Very Rough Day

Our sweet little guinea pig died today.

She was 6. I'd been mentally preparing myself, but, as you know, it's never enough when it actually happens. That is a pretty typical lifespan, and she'd had 2 physical issues that meds from the vet didn't fix (she carried on like a champ even despite the second thing being respitory, which is very hard on them). She'd lost a lot of weight (despite a good appetite to the end), but was lively and rambunctious.

Last night I gave her her "cookie" (a nutritional supplement biscuit kind of thing), and she was going crazy, trying to climb right out of the enclosure, just like always. (LOVED the cookies! She'd not let you forget THAT little night time routine, that's for sure!). But today, as I approached the enclosure... her position was atypical, and... yeah.

I've been crying so hard today. Just yesterday was the first day I didn't have a bad go with the episode. I'd even done the dishes and taken a shower. I made myself do a grocery run today. Held up ok (close eyes, breathe through) in public, but lost it putting the groceries away. Clearly there's still a lot going on under the surface, but mostly I just feel numb. And crying. A lot.

I'd ALWAYS say-sing something to her every time I went by. And go over to "scritchy-scratch". As our place is very small (less than 500 sq. ft), and she was central, that was a LOT. So EVERY time today, in any direction through the apartment... I'd start, and ... realize. You literally cannot go anywhere in here without going by her spot.

She was loved very, very much. She was unconditional love incarnate. So cute. So funny. I'm going to miss her so much. My little confidant.

I don't know what impact this will have on the episode. My mind is too full for anything else at this point. But the crying is probably a release on other fronts as well.

Sorry to go on and on about my wee rodent. But I need to say it. I don't know if distraction here will work, so if I'm kind of quiet for awhile, that's why. Or maybe it is. Don't know yet.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure