[kkrrhh]

So I started writing up a super long message, but I deleted it and will keep it simple. :P

My depression pretty much always gets bad in the winter, and the spring/summer and nicer weather of course helps a lot in pulling me out of it. I know spring triggers mania for a lot of people, and I've now realized the 2 pretty certain clear hypomanic spells I've had were during the spring/summer.

How do you keep from going crazy worrying about hypomania/mania in spring, particularly when you're coming out of a depressive spell and trying to get better? I'm working on coming out of a bad spell now and I've wanting so desperately to feel better, but now I'm having trouble even enjoying any progress I am making. I've had a sort of freak out over trying to stay stable now that I'm aware and I've gotten myself to a point where I'm so preoccupied with worrying about going hypomanic, I feel like it's sabotaging my getting better. I've been feeling some improvement recently, and almost anything good I feel is followed by almost paralyzing worrying and overthinking that ruins it, and I almost feel a sense of guilt when I feel good things or anything that could even possibly slightly point to heading toward hypomania. I want to embrace the hope and positivity that both spring and getting out of a depressive spell usually bring me and not just ruin them for no reason, but I'm so worried about where things swing from just that into hypomania, and whether they will.

I'm guessing this has probably been asked before and I know it's one of those questions where there's not really a magic answer, haha. But does anyone else struggle with this and have advice that helps them?