[Kia1025]

My boyfriend is a very patient and calm person most of them time, although he has quite the attitude. He knows I am bipolar and am not on medication. I feel like he purposely picks at me to get me angry. Then after he has me all worked up and yelling he tells me that I am being irrational and I am always mad for no reason. I really do not know what to do about it. I want to not be angry all the time but I really do not want to go through the trouble of finding a medication that works for me. I also do not like medication because medications are very unnatural.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Kia1025: I don't know as there's a lot I can offer here. But I saw no one had replied to your post so I thought I would.

It seems to me there are 2 issues here. One is with regard to what your bf is doing. The other is regarding whether or not you should be on medication. From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though what your bf is doing could be considered to be somewhat abusive. If he knows you have bipolar disorder & he's intentionally cranking you up & then accusing you of being irrational, that qualifies as emotional abuse in my book. So, from that perspective, I would like to suggest that perhaps you need to take a look at the relationship you have with your bf. If you see a therapist, this may be something to explore with that person. You may need to learn to establish & enforce some personal boundaries.

The second question here is with regard to medication. Certainly if you don't need medication, you don't want to be on it. But, natural versus unnatural aside, the question here is... other than the trouble you're having with your bf, are you functioning successfully in your day-to-day life? If the answer is: "Yes, I'm getting along fine..." then it's really your relationship with your bf that needs to be reassessed. On the other hand, if the honest answer is: "Well, no, not really. I'm having problems functioning day-to-day in other ways too..." then perhaps you need to reconsider your perspective with regard to the unnaturalness of medications. Whether one considers them to be natural or not, if you need them in order to function successfully day-to-day, then perhaps they're something you should consider.

If your BF is really doing what you think he's doing, it's called gas lighting and it can make even sane people appear crazy if it goes on long enough. He careful.

I agree 100% with what skeez wrote. Take care of yourself.

[Daonnachd]

Not adding much beyond seconding the wisdom of the Skeezyks.

I would say that meds help the brain to balance neurotransmitters, so, in a way, medication is not entirely unnatural. They're just a push in the right direction.

[fairydustgirl]

It is amazing what a significant other can do to destabilize us. My ex husband refused to learn about my diagnosis 10 years ago, refused to go to support groups or talk to a therapist in order to deal with my illness. My one time ever going into the hospital 6 years ago, he sat with me in the car on my release day, in the parking lot and berated me over why I had been admitted to the hospital. He always felt like everything I did was a choice and that I was not doing 'enough' to get well. Ultimately, he found a job in another state and basically abandoned me to take care of myself. He in fact during counseling the last ditch effort 2 years ago said out loud that he left me alone on purpose.
I can say I am happily divorced after nearly 30 years and I am happier than I have been in years. I was having 2 episodes a year for 8 years....and I have had no major episodes since I left Dec 2014.

Please do reevalute your relationship and see if that is the problem. You do not deserve emotional abuse on top of your own issues, those are hard enough.

Kia... people who have never walked in our shoes can listen but not understand. (((hugs)))

[notthisagain]

Does he actually try to understand and is he open to being educated about bipolar disorder? Is he the type that will listen if you (calmly, in a neutral time and place) explain how his behaviors affect you? It's a good sign if he is; if not, that really sucks. I have a bf that refuses to be educated whatsoever and thinks that he knows more than the doctors that have gone through rigorous training. I agree with what the others posted. You have enough to deal with without all that crap.

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

If your BF is really doing what you think he's doing, it's called gas lighting and it can make even sane people appear crazy if it goes on long enough. He careful.

I agree 100% with what skeez wrote. Take care of yourself.

---omg someone in my life does the gas lighting if he wants to keep lying about something (driving when he shouldn't-he has medical conditions) etc
I nominate Skeezix for president! We are in need of a sensible candidate!

[Kia1025]

I know that our relationships is not always healthy. I guess the problem I cannot figure out is if a lot of our problems outside of him picking at me are because of my disorder. I think that you are right about medication. I just hate that I have to go through the process of finding a medication that is right for me. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post, it has really made me think.

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Kia1025: I don't know as there's a lot I can offer here. But I saw no one had replied to your post so I thought I would.

It seems to me there are 2 issues here. One is with regard to what your bf is doing. The other is regarding whether or not you should be on medication. From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though what your bf is doing could be considered to be somewhat abusive. If he knows you have bipolar disorder & he's intentionally cranking you up & then accusing you of being irrational, that qualifies as emotional abuse in my book. So, from that perspective, I would like to suggest that perhaps you need to take a look at the relationship you have with your bf. If you see a therapist, this may be something to explore with that person. You may need to learn to establish & enforce some personal boundaries.

The second question here is with regard to medication. Certainly if you don't need medication, you don't want to be on it. But, natural versus unnatural aside, the question here is... other than the trouble you're having with your bf, are you functioning successfully in your day-to-day life? If the answer is: "Yes, I'm getting along fine..." then it's really your relationship with your bf that needs to be reassessed. On the other hand, if the honest answer is: "Well, no, not really. I'm having problems functioning day-to-day in other ways too..." then perhaps you need to reconsider your perspective with regard to the unnaturalness of medications. Whether one considers them to be natural or not, if you need them in order to function successfully day-to-day, then perhaps they're something you should consider.