[reveii]

I am a public school teacher for one of the most competitive and challenging public school districts in America. I have been working for them for about 5 years now. I recently switched to a new school that is high needs. I have the several students with extreme behaviors and I receive very little support from the admin. With my mother's decline in her health and my unhappiness with my job, I went into a partial hospitalization program where I am out on medical leave. I have been on leave for a month and now that my mother passed the psychiatrist wants me to do another 3 weeks! My admin is not very understanding. I feel so guilty for not being there because I know someone has to make my subplans but the doctor won't sign off that I can return. If she doesn't think I am capable, I can't return. I am so anxious because I just don't know if I can keep up with the requirements of being a teacher anymore, especially a high needs school. There are so many things that are demanded and the list grows each day. The thing is, I don't know what to do if I am not a teacher. I have a master's degree in curriculum and instruction. I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 with depression. I am always feeling exhausted. I lack a desire to do anything. I enjoy nothing except doing things for my daughter. I know the doctor is right but I feel that my principal won't understand and it will be a black mark against me. The accommodations person doesn't have any accommodations that will really support me in my return so I have to go in as is and endure. I wish I could do part time but I have so much debt because of my mother and almost becoming homeless when she had her stroke. I am only 30 years old. How can I function as a teacher when there is so much pressure each day and it is so hard to switch to a lower stress teaching job because of the high competition in this county? I can do normal things throughout the day it is just that I get super anxious, worried, I don't sleep well when stressed, and I lack energy but I can't sit still. I have a hard time remembering things or processing things well. I easily misunderstand others and take things deeply personally. I strive to be a perfectionist to reach what I feel others want and often sacrifice my own personal care. If it wasn't for my daughter, I would just lounge around. I have a heavy feeling of exhaustion and fatigue. I am on seroquel, cymbalta, and adderall for adhd (focus and concentration) but only for about 3 weeks. Can someone please give me some ideas of where to go from here? Are desk jobs more realistic? Is it possible to be a teacher and deal with these symptoms? How can I manage in a high needs school? The other option is to move back to my old school but it is also high needs. Most often, you have no time during the day to complete their demands because of meetings, so you take work home. This is where I struggle because I don't have time. I have a little one and she demands the rest of my day after work. We have no family to help and we are desperately tight financially. Is filing bankruptcy for me an option or is that counterproductive? If we weren't so tight we would live comfortably because I make pretty good money. Please help!

[leejosepho]

Having a job you can handle and that can be left at work so you can care for your daughter at home would be my first suggestion, then use your income for current living expenses while holding bankruptcy as an option if taking care of your current living expenses becomes threatened by debt collection. Being a survivor in this world is not easy, but it can be done!

[Victoria'smom]

Some of us are able to work and some of us are not. Can you get intermittent FMLA when you get back? You may want to look into bankruptcy. No one wants it but it's there for a reason. My husband teaches at home-school co ops 3 days a week. Some teachers make $6,000 a semester for one day of work a week. Virtual school maybe an option too. I fully believe you can still teach but it may take getting creative to do it depending on how ill you are.

[newtothis31]

Reveii,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. When I was diagnosed with Bipolar I, I couldn't work for three months as it took me a while to get acclimated to the medicine I was prescribed. The first two months I was back at work, I was on auto-pilot and my productivity stats weren't the greatest. Fortunately, my performance wasn't bad enough to get written up and I was able to make a lot of improvements over the next year. I ended up switching to a more analytical based job, which has reduced my stress and has been rewarding on a personal level.

At this point, I think you are jumping ahead of yourself by worrying about how you will make it going back to work. From reading your post, it sounds like you've done an incredible job of establishing a career in a demanding industry.

A few options:
- Is there a nearby outpatient treatment program that you can utilize in the next three weeks? Outpatient really helped me bridge the gap between hospitalization and getting back to a normal life.
- From reading your post, it sounds like you do have the option of transferring to another school if your current principal is a pain.
- What is your relationship with the teacher's union?
- What is the age of your daughter? When I had to take work home when my daughter was 3-4, I simply plopped open a coloring book or gave my kid some additional TV time. Obviously, time with your child is important but there are ways that you can sneak in some administrative work with your child. Another option may be to wake up a hour earlier or work on it after putting your daughter to bed.
- Remember that your teacher skill set is still there, regardless if you have any type of illness. While I personally do not have the skill set to be a teacher, you probably do if you've gotton this far in your career.
- You may want to check if your p-doc can refer you to a counselor who has experience working with bipolar patients. If you do cognitive based therapy or DBT, that may help you uncover some coping skills to handle stressors at work.
- Have faith that the more proactive you are in identifying treatment and managing your health, the better it will be.

Keep us posted! The first year post diagnosis is a huge adjustment. My daughter was three when I was diagnosed, and she is now six.

[hopeless2015]

I also suggest fmla for the time being

[wildflowerchild25]

I am a teacher as well. For four years I taught in a special education school that was not demanding in terms of paperwork from teachers but very demanding emotionally because the students were severely emotionally and behaviorally disturbed. I was dx'ed bp 1 about two thirds of the way through my first year of teaching. I struggled immensely for a long time. I was hospitalized seven times and took two extended medical leaves. Somewhere in there my husband died as well so I had that to deal with. I found it impossible to Teach while depressed. One year I started the year depressed and I was known to my students as "the teacher who never smiles". It was awful.

