[1278]

My parents have been fighting with me this past week when I'm at my worst, most suicidal and irritable and I honestly can't do this anymore. I hate my life so much, it hurts just to breathe. I'm tired of fighting this illness, of seeing the resentment and disappointment in my parents faces everyday. I'm just so tired of everything and everyone and I just want it to end.

[Wander]

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering deeply, and that your parents don't understand. Breathe, you can get through this. It will pass. Do you have any other support? Doctor, therapist or friend? It sounds like you need some right now. Are you safe? Your life is important. Keep posting if it helps.

[manicdiamond]

Please go to the ER if you think you may kill yourself. I'm sending you a ton of hugs and support!

[pirilin]

Hi 1278: Long time no chat.
Apparently the situation has not improved for you. I'm very sorry to hear that.
If you give up, nothing is going to get solved. Your parents will suffer even more.
They are frustrated at the situation. Not at you. I think group therapy is in order.
Someone has to make all of you understand that it is nobody's fault. And probably things will change for the better.
Family therapy worked for Cashart, it can work for you too.
If you want to talk about, you're more than welcome to PM me. Be safe.

[violetgreen]

Hi 1228! I'm sorry that your parents are fighting at you, when the better move for them would be to just stop and listen and show their love. Being so overwhelmed and vulnerable you are clear-headed to post about your situation here. It's ironic that your parents get to be resentful and disappointed towards you when they are just being inadequate and not-good-enough parents! So, I think they are mistaken about holding you to a higher standard than they are capable of. You probably can't change them but can you change your expectations towards them? I hope you can focus on and take care of yourself during this hard patch.

[Misssy2]

Originally Posted by 1278

My parents have been fighting with me this past week when I'm at my worst, most suicidal and irritable and I honestly can't do this anymore. I hate my life so much, it hurts just to breathe. I'm tired of fighting this illness, of seeing the resentment and disappointment in my parents faces everyday. I'm just so tired of everything and everyone and I just want it to end.

Don't hurt yourself...your parents probably have issues which is maybe why you have issues. You will grow up and get away and life will be different. Notice I didn't say BETTER? It will be different....some days ARE WORTH living..and you don't want to miss those days.

you deserve to live...and you deserve to search for your happiness. You are not worthless...God does not create JUNK.

[1278]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support, they mean so much to me I had a session with my therapist and she is also extremely worried about my mental state wants me to go into hospital. It's a bit hard at the moment financially so I don't think that would be possible but I made an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist.

That doesn't sound good at all. I wish I could offer support or advise but the dynamics of your situation sound complicated. Are you able to trust a counselor. Are you in school where they may have resources to help you through this?

[1278]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

That doesn't sound good at all. I wish I could offer support or advise but the dynamics of your situation sound complicated. Are you able to trust a counselor. Are you in school where they may have resources to help you through this?

Unfortunately I had to drop out of Uni as I was and still am very unstable but I am seeing a therapist regularly.

[st0psign]

Im in the same boat right now if its any consolation

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Ocean Swimmer]

Tell your Pdoc and maybe a med change could help.
I don't know about South Africa. Can you see if there is a mission hospital or state hospital ?
Or maybe outpatient. That would be cheaper.
Is there a chance you could move in with a cousin or Aunt? Your parents seem to trigger your bipolar.
Be safe. I'm sending Love.

[1278]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Tell your Pdoc and maybe a med change could help.
I don't know about South Africa. Can you see if there is a mission hospital or state hospital ?
Or maybe outpatient. That would be cheaper.
Is there a chance you could move in with a cousin or Aunt? Your parents seem to trigger your bipolar.
Be safe. I'm sending Love.

I'm hoping for a med change, the problem with state hospital is that my pdoc and therapist are in private practice so they won't be able to see me in that time but since things are extreme I might have to consider it. I have no support structure outside my parents unfortunately. Thank you for the kind words and support

[violetgreen]

It's really not right that you have to be like your own case manager, figuring out your care, and how to deal with your parents who sound like they are overwhelmed, too. I'm sorry that you are so isolated from more effective supports, I'm sending my love.

[sugahorse1]

Hi 1278! Let me know if you want to private message me. I'm from South Africa and can offer guidance and advice

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. You sound like you need to go inpatient. Typically, hospitals need require your insurance copay and bill you the rest later after it goes through your insurance.

My experience has been that hospitals readily will do a payment plan on the balance. Even just $10 a month...just do regular payments and they are fine.

I think you should go inpatient. Have your family pay the copayment. Tell them you are suicidal and not safe. The hospital keeps you safe and gets you better. That is absolutely the priority right now. Please take this seriously.

Hospitalization isn't going to a resort...but it can really help. Getting away from daily life to focus on you is a relief, too.

Originally Posted by 1278

I'm hoping for a med change, the problem with state hospital is that my pdoc and therapist are in private practice so they won't be able to see me in that time but since things are extreme I might have to consider it. I have no support structure outside my parents unfortunately. Thank you for the kind words and support

This is common for your treatment team to not see you in the hospital. Don't stress about that. You will have appointments set up with them shortly after your release. The hospital will get that scheduled for you.

You will see a pdoc daily and should get some therapy at the hospital.

My pdoc likes that a different pdoc sees me if I am hospitalized. He says they may think of something that helps you get better that he hadn't thought of.

I review any med adjustments with my pdoc after I get released. We work together on what meds I should take and he will make changes, sometimes, if I don't like the med changes the hospital made.