I can't be fully honest and open with my therapist

Often I'm too anxious to tell my therapist my true feelings. This has been a problem ever since I started therapy.

I'm in a good mood now, but when I'm depressed, I'm afraid of bringing up my suicidal thoughts. Or, when I'm angry, I'm afraid of bringing up my homicdal thoughts.

I never act on my suicidal thoughts or my homicdal thoughts. However, sometimes I come up with a "plan" of how I'm going to carry out said thought, and that's when I really want to talk to my therapist. I'm just afraid I'll be committed -- locked up -- for saying those things.

Also, I have social anxiety, so I'm "socially anxious" about telling my therapist that I suffer from social anxiety.

Does anyone else have similar problems?

When I was in therapy in college I couldn't talk to my therapist much at all. I wrote everything into a 5 or 7 page document each week and he read it to himself and we talked about it. It wasn't traditional but it worked for me.

Now I talk in therapy and can usually tell my therapist everything (after 10 years together). But when there is something I can't say I go back to writing. Last year I had to confront him about something he was doing and I was terrified but the letter format worked for us.

When I was very, very, very sick this fall and couldn't communicate in any way he had me draw pictures and that was very helpful. I was so hopeless and suicidal and drawing got those feelings out and helped him know what I really felt instead of guessing.

I would absolutely mention the social anxiety. From quite some posts you wrote I read how much you struggle and this is really something that can and "should" be fixed (I deliberately choose not too visit friends too often and I am very much comfortable with isolation, but I have no social anxiety even though I had during my first yearslong severe depression and years after that). I had to discover all the things to cope by myself, but I am sure a therapist can really help you in no-time (relatively speaking). It also helps you to rise from depression much quicker.

The "plans" I wouldn't talk about, personally, but if not telling might endanger you any time in the future, I would just be open, also mentioning the importance of the "plans" for you. The (maybe delusional) importance is what matters most.

that was me on friday march 25 of this year ... I packed a change of clothes , informed work I might be off 3 days or so ... and was prepared to be put ip ...
but it all went well and has really opened up my relationship with my new T .... it was life changing for me to finally be completely open ... it worked for me ... if you feel you should think about it .... what is the worst that could happen ... a few days ip ... I felt it was worth it ... good luck ...

the only way you'll be committed against your will is if you say something along the lines of "if you let me leave here I will do this". the doctor in the psych ER has to believe you are of actual harm to your life or the lives of others to be involuntarily put into inpatient. I'd say talk away with your therapist if you think it will help you cope.

Yeah, writing might be a good option for me. Sometimes I can't say what I want to say, either because I'm nervous or because I don't know how to say it. Thanks for the idea.

Yeah, I have no one in my life to support me through rough times. My parents don't believe in mental illness, and I really don't have any friends. So, when I'm depressed, I typically feel alone and unwanted, which seems to "encourage" the negative thoughts and makes me suicidal.

I'm sure that fixing my social anxiety will help with depression a lot.

And yeah... I don't really want to talk about my "plans", but at the same time, I want to get help. I feel like i'll ultimately carry out one of my "plans" if I don't say something.

I essentially have 1 specific plan that keeps coming up every time I become suicidal. The more I think of it, the more appealing it seems. That's basically the problem.

Yeah, I'm just very afraid of IP. I've never been to IP, so I have no idea what to expect. (I'm basically afraid of the unknown.)

I'm worried that I might be in IP for more than 3 days, especially if I'm involuntarily committed. Then what is my employer going to think? Will I lose my job? How will I take time off? Will my employer know I was in IP?

I have so many fears associated with IP. I guess that's why I'm deathly afraid of being completely open with my T.

I just have to overcome this fear of being put in IP. Thank you for your advice, though. It was helpful

The hospital will give you a medical excuse that doesn't give any information about why you were in the hospital.

I was terrified of the hospital for many years. I"ve been 5 times now and it's not big deal. In fact it usually is a relief to get there and know I'm safe.

It's fine to talk to your therapist about suicidal ideation. They are used to it and if they locked up everyone who talked about it they'd need a lot more hospital beds. I've gradually learned to tell my therapist all about those feelings to the point that it is just something that we seem to check off a list when I'm not well. I did give him something I thought I might use to hurt myself some months back and I got that back last week, which is a great gauge of my progress lately. There have been other times he has kept things for me and a very long period where my meds were locked in a box and he had the key. So every week I brought the locked box and took a minute of the session to get the meds I needed for the week out of the lock box and then it was locked up. For a while he made sure I wasn't taking extra and then eased up on the supervision although it took 2.5 years before both doctors agreed that I could manage my meds alone again.

I have finally learned to feel comfortable telling him those things and it makes me feel a lot safer.

I was taught in college that suicidal ideation is pretty common even in non MI folks so I'm sure a decent therapist would not totally freak out if you brought it up during therapy.

There's also a difference between active suicidal thoughts and passive suicidal thoughts. Active thoughts you have an actual plan. Passive thoughts are just thoughts, no actual need or want to go through with it.

when i was ip three years ago starting this wonderful journey I have been on , yah really, 7 days involuntary , I was given short term disability so I could do a month long op group . but I work for a large corp ... those questions can not be answered in advance ... the real question is ... will this help or even save your life ... then any price is worth it .... jobs can be replaced ... lives can not ...

If you're in the hospital, that's all your employer will know. They don't need the diagnosis, all is needed is proof that you are under the care of a doctor.

I told my T my thoughts of harming others / myself all the time. We came up with a couple of safety plans for when I'm impulsive. There's three things that need to be active to be commitable: Thought, plan, intent. If you have all three then you usually get hospitalized but one or two you come out with a safety plan.

It might also help, and I am completely honest, to come up with a "harming" plan: something you might do to harm yourself which isn't life-threatening or that threatens your present situation and future (chances), made very explicit and limiting (so you describe a way and extent). Or maybe something that simulates what you want to do, but is completely harmless.

In times that you feel loss of control or you feel you want to end it, being impulsive, you can execute that plan as a replacement for potentially worse things.

An example could be maybe playing a video game where you can shoot people or boxing or something that gives you instant and very high anxiety (so as to incapacitate you).

I'm also likely to cut myself then accually hurt someone else. I make sure they're superficial and that's after taking a prn.