[Werewoman]

Let's see...I've spent time in the PTSD and ADHD forums, cuz I was diagnosed 15 years ago with those little lovelies, then finally, last month, BAM!

"Oh, and by the way, Mrs. Blahblah, you're bipolar type II."

"Oh."

Actually, I already knew. Have for a while now...like a decade or so, maybe? Does it matter? Anyway, the point is, there was no way I was gonna admit to myself or anyone else that I was bipolar. Nope. Bipolar people are crazy and I'm not crazy. If I'm crazy, then my abusers will just use it as yet one more excuse to justify themselves. I don't think I can survive that. It hurts too much.

But, like all such things, denial is not just a river in Egypt, and wallowing in either one just gets you wet. They don't change anything.

So here I am, with my acceptance....except, I'm finding others around me, especially my husband, suddenly looking at me differently, regarding me through new lenses, seeing me differently than before - and not in a positive way, either.

All I really want to do right now is cash in my 401K, pay off all the debts and bills I've burdened him with, and disappear. Strangely enough, now that I've accepted my diagnosis, and in spite of the drugs that actually help with it, I think I'd be a lot happier if I could just find a place where I can just be all kinds of weird and I don't have to be normal anymore. It's exhausting.

WW

[bioChE]

Welcome to the club. I didn't want the BP diagnosis either, but eventually came to accept it as part of me. My family has always been supportive, so that's a huge bonus.

[Werewoman]

My dad's the only one who's been supportive.

When I told him, he said, "I know.". Huh.

[Naynay99]

Hey. Glad u have your dad to support you at least. Your husband will probably come around; give it time and don't just disappear.

I can relate to some of what u said about the diagnosis. I'm questioning if my recurrent MDD is really bipolar 2. I think maybe I am holding on to my current dx even if it isn't accurate because I don't want to be bipolar. No, that's not exactly it. I don't want to looked at or thought of as that crazy,bipolar,dangerous, out of control persona that most of society pictures when they hear the word BIPOLAR. I don't want to he looked at through some new warped lens.

I hope your husband starts to see YOU again soon and not just the bipolar. Hang in there. And be all kinds of weird if you want!!

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

Hey. Glad u have your dad to support you at least. Your husband will probably come around; give it time and don't just disappear.

I can relate to some of what u said about the diagnosis. I'm questioning if my recurrent MDD is really bipolar 2. I think maybe I am holding on to my current dx even if it isn't accurate because I don't want to be bipolar. No, that's not exactly it. I don't want to looked at or thought of as that crazy,bipolar,dangerous, out of control persona that most of society pictures when they hear the word BIPOLAR. I don't want to he looked at through some new warped lens.

I hope your husband starts to see YOU again soon and not just the bipolar. Hang in there. And be all kinds of weird if you want!!

Wered follows me wherever I go...

[MBM17]

Trying to be normal is indeed EXHAUSTING.

[Werewoman]

What I want to know is who says we have to be. Why can't we just be ourselves? What's wrong with that? Just leave us to do what we are good at and leave us the heck alone when it comes to the things we aren't so good at. What's wrong with that?

[craigster92560]

The hell with being "normal" we set the standard for the new normal lol

[craigster92560]

We being the BPs of the world, just to clarify