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#1
Aug 03, 2016, 12:08 AM
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After hoarding months' worth of prescriptions, I had a handful of ativan in my hand last night and today wish i would have followed through.
I'm away from home, though still abandoning responsibility (work). I feel incapable of being anything but self-absorbed. I can barely function at work, I can barely function at home, I can't sleep, I can barely eat (and when I do it makes me sick), my anxiety is off the charts. I am losing control. My husband thinks things are improving, but I'm afraid that I'm just going to get the motivation to finally follow through. I miss my dogs, I miss my bed. I want to feel like a human with normal human emotion. If there is a god, I'm sure I'm the butt of its cruel joke-- let's put this highly sensitive, bipolar, eating disordered, freak of a being in a place with as little support as possible. My therapist is against me telling anyone about my diagnosis because of the stigma. I feel so alone. But I have a roof over my head right? I have food to eat. I have a job and a husband and and and.... I should feel grateful, but all I feel is **** on. I appreciate you all & this forum for letting me vent and feel a bit less alone. Thank you for that. Last edited by beigeish; Aug 03, 2016 at 12:59 AM. Reason: grammar |
 Anonymous41403, Anonymous45023, Coffeee, Craving_hypomania., Ferregut03, jacky8807, JustJace2u, Unrigged64072835, Wander, wildflowerchild25
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 Ferregut03
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#2
Aug 03, 2016, 06:22 AM
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So sorry you are feeling this way. Are you safe? Maybe you should throw out the pills to protect yourself. Thanks for sharing with us. Keep posting if it helps. Can you call your pdoc to see if they can help? Hang in there. This will pass.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD  "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
| beigeish
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#3
Aug 03, 2016, 06:35 AM
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What Wander said. I hope you have some help so you can feel better.
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| beigeish
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#4
Aug 03, 2016, 06:52 AM
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Oh I have been there, I did follow through and it bought me a ride in an ambulance to the ER and wound me up inpatient for a couple of weeks. It most likely cost me what was left of my marriage, riding it out in retrospect would have been wise for me. I hope that you can find peace, I am in agreement with Wander. Maybe you should throw out the pills. Be safe and big hugs (((hug)))
__________________
BP1 OCD General Anxiety Disorder Meds: Clonazapam 1mg 2x daily Lamictal 50mg zyprexa 5mg Prazosin 3mg for night terrors Best of all I am off of the opiate replacements finally, no more methadone Almost Famous: William: "Penny I need to get this interview and go home" Penny Lane : "Poof! you are home." |
| beigeish
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#5
Aug 03, 2016, 06:52 AM
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Hugs to you!!! I know it doesn't feel it right now but this will pass. I've been there and I'm so sorry your feeling this way!
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| beigeish
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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