[psykei]

I'm struggling.

I'm pregnant (and bipolar) and I met my obgyn for the first time yesterday. I was really nervous about internal exams so I brought them up and it ended with me telling her I have never had a pap test. She said we should do one next time and I very hesitantly agreed. I know I have to get used to that sort of thing. I know, logically, that it's not a big deal. I know that it's an important thing to do. But still, there's a reason I've never had a pap test and I am borderlining panic attacks just thinking about going through with it.

My partner doesn't really get it. He's been trying to assure me that everything will be fine and it'll be uncomfortable for a few minutes and then over but it's not about that. I'm certain I'll be crying hysterically the whole time and I don't know what to do.

I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow to talk to him about it but I'm wondering if anyone here has ever had to deal with complex trauma and if you were able to get over it at least as much as you needed to?

It's just really hard and I can't even fully explain to myself why it's so distressing for me. It's an uncontrollable reaction like every immediate 0 to 100% emotion I get when triggered.

I was thinking maybe I'd be okay if they could give me something to calm the heck down but, yeah, pregnant.

Thoughts?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I always asked them to talk to me to help me stay in the present. That varied with the dr. Then I saw this amazing dr. who was able to show me muscles to relax and suddenly it was easy to handle (and I have a sexual abuse history so I was tightening up and making it harder for her to do the exam).

Also ask them to use the smallest possible speculum, pediatric if they can.

I wound up having a lot of exams in the last couple of years before I had a hysterectomy and actually got comfortable with them (as long as I had my preferred dr and her magic muscle relaxation trick). I got to the point that it really didn't bother me too much.