I didn't know the word "boundaries" until I was in my 60s. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, with a domineering father who was emotionally to us all, and physically abuse to us kids. When a person grows up in an environment like this, their natural boundaries are violated and basically "removed." That's because, in my own case for example, when I would try to say No, I'd get hit, or at least put down and yelled at.

Due to my lack of boundaries, and my ineffectual attempts to defend myself, I married men who were abusive in various ways. One threatened to kill me. Another suggested he assist me in committing suicide -- he wanted the house, I suspect.

Despite much reading in self help books about how to avoid abusive men, and several group experiences for abuse survivors, I got into a relationship with another creep at age 60 something.

Somehow, though, I learned boundaries, and how to effectively speak up for myself, and refuse to do certain things, or to be with certain people.

So that's my story. Maybe some of you can do better than I did. But things are definitely much better now for me.

[shaggy dog]

For having such a hard life it sounds like you have a lot of inner strength and fortitude. Thank you for sharing your experience. shaggy