[jacky8807]

But I am.

My son just started travel bball. Im starting a new job.
And all I can think of is who would take care of the kids business if I did it?
And if I went to a hospital where I probably belong right now, who would take care of my business ?
Still the urge calls.....

[Faltering]

I can relate to feeling like there's no time to be sick, but it is so important you get help as soon as you need it. You will likely struggle to succeed in your new job and to care for your kids until you care for yourself.

[jacky8807]

Idk if wellbutrin can do this. It's my newest med. I'm agitated . Want to be on the go but suicidal
I read time after time this was the safest antidepressant for bipolar

Welbutrin can cause agitation....it has for me in the past but does get better after a few weeks. How long have you been taking it?

[jacky8807]

About a month. I just don't get the sudden suicidal part

My husband had to stop Wellbutrin a few years ago because he became a raving nightmare for himself and others. (((Hugs)))

What dose are you on? Have you talked to your doctor and gotten their opinion?

[jacky8807]

I'm on 200 Sr daily
I didn't tell my doc because he's a lover of putting u in the hospital if u feel suicidal urges.
I mean what's the point of anything

Nothing has a point

Period.

[jacky8807]

We can keep pretending it does

But nope

There is no point that's the point

[jacky8807]

It just keeps swirling into one black pointless hole

I'm tired of it

Originally Posted by jacky8807

We can keep pretending it does

But nope

There is no point that's the point

When I feel like this things are really bad. I'm so sorry you feel this way. You are religious right? Perhaps God hasn't revealed his plan to you yet? Maybe your child is the point and your purpose? Maybe being on PC and supporting others is one of the points. I know none of this probably helps right now in your current state....just know we care about you and want to see you have brighter days. Life does suck sometimes....nobody can deny that with a straight faceZ. (((Hugs)))

[jacky8807]

Thank you

I just don't even know if my sons need me that bad
It's selfish. But I just want to be done with the world
Thank u for your kind words
I'm trying to fight through this

((((One million hugs for jacky)))

So sorry you're struggling so much right now. how are you now?

I can't take wellbutrin, makes me horribly agitated and angry manic. It could be adding to it.

[jacky8807]

Well I slept for an hour . Woke up now at 1 am and feel just idk up and down. Maybe I just need to give it time to adjust in my system.

When do you talk with your doctor next?

[jacky8807]

About a month. I just saw him.
I'm so wide awake but not in a good WaY like I want to paint my house pink
More like I need handfuls of benzo's to chill out way lol

Originally Posted by jacky8807

About a month. I just saw him.
I'm so wide awake but not in a good WaY like I want to paint my house pink
More like I need handfuls of benzo's to chill out way lol

Maybe calling your doc and letting them know you're concerned about the Wellbutrin might be a good idea?

[Wander]

Anti-depressants can take up to 6 weeks to work...and they can also make a BP person agitated and suicidal. Definitely call your doctor. You should not have to feel this way all the time.

I second calling in your doctor and seeing him earlier. It could be the wellbutrin causing this and you need a med change asap. Many hugs and hope you feel better soon

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm sorry to hear that your struggling.

[Wild Coyote]

I am also sorry you are struggling.

I find it very draining to feel suicidal., on top of all else. I hope you can find relief soon.

Yes, your children do need you!
It's tough to lose a parent. One of the toughest causes of such a loss is when a parent takes her/his own life. Not only do children suffer the loss of a parent, they also then spend years trying to "understand" and trying to forgive themselves for not being able to help the parent, often blaming themselves -- and more. (I am a survivor of my father's suicide. I was 12 y.o. It was so deeply devastating! So confusing! Traumatic. I was devastated and had blamed myself for many, many years.)

Yes, when it all seems pointless now and I am lower than low, I may have to pretend there's a point (or more than one point.)

It has helped me tremendously to work on living in the Present Moment. I am responsible in each moment for taking a look at what I create (in my mind and in my life) within each moment. When I am struggling most severely, I can only take life moment-by-moment anyway. It's now an approach I take 24/7, even on my best days. It helps me to get through each day.

