Does anyone else have psychiatrist and/or therapist anxiety? In particular, anxiety about BP treatment?

Oftentimes I'm too anxious to be truthful with mental health professionals. No matter how much I tell myself "I know they're not going to judge me," I can't help but feel I'll be judged -- because that's exactly what people do: they judge. If there was no such thing as "judgment", then social anxiety wouldn't exist in the first place. That's a big reason I don't feel comfortable being honest, even though I know that mental health people are trained to be impartial.

Sometimes I'm also anxious about unintentionally offending my psychiatrist. Is that weird? Like, I know that my psychiatrist really puts his heart into what he does, and he will spend a lot of time trying to research something for me that he think will work well. So if he prescribes me a med and it works "okay" (not great, but just "okay"), I might say, "Oh, it works nicely..." because I don't want to offend him and throw away his hard work. I know that's not the right thing to do, but I'm super anxious about being offensive.

I also don't like talking about my anxiety.... because talking about anxiety gives me more anxiety! For example, I always get intrusive, fearful thoughts about things that went wrong in the past (that now haunt/anger/upset me), things that are currently going wrong, and things that will/might go wrong... but I never want to talk about that, even though it all ties into my BP related issues.

[JustJace2u]

I struggle at times with being fully honest and open with what's going on with me when it comes to talking to a pdoc or t. Like you, I'm constantly afraid of being judged, since it's what I grew up knowing, thanks to being bullied by other kids in school because of my disability.

[LucyG]

The 13 years I was on meds, I always perked up or whatever the day I saw my Pdoc so I could say I was doing okay. I think part of the reason was that I didn't want to look weak, and I didn't want to be put on more and more meds.

I also only discussed limited things about my life with her as I didn't want her to try to convince me I'd been molested as a child that was the trend back in the early 90s.

Another issue I always had is that the relationship between the therapist and client is extremely lopsided as they know all your deep dark secrets, and you know very little about them. It's like sitting there naked in the doctor's office...

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I also don't like talking about my anxiety.... because talking about anxiety gives me more anxiety! For example, I always get intrusive, fearful thoughts about things that went wrong in the past (that now haunt/anger/upset me), things that are currently going wrong, and things that will/might go wrong... but I never want to talk about that, even though it all ties into my BP related issues.

Leaving these details out of your interaction with your pdoc or T could obstruct or hamper effective treatment. What if the anxiety you describe is a side effect of a medication that can be alleviated, rather than an incurable symptom of your disease? You need to give your health providers the full picture so that they can do their job. Anxiety is hell. Discussing your bipolar symptoms with your doctor without mentioning severe anxiety is like visiting a GP complaining of a headache while neglecting to mention severe chest pains. Not a terribly compelling analogy, but I'll leave it there.

[annielovesbacon]

I know being truthful is the only way to give my T and pdoc the full picture so they can help me best as possible, but I also feel so much anxiety about telling the full truth to them -- especially to my pdoc. I feel more comfortable telling my T the truth because I know and like her better, but I don't particularly like my pdoc and he makes me feel weird.

[PenguinExMachina]

I've often struggled with being fully open and honest with my pdoc, which is probably what has led to my struggles with diagnosis and meds. He's had to often remind me that he will never judge me nor think I am crazy.
I have an easier time talking to my T, but she, too, has had to remind me of the same thing.
They've been nothing but supportive, so I've never understood this feeling. I think it's normal. As you said, people judge.

[bizi]

I am not honest with my pdoc because I drink too much and she does judge me for this. So I pretend that I have it under control...she doesn't need to know the truth. I don't want to hear about AA again.
bizi

[GGChar]

Oh my gosh, you have put into words what I have been feeling. I love my Pdoc but haven't been honest with him as much as I should have. All of the weird things I do kind of embarrass me in some way. I feel bad that after seeing him for so long I'm still a work in progress. I want everything to be fine and be a people pleaser. It's hard for me to ask for help because I think no one else has crazy thoughts like I do.

This last visit this week I got weighed. He was pleased I hadn't put on any weight. I don't weigh myself because my weight is a major issue with me. I thought I had lost some weight bc I've been eating well and exercising like crazy. I had gained 2 lbs!!!! I couldn't even talk or focus after that. You would think I would have told him how I was feeling but I couldn't speak. I literally felt myself shut down and then tried to make myself say something but I never did.