I finally stabilized after another extended leave last winter but I ultimately decided that I couldn't continue teaching in that school. I found a job as a special education teacher in a public school district near my home and I am much happier now. My kids have behavior issues but it's nothing compared to what I dealt with. Plus I co teach for two out of the three instructional blocks of the day, so it's really a great gig. Being stable helps too.

I often worry about what would happen if I became depressed again. I'm not eligible for disability through the state because I'm in the union but the union disability insurance doesn't cover pre existing conditions so I'm not eligible for that either. Basically I'm screwed if I have to take an extended leave again.

If you feel teaching is too stressful, would you consider becoming a teacher's assistant? I know you have too much education for that but that's going to be my fall back if I can't handle teaching. I was a one to one aide before I was a teacher and it was the best job I ever had. Only problem was the pay was really ******. I wouldn't be able to afford living on my own.

I hope you're able to continue teaching. Since you have a masters, could you do something more administrative in your district instead of being a classroom teacher? I don't know if that would be less stress but it might be.

In any case take the time you need to recover now. It must be hard with admin not supporting you though. My admin at the special ed school was extremely supportive. I don't know what I would have done if they weren't.

I know I didn't offer much in the way of advice, I just wanted to let you know I understand. And it is possible to teach while bp, but you need to work hard to maintain stability.

[reveii]

Thank you all for your responses. They've been so helpful. I feel I might handle for a while since one of my challenging kids moved but I really feel I just can't keep up with the pace that the schools want. I don't have the heart for it anymore and it is a struggle to keep at that momentum even with bipolar. What strategies worked for you while in the workplace? The online school thing really sounds great to me, especially online teaching for adults on education.

I'm going to be really honest with you as fellow public school teacher.

I am a public school teacher in my 31st year of teaching. During the period when I was least stable, I continued to work, only missing perhaps a week a year due to hospitalization. It is hard on students and other teachers when a teacher is out for a prolonged period; thus, administration's frustration with teachers that have to go on extended leave. Illnesses happen to many teachers, and they can be supported through those though. Hopefully, once you return, you'll be back to a regular schedule. If, however, it becomes a situation where you start having to go on extended leave several times a year, that becomes much more troublesome. I was fortunate enough to only have to miss short periods of time, and my administration was always very supportive because they had confidence of my return to full service and ability.

When possible, try to go in and prepare lesson plans or help with planning; it will go a long way toward showing a desire and willingness to make things work best for all involved. I've known many teachers, even in the midst of chemotherapy, to come in once or twice a week to confer with the long-term sub and help with planning.

I don't know how Maryland teaching contracts work. In Texas, generally you are not on continuing contract with a school district until you've passed the 3 year mark. Teachers can be dismissed in those first 3 years fairly easily, and poor attendance for whatever reason is a common reason for contracts being denied. Be sure you know the terms of your contract, and if you are unionized (we are not in Texas), be sure to check with your union representative to be sure you are advocated for and accommodated for as is your legal right.

Would it be possible to attend half days or M/W/F for these next few weeks rather than missing full time? That might be a way to keep the psychiatric support going while continuing to work. Sometimes doctors don't live in the real world we do, and we simply have to tell them they have to find a plan B because missing more work is jeopardizing our income. They don't like it, but sometimes you just have to put your foot down.

If you are finding working in this particular teaching environment too stressful, I would encourage you to work on a transfer as soon as possible. As you know, transfers aren't always immediately available, but start talking to human resources and let them know a transfer is needed. Remind them of your master's training. Most districts have personnel that work less with students and more with teacher training or in other administrative positions. Perhaps there is some position available you could be considered for, but again, you will need to show an ability to be in attendance regularly. You might also consider a different district that might have positions open more conducive for your life.

As far as teaching and parenting goes, I get that. I raised three sons while teaching. I've found ways to be sure I take as little work home as possible. It may mean I go in early and stay a bit late. It may mean enlisting the help of your husband in the evenings if you are married so that you have time to get work done. It may mean your daughter goes to bed half an hour earlier or you stay up a bit later. Meetings shouldn't (and generally legally cannot) take up all of your conference time; if they are, familiarize yourself with Maryland's laws concerning planning time requirements and be sure your time is not being abused by administrative meetings. Again, if you have a union, they will know that information.

Financially, there are worse things in the world than bankruptcy. Finding some financial relief may be really important as your illness leave is bound to be running out, and your pay will start being docked often at real-time rates. If your district has a sick-leave bank, be sure to apply for that kind of relief.

I hope things will stabilize for you. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself in assuming things will always be as bad as they are right now for you. If you have a fair amount of confidence that once you get past this immediate crisis you'll be okay, then just get through this crisis. If you've handled your teaching tasks thus far in your career, it is likely once this crisis has passed, you'll manage to get back in the swing of things. As bad as things were for me at times, I felt comfortable in my ability to teach and knew I'd be okay in the long run continuing to teach.