Do you have evil awful thoughts?

I'm so disguised with myself sometimes. There are some people whom I dislike much and I get so evil thoughts wishing them bad. I feel so quilty, so paranoid I will get the same back. I'm sick of how evil I am. There are days when I spend hours thinking how to harm other person. I never have acted that out, I don't think I would ever dare to. Does anyone have this? How do you cope? What helps?

Hello lacerta: Yes... I think every person who ever lived has had this experience. You're no exception. Thoughts are just thoughts. They have no power over you beyond what you cede them. They can't harm anyone else as long as you don't act on them. And they can't come back to harm you. The only harm done is the harm you do yourself despising yourself for having these kinds of thoughts to begin with.

Simply be with them, allow them to come forward. Smile to them. Perhaps even place your hand over your heart as a sign of lovingkindness & compassion for them. Then, after a few breaths, drop the "story-line" (the thoughts you're struggling with) & simply stay with the underlying emotions... the anger, fear & anxiety... & allow it to fade of its own accord. This is a practice called: "compassionate abiding".

Oh god yeah.

I had evil thoughts about my old boss.

At my job I worked with knives and often pretended watermelons and pineapples were her head.

I had great fantasies of stabbing her in the face.

Thanks for your answer. I'll google the compassionate abiding, want to read more on that.

Yes, I have also. Try not to beat yourself up.

Sure do. After one breakup in particular. I seriously was thinking of ways to do harm to this guy. I still hate this s.o.b. and wish evil upon him. He is the only one that I have and still have these thoughts about. But it doesn't consume nowhere near as much as it used to.

I used to, but they pass in time. Eventually it's not worth putting the energy into it.

I also had evil thoughts about coming into my place of employment with an automatic weapon and just letting it go.

That was when I was on effexor though. Got off of that med FAST.

Sometimes they just pop into my head. They use to scare me but not anymore. I got use to them.

I used to be very aggressive in general, and I almost always had homicidal ideation. For instance, if someone on the road cut me off, I would think, "if I had a gun, I would shoot this stupid f***ing asshole right in the f***ing head. I wish I had a f***ing gun right now. He would regret everything he did."

The aggression was greatly reduced once I titrated my Lamictal dosage up. So, maybe see what you can do about your medication? I was pleasantly surprised with how simple it was to reduce my aggression. Sometimes medication is all it takes, although you might want to try working on it in therapy too.

I use to but my AP has helped a lot.

Oh, yes it's a good feeling in retrospect. It is one's testing ground for morality.