn't miss critical deadlines. This was one of those emails, and the volume of work it requested was about 18-24 hours of work. I'm supposed to leave on a vacation trip today with my kids and a friend, and I freaked out about what to do. It also had a side issue related to my boss, who is often really triggering to me, even though she is incredibly supportive of me. I had to send her this info and knew part of her response would be triggering. Ultimately, she told me to ignore it until I got back from vacation, which was wonderful, but that's where the resilience factor comes in - I was already spun and couldn't undo it.

I felt like I wanted to stay home last night, but convinced myself to go to this class. Once there, my young son and his friend lied to me about doing something they know they shouldn't. And that sent me. Even though we worked it out, my emotional state was totally shot. To the point where I felt like calling off the vacation trip today. Felt a little better this morning after sleeping, but my friend just called and her daughter had a slight fever/sore throat. My husband thinks we should still go even if they don't (he's staying home for work). The way he said it leaves me wondering if he really wants this to be something that we do to relax, or whether he just wants us out of his space for the rest of the week. I feel like he's judging me, even though he's generally really supportive. But I think he must be exhausted dealing with me.

So I sit, and I spin, and I spin, and I spin...and I don't feel like I'll ever get anywhere.

[lilypup]

I am 56 and agree that this will get easier. But I cry at the drop of a hat. Hymns at church makes me melt down and cry. Being at the doctor's office makes me cry. I am just over emotional about everything. Very frustrating.

[seoultous]

I think it is fair to say the BP causes one to question themselves leading to self doubt. I think this feeds into my inability to bounce back as I would like. For example, I worry about something at work and I can't tell if it is a big deal or not so big a deal because I don't trust the emotions that clue me in. Hence the self doubt and confusion. I believe this prevents me from having the resilience I need to manage my everyday life better.

[piano97]

Hang in there. Resiliency is built slowly and over time. We can do things daily that help foster that development, even at a low point.

When I saw the thread I thought to myself "wow, my resiliency is really building up". I had a really low point last September-January. Slowly things have improve but I had to force a lot of it. I was on the couch or bed, for weeks, pretty certain I was about to die. The pain was unbearable. I wanted to die. Big-time. Have not experienced that intensity before. And hope I never do again.

Anyhow, one day, some how, I dragged myself to the gym, where I hadn't been in at least six months. I used to run but was way out of shape. I walked and ran a little bit for 50minutes. I came up with that number. I stuck with it. I did it 4 days in a row. I went back to the couch/bed right after, but it really, really helped me. I think that was the real turn-around point. For the next 2 months I exercised close to an hour at least every other day. Even if I was in bed most of the rest of the day.

I built up some resiliency. I started eating a little bit more often and better. I got a little more social. I applied for a new job. I got the job. And now have 1 full month under my belt. I haven't worked a full month in over in about 16 months before now.

I know what you mean about feeling exposed in public if you lose control. I've had it happen at work and with friends. It sucks. You can't let it get you down too much though. Focus on health and wellness. Symptom management comes along with that. Whatever your goals are you can achieve them, day by day, step by step.

[pirilin]

================(((HUGS)))=================

[jules77]

i am the same way. i feel resilient when i am stable, but when i slow down and get depressed my resilience levels also drop. it is very frustrating because i feel weak and that i'm playing a victim, but i try so hard to not be that way. hugs.

[gina_re]

I think it is something that comes with time. The more you experience, the better you get at refining your coping skills. The stuff that used to get me all worked before doesn't bother me so much anymore. I've learned how to deal with the issues in a more productive manner.

First, cut yourself some slack. You will go through things at a very personal rate. Nobody else has walked in exactly the same steps as you. You are going through life, figuring out your unique experience in your own unique way. Build coping skills and work on stability. When you are in a better place, list all of the times you handled a stressful event well. Pat yourself on the back for it. It will help keep things in perspective during times like these. If you've never handled stress well, practice coping skills and it will come. There is always hope. BP or not, stress is a killer. You might feel others would have handled your stress better, but that's likely untrue and their lives were different from yours. Focus on doing your best. Be easy on yourself.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Thanks for all the support and suggestions, everyone. We ended up going on our vacation, friends and all. It's beautiful where we are, and quiet. And my friend is one of the few who know about my BP - she's super supportive and has her own set of issues that she struggles with. We can laugh about our respective 'isms' with each other, because neither of us ever feels judged by the other about it all, which is wonderful.

I'm feeling better being away from it all right now, so I'm trying not to think about returning to my class next week and facing everyone. I get to practice my mindfulness now, and just settle into the current moment, rather than living (and struggling) in my presumed future.

I don't think resilience is something that I've ever really had a grasp on. I've always avoided things that were too challenging to me or exposed me to failure. Success was really revered in my upbringing, and I was lucky that many things came easily to me; so I did those things that I was easily successful at and skipped anything else. Very 'fixed mindset'. I think that's a major reason why I have such a hard time with being resilient - even when I'm at my best emotionally/mentally, a small setback feels enormous and insurmountable to me.

I'm just not sure how to cultivate greater resilience, and I often feel like that's one of the bigger factors working against me in managing my day-to-day life.

Interestingly, there's a kind of grey spot (don't really know what to call it) when I'm in a depressed state where I sometimes won't get worked up at all about things that might normally make me freak out. The feeling I get in those times of calm and sort of just letting go of whatever went wrong seems like it would be the kind of resilience I would want at other (non-depressed) times, except that it comes from a place of feeling like nothing really matters anyway. I swear, in those parts of my episodes, my house could burn down around me and I would just sort of shrug and say, 'Oh well.' It's like some eery calm in the eye of the storm or something. There's a tinge of feeling defeated in there, or maybe it's just apathy; I don't know... Does anyone else ever get a feeling like that?