i dont feel good i feel like it is calling me again only i am not supposed to go yet. pulling me tugging me it is very hard to fight and it never lets go i have been trying so hard but i dont know how much longer i an last my birthday is only 21 days away i hope to make it to then but i am not sure it is very powerful i feel unsteady the bad spirits have been around a lot and there is so much going on in my head i am so tired and nothing is making any of this stop. i dont feel in control and i am scared i dont trust anyone anymore not even some of the people i used to trust i feel like everyone wants to hurt me all the time even my family sometimes. i dont know what to do. this is not a good day.

[Wander]

So sorry you are feeling this bad. Keep posting here if it helps. PM me if you want to chat. Distraction can help pass the time. Hang in there. This will pass. Breathe, get through it moment by moment.

Is there anything you know you can do that grounds you to reality and the present moment? Walk in nature, music?? Can you call someone from your treatment team to get some emergency advice? Please don't harm yourself. You are precious and beautiful. We need you here. Please go to hospital if you get to the point you can't stay safe. I know you hate it but your future self will be so grateful you survived. Gotta run back to work. Thinking of you.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry you're not having a good day Eden

Originally Posted by Wander

So sorry you are feeling this bad. Keep posting here if it helps. PM me if you want to chat. Distraction can help pass the time. Hang in there. This will pass. Breathe, get through it moment by moment.

Is there anything you know you can do that grounds you to reality and the present moment? Walk in nature, music?? Can you call someone from your treatment team to get some emergency advice? Please don't harm yourself. You are precious and beautiful. We need you here. Please go to hospital if you get to the point you can't stay safe. I know you hate it but your future self will be so grateful you survived. Gotta run back to work. Thinking of you.

my case worker is away for the next 10 days i am trying very hard to stay calm and music helps a bit but idk i am trying to keep busy but it is very hard everything is hard at the moment. i feel like i am about to cry.

[bizi]

It is ok to cry, you have been thru alot. you team should have someone on call.
bizi
sorry it is so hard right now.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

What happens after your birthday? Maybe using that as a goal to hang onto is too much time and you might want to consider trying to manage a smaller amount of time. A day or even an hour can be a lot easier to handle. 3 weeks is a long time to focus on.

[zijax]

This is a weird suggestion but maybe a Netflix binge might be the ticket today then call dr. asap tomorrow morning. If you don't have Netflix, try a movie or a book or something to get your mind off your mind. Breathing and meditation do not work for me, yes they sound good, they don't work for me. Tv works. Also shopping works for me. And I spent four months in India at an ashram with a guru, go figure. Haha.

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

What happens after your birthday? Maybe using that as a goal to hang onto is too much time and you might want to consider trying to manage a smaller amount of time. A day or even an hour can be a lot easier to handle. 3 weeks is a long time to focus on.

I am trying to just get through each day I it is very hard though I just don't want to end up back at the stinking hospital I at least want to make a month. It would be embarrassing to go back.

Originally Posted by zijax

This is a weird suggestion but maybe a Netflix binge might be the ticket today then call dr. asap tomorrow morning. If you don't have Netflix, try a movie or a book or something to get your mind off your mind. Breathing and meditation do not work for me, yes they sound good, they don't work for me. Tv works. Also shopping works for me. And I spent four months in India at an ashram with a guru, go figure. Haha.

Yeah I have been watching a lot of Netflix I have no money to go shopping though.

[bioChE]

When I went back to the hospital after being out a short period of time, it felt like a homecoming party. All the staff were glad to see me there rather than on a stretcher in the ER or worse.

Originally Posted by bioChE

When I went back to the hospital after being out a short period of time, it felt like a homecoming party. All the staff were glad to see me there rather than on a stretcher in the ER or worse.

the doctor literally said as they discharged me " i hope we never see you again here but if we do we will care for you" everyone seems to think that was the last time like i will be fine now and i have been back there several times this year i really dont want to go for another time it would be very embarrassing i think if it gets that bad i would rather just end it than go back there.

[bizi]

needing medical care, inpatient is not embarrassing....That is what hospitals are there for when you are sick. When you start new meds it is best for you to be in a controlled environment so you are safe.
Take your medication as prescribed. please don't hurt yourself.
bizi

Originally Posted by bizi

needing medical care, inpatient is not embarrassing....That is what hospitals are there for when you are sick. When you start new meds it is best for you to be in a controlled environment so you are safe.
Take your medication as prescribed. please don't hurt yourself.
bizi

i am trying not to do anything i really am i just feel very out of control.

[bizi]

you may not want to hear this but your medications may not be at the high enough level that you need to feel better.
take your meds see your pdoc and try to walk every day and eat well.
What are you doing?
bizi

Originally Posted by bizi

you may not want to hear this but your medications may not be at the high enough level that you need to feel better.
take your meds see your pdoc and try to walk every day and eat well.
What are you doing?
bizi

i am trying to keep busy it is just hard everything in my head is going fast but at the same time i feel terrible and i cant eat and i want to scream and i am so done with everything and i cant explain it i am feeling like i need to go again outside like before only it feels different this time and i dont know which side is calling me there this time which is kind of scary but i need to go. i am still taking the meds they just well i realised it doesnt matter because this is all real the only thing they are doing is making me a little sleepy some days but that is it they are irrelevant it is a nuisance to have to keep taking them but also i dont like chemicals in my body i will probably stop soon depending on how something in particular develops but it doesnt matter they will not fix anything. i dont need to be fixed i am fine.

[bizi]

are you getting out and taking walks?
bizi

Originally Posted by bizi

are you getting out and taking walks?
bizi

Yes I am doing all that stuff I have been gardening too.