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Leaving these details out of your interaction with your pdoc or T could obstruct or hamper effective treatment. What if the anxiety you describe is a side effect of a medication that can be alleviated, rather than an incurable symptom of your disease? You need to give your health providers the full picture so that they can do their job. Anxiety is hell. Discussing your bipolar symptoms with your doctor without mentioning severe anxiety is like visiting a GP complaining of a headache while neglecting to mention severe chest pains. Not a terribly compelling analogy, but I'll leave it there.

I had intrusive thoughts before starting meds and they actually used to be significantly worse. So as far as I can tell, they haven't been created/exacerbated by any medication -- but I suppose it's still a problem that I haven't told my pdoc. These thoughts *do* need to go away.

I just don't feel comfortable saying anything to my pdoc, as some of these thoughts are homicidal in nature. Other intrusive thoughts include being paranoid that I'm innocent and going to get arrested for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or that I'm going to crash my car and accidentally kill people. I just know my pdoc is going to ask, "What do you think about?" I don't want to lie, but I know I would lie because I'm afraid my pdoc is going to think I'm dangerous. For example, "Why do you fear you're going to be arrested? Did you do something 'worthy' of being arrested?" or "Why do you fear you're going to kill people with your car? Is it because you almost killed someone?"

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Blue,

I do understand your reticence to share freely with your pdoc.

I had also been very reticent to fully open up in sessions. My pdoc is also my therapist and he was always very diligent in trying to help. It took a long time, as in years, for me to open up more, which did prove to be more helpful to both of us.

I hope you can gain a deeper sense of trust and will share more when you are ready to do so.


WC

This part of what LucyG said, "I always perked up or whatever the day I saw my Pdoc so I could say I was doing okay. I think part of the reason was that I didn't want to look weak, and I didn't want to be put on more and more meds. " Oh plus, too many meds make you fat, I sometimes am willing to have a nervous breakdown rather than continue to get fat.

[still_crazy]

I don't tell my psychiatrist everything. Its weird. I go to a community mental health clinic (I took legal action against a private practice shrink, so all the private shrink black balled me around here).

I think most people (we're called "clients," apparently...) get booked for 15 minute med checks every 12 weeks or so, once they're stable. Me? I'm booked for 30 minute talking sessions every 8-12 weeks...and my meds have been the same for nearly 2 years.

Every time I go in, he's got a convo planned. Sometimes its pleasant, sometimes I feel uneasy. When its about my family...I get uneasy...I sense that we have different morals, different outlooks on life (he's got the whole Mental Health-view of life, I"m a Born Again Christian, but not a conservative one...).

I dunno. I get where you're coming from. I talk to my counselor more. He's got a masters of divnity, so we're more on the same wavelength in terms of morals, beliefs, outlook, etc.

But...yeah...shrinks. There's a tricksy bunch. I don't blame you for keeping some things to yourself. The way I see it...he's a doctor, not my friend or a priest or...you get the picture. I'm not manipulative, but I don't much care for some shrinky-maneuvers I've seen from this dude and from shrinks of yesteryear.

[bizi]

also, I started taking lithium orotate over the counter supplement and
AA=amino acids to sleep better. I think she would probably discharge me if she knew that I was taking them with out her approval. So I won't tell her.
I hope to have better mood control/drinking control the lithium is supposed to help with that. and better sleep the AA are supposed to help with that.
Maybe part of me wants to try what lucy has been doing. stopping psych meds completely but since I am bipolar 1 I don't think I can drop my AP.
bizi

[OctobersBlackRose]

I'm not always truthful cause I don't want to either be judged or hospitalized, or put on more meds and weight gaining meds.

[HALLIEBETH87]

My pdoc is the one who treated me ip and I really like him but when I go to appointments I get super anxious and my bp is always really high.

I guess I just get afraid he'd throw me in the hospital if I got bad but I know that's not logical. I guess it's because I've seen in my darkest of times and he wasn't quick to discharge me while ip.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm nervous with my pdoc at times. She's a nice person and I don't want her angry with me.

[Wander]

I am a people pleaser so I to find it hard to be honest as I don't want to upset my pdoc. However after seeing him for three years I feel more able to be very open. Occasionally I have lied about not coming off meds but I eventually tell him I have and he is understanding about it, although a bit frustrated. I have also lied about how much I was drinking (alcohol) and pot i was smoking (quit it over 4 months ago though).

Now I am honest about everything and then he can help me with my symptoms and keep me safe. Maybe it's your OCD or paranoia keeping you quiet?? idk but I think it might help to tell them exactly what you told us. I am sure it is common so they won't be surprised.

How are you feeling today?

[still_crazy]

I have trouble being completely open with my current psychiatrist because of confidentiality violations from previous "professionals." That and...being called a "pathological liar" when I was telling the truth.