I hope you have some pleasurable relationships/activities in life. Cultivating joy, pleasure, fun can help so much with balancing life's challenges. I find it so helpful, even when I feel it's pointless. I "just do it" whenever I can push myself. (Admittedly, there are times I cannot push more.)

I have found Wellbutrin to be helpful; yet, I really have to be careful of the dose. I take the lowest dose made in the SR formula -- and I keep watch of the effects at all times. I know many people find it too agitating.

My heart goes out to you!

I hope you find a helpful approach(es).



WC

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am also sorry you are struggling.

I find it very draining to feel suicidal., on top of all else. I hope you can find relief soon.

Yes, your children do need you!
It's tough to lose a parent. One of the toughest causes of such a loss is when a parent takes her/his own life. Not only do children suffer the loss of a parent, they also then spend years trying to "understand" and trying to forgive themselves for not being able to help the parent, often blaming themselves -- and more. (I am a survivor of my father's suicide. I was 12 y.o. It was so deeply devastating! So confusing! Traumatic. I was devastated and had blamed myself for many, many years.)

Yes, when it all seems pointless now and I am lower than low, I may have to pretend there's a point (or more than one point.)

It has helped me tremendously to work on living in the Present Moment. I am responsible in each moment for taking a look at what I create (in my mind and in my life) within each moment. When I am struggling most severely, I can only take life moment-by-moment anyway. It's now an approach I take 24/7, even on my best days. It helps me to get through each day.

I hope you have some pleasurable relationships/activities in life. Cultivating joy, pleasure, fun can help so much with balancing life's challenges. I find it so helpful, even when I feel it's pointless. I "just do it" whenever I can push myself. (Admittedly, there are times I cannot push more.)

I have found Wellbutrin to be helpful; yet, I really have to be careful of the dose. I take the lowest dose made in the SR formula -- and I keep watch of the effects at all times. I know many people find it too agitating.

My heart goes out to you!

I hope you find a helpful approach(es).



WC

I am so sorry for your tragic loss WC. Suicide of a parent is especially difficult for females and people under the age of 18. The risk of the child following in their parents footsteps goes sky high. (((Hugs)))

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I am so sorry for your tragic loss WC. Suicide of a parent is especially difficult for females and people under the age of 18. The risk of the child following in their parents footsteps goes sky high. (((Hugs)))

Thank you, Elsa.

I feel at least some of your pain, jacky -- as I have felt hopeless/suicidal most of my life.

I also hope to gently share some of how a parent's suicide may "play out" in the lives of children.

I was initially heartbroken, totally devastated. Crushed.
I was very involved with my dad and knew his despair on the day he passed-- I had tried to help him that whole day. Even though I had done all I could do, it obviously was not enough (such was my thinking at 12 y.o.). Many years later, I felt very angry with him for leaving that way. It took many years before I could fully understand he was very ill with depression and alcoholism and was overwhelmed, hopeless.

He had 6 children. Each of us have life-long struggles with feeling suicidal.
His actions/choice also taught his young children that suicide is a "coping option." We each/all had so much to sort out as we had matured emotionally, and in time, some of us have greater insights into his world at the time of his passing.

I still love my father. It took a large part of my life to get to where I could reach any peace with this. I am now at a place of compassion, forgiveness and unconditional love. (Yet, what a devastating, heart-wrenching, mind-bending and lengthy journey before reaching peace.)

I sincerely hope parents can find a way to live as well as possible.
I know it's sometimes a "tall order" when we are in pain (mentally, physically, spiritually).

It's not my intention to shame anyone feeling suicidal. I struggle with suicide like it's a permanent and a nagging/relentless option, branded permanently in my mind. I do understand feeling compelled to utilize the option to "check out." I also live it 24/7.

I can only hope my sharing might help a parent, a family, anyone, to find a more healthy option(s).

Love and Compassion For All,


WC

[jacky8807]

Thank you all.

In my heart I know my kids need me. At times like this something else takes over my brain to trys to convince me otherwise.