[Cdnstargazer]

So... I haven't been able to pay out of pocket for a counselor, psychiatrist etc. So being that I live in Canada, I have been on waiting lists for mental health specialists.

I have had 3 counselor switches in less than a year, and now I finally have a good one. I'm lucky for that.

But I've also had 3-4 psychiatrist switches in that same time period.

Before I was diagnosed Bipolar, I was given various antidepressants. Some made me more impulsive, Wellbutrin made me a raging Hulk, zoloft ok but still impulsive, and then finally Luvox sent me flying for the far reaches of space (rapid speech and word salad, ANGER, seeing and hearing things, not sleeping, euphoria and possible delusions). Fun times.

My first psychiatrist, dr M, put me on zoloft, then put me on Luvox.. and transferred my case to psychiatrist H. Psychiatrist H tried to set up Apts while I was in hospital and I of course ended up missing them. I think he was pissed and his secretary said his caseload was full. So I went to my GP who referred me to psychiatrist U. Psychiatrist U looked over my case and his secretary told me I was better suited for a free healthcare psychiatrist (where psychiatrist M works.) So now I'm supposed to wait 2 months or more for another psychiatrist or psychiatrist M to take me back.)

I'm so ****ing choked. I'm taking Abilify, and Seroquel and now I only have my GP to work with me on my meds (yet he still feels more comfortable if I could actually see a psychiatrist.)

I am advocating so hard, along with my GP and counselor yet every psychiatrist seems happy to dump me onto someone else. Yet no one is picking up my case. I don't know if that's because of my BPD diagnosis or if it's just our ****** mental health system.

I feel kind of broken and I'm trying to just brush myself off and make the best of it.

[Espurr1989]

I was just telling my husband yesterday that I am defective. So I can relate to feeling broken. I think many of us feel that way. We can still choose to enjoy parts of life that we can. We might be broken, but we are still alive.

I am impressed by all that you are doing to get the healthcare that you need. It sounds like you are doing all that you can and your very best to move forward. Maybe it is not working as fast as you want it to, but don't give up, okay? And just keep sticking with the treatment that you are able to get. Some people are out on the street with no doctors or meds. I don't say that to make you feel guilty. I just mean that we are lucky for what we do get, even if it is less than ideal. Sometimes we are on our own with bipolar, but we do still have each other here at the forums.

[Cdnstargazer]

Thank you for your kind words. I feel like I'm at war with myself right now trying to stay stable, newly diagnosed and trying to read everything I can on the subject. And now I'm trying to get the drs to just stick with me because I'm ready to get down to business and be the best me I can be.