[wildflowerchild25]

So it's Sunday night and I have not been severely depressed today. I did not drink alone on Friday night as I have been. I drank last night with my brother for his birthday but kept it to a six pack instead of drinking my usual of a six pack and a bottle of wine. I think that helped. I was exhausted today but that was from staying up so late. I had a lazy day. I didn't make any more cookies or clean the living room but that's just because I was lazy lol.

I have to wonder if smoking really does reduce my depression. I made it six weeks smoke free and then picked up again on Monday because I was so depressed. I'm hoping to try quitting again after the new year but if I get depressed again I will probably pick it back up. It's unfortunate if it does help me because it is SO bad for me. What keeps me alive may also kill me. How ironic.

I just have to survive one more week and then I have ten days off for winter break. I have to survive my bad evaluation tomorrow too. I'm meeting with my supervisor over the observation she did on Monday. I read the write up. It's pretty bad. As suspected, all negative comments were related to my classroom management skills. But maybe she'll have suggestions on how I can improve. I'm changing everyone's seat. I guess I'm going to have to start with infractions again and sending the kids out of the classroom for a time out. Maybe that will help.

I'm hoping they won't fire me at the end of the year because if you average the two reviews it's still enough to be proficient. And that's how they do it, they take an average of all the evaluations for the year. Although test scores on the standardized test now count for 30% of my overall score. I don't know how that works with my special ed students. There's no way they're passing the test no matter how well I teach. We are working on text based responses now and it's not going well. I don't know if they have to pass or if they just have to improve from last year. I think I can get them to improve. I hope that's the way it is.

I'm so glad I'm not depressed this week! I hope it continues. Christmas is so close! I don't want to be a pile of mush for Christmas. I'm not going to drink this week either. I might have a glass of wine Christmas Eve but I'm not going to get drunk. So I should be ok.

[Wander]

So glad you feel better. Have you tried vaping nicotine instead of cigarettes? Much better for the health but still get the nicotine. I find it really helpful. Good luck in your evaluation. Bet you will do just fine. Hope the better mood continues. xx

[wildflowerchild25]

Yes. The vaping really helped. I went down on the concentration of nicotine to the lowest dose though and perhaps I did so too soon. I'm going to buy stronger liquid after the new year and try again.