[MtnTime2896]

I'll take every damn pill. Every single one ten-fold; if it gets me to next week.

All I have to do is stay alive. Stay lucid. Stay me.

I had an episode today. I thought I died and I wasn't real anymore. I swore it.

Now, I know that's bull, because my fiance obviously sees me and I'm having full conversations with people. But I am scared. Scared that I won't maintain my sanity for at least seven more days. One week. I need one week and then I can go as nuts as I want. I just need one more week, damn it.

[Nammu]

A day does not an episode make. By definition an episode last two weeks or longer

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Nammu

A day does not an episode make. By definition an episode last two weeks or longer

I should've clarified; I meant a depersonalized (dissociative) episode. I only get them when I'm starting to go down hill. Usually pretty fast. I've been mixed for a good couple weeks, now.

That and the woman told me she killed me in my sleep last night. More specifically, had me shot by my dad. I think it stemmed off of a dream I had right before I woke up in a cold sweat.

[mar33]

Thanks for this. I too am headed downhill. Not sure how to stop it or even ride it? I don't become dissociative and I'm sorry I can offer only words but here are some that might help. This is a snippet from a poem by Robert Frost:

I have been one acquainted with the night
I have walked out in the rain-and back in rain
I have out walked the furthest city light

Walk on my friend

[Flutterby11]

i am sorry it is so tough i feel your pain though. i hope you can manage the week.

[MtnTime2896]

Barely made it through yesterday, but I did it. I already feel myself unstable today but less hallucinations and no depersonalization or dissociation, so far this morning. That's something and I'll take it. I can handle highs and lows, even my SI, but it's the brief psychotic episodes and dissociation that almost drain me into submission.

[Musician1980]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Barely made it through yesterday, but I did it. I already feel myself unstable today but less hallucinations and no depersonalization or dissociation, so far this morning. That's something and I'll take it. I can handle highs and lows, even my SI, but it's the brief psychotic episodes and dissociation that almost drain me into submission.

Is there anything in particular that will happen at the end of this week that will allow you to just let go and not have to worry as much?

I'm sorry for what you're doing through.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Musician1980

Is there anything in particular that will happen at the end of this week that will allow you to just let go and not have to worry as much?

I'm sorry for what you're doing through.

I'm not sure. Well, my fiance will be here and I won't have to worry too bad about something happening because he'll set me straight. We've already made a deal that if I fall fully into anything severe enough that I can't handle it; he'll take me to the hospital and take my little brother on the trip himself. If I can't get there, I can't get there but I'm still trying. Just needed a back-up plan.