[Victoria'smom]

He’s kicking and screaming about doing his work. He’s 3 weeks behind in some subjects and he’s only taking 4 classes.I don’t know if the classes are to hard. He’s not even giving them a chance. He has a I don’t care, I’m going to die anyway attitude. Yes he used these exact words. I’m tempted to rip him from his classes and say F it do what you want but it’s too late to pull him. He spends hours on one assignment getting distracted, reading fan fics. We’re taking him out of the End of year test’s. So he won't be getting AP credit. I wish there was a way to see why he’s having so much problem just with the classes. He’s being defiant in general but I refuse to argue with him all day on doing his work. I’m getting frustrated, I’m already depressed and want to just give up. Everywhere we turn others say give in it’s his ASD. let him just do as he pleases. He needs an education! I know we need help again, He can’t have no hope for the future. He needs a pdoc and a T. The idea of him on meds again an AD scares me but IDK what to do

[scatterbrained04]

This sounds concerning to me. I would take him to a pdoc. Or a T at least. ((((hugs))))

[BipolaRNurse]

Agree with the above. It can't hurt.

[Bolivar83]

Sorry that this is happening... sounds like a doctor, perhaps meds might be a good option right now, as others have posted. I hear the frustration... letting him do as he pleases is not really much of an answer for you. Medication might be provide the pause needed to re-set things.

Is there anyone else to help you with this, any sources of support for you, perhaps to give you some breathing room, a bit of a break?

Sometimes it's the best of crummy choices - meds have stabilized my life, but there were some unbearable side effects that felt like they increased suffering. I realize the effects can be different for children/teens....

Take care

Can you take him to a new pdoc, totally new eval...a new perspective can't hurt or at least will help you come to terms with things. Parenting is tough. Having our own MI makes it so much harder. You aren't alone. Thinking of you. xo

PS: Is he a candidate for therapy, in addition to pdoc?

[bizi]

It sounds like you are a great mom.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Victoria'smom]

I'm setting up appointments on Tuesday but it'll be a month and a half before he's seen. after intake. Hopefully the new T can reach him fast. We're going to bring him to our new clinic but we haven't started there yet.

What does the school say?

My son had difficulties with school, had an IEP, and later got into the independent school. It was associated with the regular HS, but a lot fewer kids, different teaching methods, and individually paced work. As I recall, everything was on computers, so no lost papers --a big ADHD help!

Is something like that a possibility too?

[Victoria'smom]

He's not in public school. His work is all online but officially he's home schooled but does everything through virtual school. All his teachers say he needs to turn in work more regularly but he can take 5+ hours on a 15 min assignment. It's individually paced but there's a minimum pace he needs to keep that he's not. So we're pretty much on our own. There's not much else we can do on the school front besides doing the work for him and that's not going to happen.

How about looking into the public school options? The homeschool thing isn't working, so the choices are either to explore different options or throw your hands in the air and give up. I know you don't want to give up on him with this.

Some things immediately spring to mind. One, often kids interact differently with their parents than they do with others. And not just kids, lol. Think how many times people on the forums here have told of trying to explain their BP to spouse/family etc. till they're blue in the face, but then the same information is given from a professional like a Pdoc or T and lo and behold, the exact same information is taken seriously(!) Same person, same information, different reaction. The only difference was source.

When you refer to his teachers, they are online as well, yes? (I knew someone who homeschooled with what sounds like a similar format.) Looking back, I think we'd have been pulling our hair out as much as we were before the independent school had his set up been that way. It wasn't just that the work was on the computers, but he went to an actual building, with people who weren't us overseeing work his work, clarifying, etc. That makes a lot of difference because they're right there. Concrete in a way an online teacher could never be.

To the more self-motivated, that might not make much of a difference. But for those who aren't it can make a lot of difference.

Negative, pessimistic, F it, defiant, stubborn, what should be minutes' worth of homework taking hours... Been there. (Before me being dx'd and medicated, no less!) It was horrific.

It took him a bit longer. BUT HE MADE IT. It was damn near a miracle. 5 years ago and I'm still all choked up writing about it.

Agreed with the others about Pdoc and T, but I can't help but speak to the other part. Hope you find it helpful and/or encouraging.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm not sure if I'm making sense sorry. My focus is out the window.

Yes his teachers are online.Taking him out of homeschooling just sounds daunting. His groups, his friends, volunteering, everything would have to change. His classes aren't offered in Public school at his "level". There'd be just as much fighting over homework. His transcript is a mess as he's not doing typical classes he's doing Advance placement. Not taking the tests hurt him in this regard. It'll interfere with his current scholarship he's going after to be put into public school. In public school he'll have an IEP and be able to just float along. Not getting a (college ready) high school diploma. We're looking into community college or vocational school when he turns 16 but until then we need to stick it out as this is the best education wise. Even if we withdraw him from his classes public school isn't an option for him or he doesn't get the scholarship. He's only taking 4 classes instead of the typical 6 so he's on a 6 year plan to graduate currently.

[A Red Panda]

Pdocs and Ts have training for mental health.

Teachers have training to teach.

Being in some school setting would be beneficial in the long run. You're his mom, not a professional teacher. Children always act more defiant with their parents. And what kid wants to do work? Especially as it is all online - such easy access to thousands of distractions.

Being in a school with a professional would allow him a break from being with his family and house all day long, it would allow him to interact with peers and develop social skills, there would be qualified people around to actually assist and teach him. There is set routine in schools and while it might be what you aim for at home, if your own mental health gets in the way that will affect the routine of daily life.

There are just so many more benefits to allowing him to attend a real school.

If nothing else, use your spare money on a tutor instead of other things.

[Victoria'smom]

He is around his peers and out of the house daily. NVM.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm setting up appointments on Tuesday but it'll be a month and a half before he's seen. after intake. Hopefully the new T can reach him fast. We're going to bring him to our new clinic but we haven't started there yet.

Keep us posted. Being a parent is tough.

[MistressStayc]

Being a parent of a child on the spectrum is harder (((MM))). Ask how I know . You are a great Mom and doing what is best for him. Just follow those instincts.

[MistressStayc]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Pdocs and Ts have training for mental health.

Teachers have training to teach.

Being in some school setting would be beneficial in the long run. You're his mom, not a professional teacher. Children always act more defiant with their parents. And what kid wants to do work? Especially as it is all online - such easy access to thousands of distractions.

Being in a school with a professional would allow him a break from being with his family and house all day long, it would allow him to interact with peers and develop social skills, there would be qualified people around to actually assist and teach him. There is set routine in schools and while it might be what you aim for at home, if your own mental health gets in the way that will affect the routine of daily life.

There are just so many more benefits to allowing him to attend a real school.

If nothing else, use your spare money on a tutor instead of other things.

MM is right. In public school he will have an IEP and just be able to float along, even on a standard diploma and not be accountable for anything. Then they will change his diploma option at the last minute and offer a special diploma to get him up and out. I am an ESE teacher and this is how it usually works unfortunately. We try to motivate and make them accountable for learning but it just doesn't happen that way. If they are motivated coming in we can do something with them, if they arent it is hard to light a fire underneath them because they have been held to such low expectations their whole school career. (I teach middle school) If she has a scholarship lined up and post secondary goals based on virtual school then he should continue. It sounds like a much better outcome than being allowed to sit in public school till 23 if necessary.

My SO's son is on the autism spectrum and has an IEP. He definitely was just floating along, learning nothing - until they opened a class for kids just like him. Night and day. Hugs to MM.