My sweet, kind b/f and I have been together for 5 years. (Another reason we get along so well is that we do not live together! LOL --- never, never -- I can't live with another person! Believe it!!!) When we first met he said, "I'm not as intelligent as you are." This is true. More and more I have started to wonder if he has a learning disability of some kind. We are both in our 70s, so back in our day, the education system didn't have a clue about kids who had difficulties with school work.

Well, I took a test online "Do You Have a Learning Disbility?" or some title like that. I took it based on what I know about him, and what I observe. He scored very high on all the areas covered in the test, except one area.

I would NEVER, EVER say anything about this to him. I'd never, ever say "Maybe you have a learning disability"!!!! Nothing even close to that.

In a way, I feel relieved to know this. I am trying to be more patient when he stumbles on words, hesitates when he reads aloud, and becomes obsessive about something he's trying to help me with, that I don't want help with (like trying to fix something that I personally think is too broken to fix, not worth fixing.)

I keep telling myself, "He puts up so sweetly with my moods, gloom, and impatience! I can put up with his difficulties, too."

But it's hard to be nice and happy, when he's being obsessive with stuff, especially.

My b/f is a gem. I wish I could be in a better mood for him ALL THE TIME. I'm doing a workbook on learning emotional intelligence. One of the question is about what I think my areas are than need improving. I wrote that I get obsessive, and want things NOW. I want this fixed....NOW. I want this depression to go away NOW. I want my sprained thumb to get well NOW. My b/f gave me tons of great insights about these attitudes, one of which is "That's not realistic. It's not the way life is." Folks here at the forum may be thinking, "Well, that's so OBVIOUS!" But it isn't obvious to me, not at all!

[Lillyleaf]

Hello,
I'm glad you posted. I feel like this post might be in the wrong form. I don't see how it has to do with Bipolar Disorder. I will do my best anyways to answer it.

It can be really frustrating when someone isn't on the same page as you. I get frustrated at my group members in school for not understanding or not keeping up with me thoughts. Ha! Keeping up with my thoughts. Manic thoughts can't be caught up with. For me when I get frustrated I have to take a break. Weird as that sounds right? It is kind of like grounding. While I'm frustrated I can't as easily look at the situation and I jump to conclusions.

Also, not everything is obvious to everyone. Sometimes answers are starting us in the face--and that's okay. What matters is that you find the answer eventually.
Best of luck to you!

Lilly

[Ocean Swimmer]

Deep breathing helps develop patience

Hi Lillyleaf, I think I did post in the right place (i.e. bipolar forum). I am dx'd Bipolar II and I post here a lot. You probably have seen my posts a lot of times. Anyway, I think my frustration likely is due to something similar to what you wrote:

"For me when I get frustrated I have to take a break. Weird as that sounds right? It is kind of like grounding. While I'm frustrated I can't as easily look at the situation and I jump to conclusions."

Yes, I agree -- I need a break in these situations with my boyfriend, too. But each of use has a very small apartment, so take a break would mean that one of us has to go home. This would not be acceptable, and would just hurt his feelings and/or frustrate him. We don't live together and only see each other once or twice a week.

I'll try an exercise routine, though. Deep breathing alone does not work for me, but shoulder rolls force deep breathing to happen. And it leads on to arm rotations and other Yoga movements.

Originally Posted by Lillyleaf

Hello,
I'm glad you posted. I feel like this post might be in the wrong form. I don't see how it has to do with Bipolar Disorder. I will do my best anyways to answer it.

It can be really frustrating when someone isn't on the same page as you. I get frustrated at my group members in school for not understanding or not keeping up with me thoughts. Ha! Keeping up with my thoughts. Manic thoughts can't be caught up with. For me when I get frustrated I have to take a break. Weird as that sounds right? It is kind of like grounding. While I'm frustrated I can't as easily look at the situation and I jump to conclusions.

Also, not everything is obvious to everyone. Sometimes answers are starting us in the face--and that's okay. What matters is that you find the answer eventually.
Best of luck to you!

Lilly

That's an interesting concept -- that deep breathing helps develop patience. I never thought of that. For me, deep breathing alone does not work but shoulder rolls force deep breathing to happen. And it leads on to arm rotations and other Yoga movements.
I'll try an exercise routine, next time.

Thanks a lot for this idea!

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Deep breathing helps develop patience

[Icare dixit]

It don't think a learning disability is the real problem, just that it may have caused a problem: a feeling of inferiority, being stupid, being clumsy, being inadequate. This would make his difficulties due to a learning disability worse.

I have dyslexia. It makes me feel (and honestly I am when it comes to certain things) inferior and that makes things worse. Frustration caused by this, one's own and that of others, makes things a lot worse still.

Dyslexia causes one to have difficulties learning anything that's somewhat arbitrary, like series of movements, series of letters and series of sounds. We don't see things that are arbitrary, because often these are meaningless. Everyone does that, but we do it to a greater extent. But after enough practice and exposure, things we do, see or hear become less arbitrary (again, this is what everyone experiences, but it takes us longer; we don't see fewer combinations and more, different relations, fewer components, e.g. one syllable as a unit, one thing to remember and use, instead of individual letters).

But you can't learn without faith in one's abilities. If your abilities are different and require more time to be effective, you may never develop this faith and you may learn nothing. You avoid learning certain things and you feel increasingly inadequate.

The key is understanding that you can do things as well as others (and an awful lot better than others, eventually), it just takes time.

He needs to know that and you need to know that (if he has a similar learning difficulty).