[Theresa1991]

It has been days that I feel very high on energy and very inquiet and also very anxious.

I think it is all a little too much right now and I feel like sharing.

I will move to a new flat on Saturday which I will be sharing with a very kind and relaxed flatmate. The room is really beautiful and I am happy to move there. Still moving to another flat is one of the things that stress me out most in life.

Right now I am living in a shared flat with two friends that I rented with my ex boyfriend before breaking up one and a half years ago. Now he is coming back from abroad and I have to leave the flat to him. So tomorrow morning I am going to meet him for the first time after the break-up and we have to seperate our things and agree on a price he has to pay me for all the kitchen stuff I leave in the flat.

The week after moving I start my preparation for my final exams (preparation time of nine months - law is very hard to study, especially in Germany) and two new jobs on the same day.

I am all over the place. I don't feel like myself anymore. I have had a persisten kind of cold for various weeks and I don't really recover because I am so stressed out and on the top smoking like a champion and drinking almost every night.

I just can't stand to be alone with my thoughts. I get panic attacks again, mainly being afraid of people and talking and of cancer (because I smoke, which actually is not that probable because I am 25 and have been smoking for less than two years).

One day I am on top of the world, the next all anxious and irritable. I "feel" that I don't have any feelings anymore. I am just a reflex. I do what I have to do and try not to listen to the racing thoughts in my head. Just make it through the day and try not to wreck my life.

I know I should give up on the drinking (even though I don't get drunk regularly). I don't manage. I want to give up on the smoking too. Fail. I feel like I am just a shadow of who I used to be and that is strange because I don't even feel depressed.

Just not like myself. More like someone who is driven by a foreign force that lives inside me (and this is just a description, not what I actually believe).

My life is driving me nuts, my mind is breaking me.

[MBM17]

I would be having panic attacks and feel like I was falling apart too with all that going on! Good heavens!!