When to tell SO you have mental health issues?

I am going on a date with a guy this week. I already know him pretty well and I hope that we will continue seeing each other after that first date. When is it appropriate to tell someone you're seeing you have a mental illness? That's not exactly a first date topic, but I feel like if you wait too long, it appears like you were trying to hide it and then they feel "trapped."

I wait until the relationship is exclusive then I tell them right away as a precaution and to explain why my mood may shift. I know a lot of people say to wait but I like to get all my cards out on the table asap. I also need to know I can trust the person not to run out on me for it. They usually say it's not a big deal... Until I have an episode and they have to be front row to witness it.

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I am very upfront so I always waited until the end of the second date. If there was going to be a third date then I felt they should know so they could decide if they wanted to keep seeing me.

For what it's worth I never had anyone freak out when I told them or say they couldn't date me because I was bipolar. I did have several ask if I took medication, how often I got manic, general explanation of what bipolar is etc.. but no freak outs or being dumped because of it so that was good

Good luck to you

I wait until I know that person is going to be around for a bit, then I disclose. I don't make a big deal about it, so they usually don't either.

So, I haven't ever had to deal with this since I have been with my SO since i was diagnosed. But I would think, there is so much more to me (and you) than your illness and I wouldn't hide anything or bring it up necessarily. Like I wouldn't hide taking my meds or avoid taking them in front of a person. If they asked what they were for, I'd tell them. If I was sharing a story of something crazy I did when I was manic, I would probably state it as 'I was manic.' I wouldn't hide appointments with a therapist, etc. I would think that would be the natural evolution of telling people.

Though with all that said, sometimes when I am hypo I can't keep my mouth shut and say way more than I should, which has included telling folks I am bp then regretting it. Or just generally oversharing....good times.

Again, though, I am not on the 'dating scene' and have never been in that position.

I've been with my husband for 13 years and was diagnosed bipolar during that time. Before that I thought I had depression and I told people up front. I worry more about people hearing things from others. I prefer they hear it from me so I'm pretty upfront. I'm probably too upfront. It's bitten me in the arse on more than 1 occasion. I don't think there is a right or wrong to this. It's more about how YOU feel about it that matters. (((Hugs)))

For those of you who told the person you were dating straight up -- how did you word it? Were you casual about it or more serious?

I'd ask them to tell me one thing I should know about them before our third date. After they told me (as long as it wasn't a deal breaker) I would just say my fun fact is I'm bipolar. Any questions, thoughts or concerns? Always said the last part with a wink so I guess I was playful/casual.

I'd say whenever you feel most comfortable telling the person. You could bring it up more casually, such as during a conversation where you're highlighting positive aspects of the other person's personality. I'd say as a precaution maybe wait until the second or third date to bring it up if you decide to take the more serious approach.

It sounds like you already have your answer. I agree. I wouldn't want to talk about it on the very first date, but once you have talked several times and have gotten to know each other better, where you feel comfortable enough to open up, then I would not delay in letting that person know some of my difficulties because I would rather scare them away sooner rather than later.

I would not want to get too attached and then find out later that this man has no compassion or tolerance for people with difficulties and cannot see the best in me, or we will not be good for one another. If I tried to hide my problems then I am not giving the other person a chance to see if that is what they really want. I am not giving them the chance to show me if they have enough goodness inside to step up to the plate, or show them that I am thinking the best of them by giving them a chance to show me that they are capable of loving me.

We must have faith until proven differently and give others a chance. Neither one of us will know what we are getting into if we can't be ourselves. Opening up will either bring out the best or worst in the other person and it is something we have to find out so we don't cheat our self or the other person of finding out. We want to care enough to allow them to find someone right for them as we would like to find that for our self, so we have a duty to show them who we really are. That is the only way to find true love.

Trust God to help you find it and don't worry about making impressions but rely on His blessings. You may be just who they needed but they can't find that out if you hide your true self-good or bad. It is only fair to that other person to be honest so you can see if you have met the right kind of man that you need and they can show you that they can accept and appreciate you, and vice versa. There may be things about that man that will bring out the best in you and find out more about yourself then what you knew. He may motivate you to become better as you do the same for him. That is when you know you are right for each other.