[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

So my husband and I went to couples therapy earlier this week. It was a good session, and we have 2 more scheduled; we'll see where it goes after that. We did get to talk about the dynamic between us, but it was still framed in the context of my BP. I know that's the primary issue he has in our relationship, and I did get to express how frustrating it is when ANY mood I'm in is attributed to the BP.

What I didn't realize, and I'm still reflecting on to see if I think it's an accurate assessment, is that my husband (whether accurate or not) believes I have been in a depression for somewhere around 4-8 months right now. He's exhausted and drained by it. The specific phrase he used, over and over, is that he has "grown weary".

My T, whom I haven't seen for a couple of years now, was very surprised that he thought I had been depressed for that long. She told me we need to work on that and figure out what's going on and how to work with it to get me to a better place.

I don't really know what to do with this. I worked a lot with my T on mindfulness, being in the present, and accepting where I am at any given time without worrying about where I think I should be instead. I have had steep drops in mood over the last many months, but they don't last too long (a couple of days, maybe, at a time). I guess I have either gotten really used to being chronically depressed, or I just haven't realized how long it's been going on. It's sort of settled in my bones, and as long as I don't think about it too much, it doesn't really bother me like it does him, apparently. It seems, since it's a clear problem for him, I need to reevaluate my acceptance of where I am and maybe work harder to not settle for mild depression.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry your depressed maybe T can help you with that. I think we often settle for mildly depressed over mood swings and med changes.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

That's what I've sort of fallen into, Miguel'smom. It's so nice only having a few days of the darkest moods at a time that I'm quite content to deal with the mild depression. I didn't even recognize that's what it was, or at least for so long. I'm still not totally convinced.

My T thinks I should try some neuro-feedback with another T in town. I don't have any experience with that and am not sure what it's all about. I need to do some research, and then I think I should go back through the last year or so worth of my threads and see if I can see the depression as clearly as my husband feels it.

Going through your threads is a brilliant idea. I think I will do the same if I ever get organized enough to take notes and figure out patterns.