[JustJace2u]

Just went to my local library to check out some books on bipolar disorder so I could hopefully do some reading this weekend. I really need to know what the ***** is wrong with me. Anyway, I feel guilty because I yelled at the lady at the checkout desk and told her to ***** herself. All this because apparently my card expired and needed to be updated, but I first had to pay a fine but since I didn't have my card with me I couldn't do it. Needless to say, I walked out without any books and now I feel like a complete jerk. I don't recall ever reacting this way, it really bothers me knowing this could be what the rest of my life is gonna be like.

I've behaved badly in the past. I understand your pain and guilt. Knowledge is power. Learn as much as you can and you can get bipolar in-order

[JustJace2u]

I'm trying, but it sucks.

[Daonnachd]

As unfortunate as your reaction may have been, I don't believe it irreparable. Go back and apologise, explaining that you understand nothing makes it ok, but that you were under lots of stress and the card-fine combination simply overwhelmed you. (I think that's true.)

I know that an honest and heartfelt apology would go a long way toward making amends. You'll certainly want to reassure staff there that it would not happen again and that you "feel like a complete jerk" having allowed it once.

The rest of life doesn't have to be like this; you're under stress and reacting in ways you may not in other situations. We live and learn. From this you can see how important it is to take a breath before responding to something. It can be difficult, but it is possible.

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by vertigo

As unfortunate as your reaction may have been, I don't believe it irreparable. Go back and apologise, explaining that you understand nothing makes it ok, but that you were under lots of stress and the card-fine combination simply overwhelmed you. (I think that's true.)

I know that an honest and heartfelt apology would go a long way toward making amends. You'll certainly want to reassure staff there that it would not happen again and that you "feel like a complete jerk" having allowed it once.

The rest of life doesn't have to be like this; you're under stress and reacting in ways you may not in other situations. We live and learn. From this you can see how important it is to take a breath before responding to something. It can be difficult, but it is possible.

I know I should go and apologize, but at the same time I'm embarrassed. The other thing is, I'm actually moving in a few weeks so I will most likely never be at this particular library again since I'm moving to another town a few miles away.

I'm thankful for places like this forum where I can come and not feel as if I'm being judged. Thank you!

[Gabyunbound]

I can understand that you feel embarrassed and guilty; it's probably happened to all of us, whether due to a bipolar cycle or not. As you learn more about BP you'll see that sometimes we do things out of stress and every day irritability not attributable to Bipolar. Try and be aware of your 'triggers' (what makes you behave and think the way you do) and I think it will go a long way in preventing them. That said, it can happen anyway, and the guilt and embarrassment that ensues can really REALLY suck. Be kind to yourself, you're only human.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

Just went to my local library to check out some books on bipolar disorder so I could hopefully do some reading this weekend. I really need to know what the ***** is wrong with me. Anyway, I feel guilty because I yelled at the lady at the checkout desk and told her to ***** herself. All this because apparently my card expired and needed to be updated, but I first had to pay a fine but since I didn't have my card with me I couldn't do it. Needless to say, I walked out without any books and now I feel like a complete jerk. I don't recall ever reacting this way, it really bothers me knowing this could be what the rest of my life is gonna be like.

Are you newly diagnosed? I've been dealing with this my whole life, even though It took a long while to get the full dx. In my experiences, I have found MANY opportunities to make a complete fool of myself. Some of which I DID because I just totally lost control of myself. But once you learn your triggers, and the signals of when your "poles" are about to flip, you can take measures to try to prevent a lot of events from happening. Maybe not all of them, but you can eventually make things a little more manageable. Learn all you can about it because knowledge does give you the skills and power to take back your life to some extent.

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

Are you newly diagnosed? I've been dealing with this my whole life, even though It took a long while to get the full dx. In my experiences, I have found MANY opportunities to make a complete fool of myself. Some of which I DID because I just totally lost control of myself. But once you learn your triggers, and the signals of when your "poles" are about to flip, you can take measures to try to prevent a lot of events from happening. Maybe not all of them, but you can eventually make things a little more manageable. Learn all you can about it because knowledge does give you the skills and power to take back your life to some extent.

I am newly diagnosed as of about 1 month ago. I was diagnosed as a teen with SAD, but eventually grew out of it (or so I thought). Now it seems I have BP2 and MDD.