Toxic work environment---

Hi there, so a year ago i took a job in a busy, small tax office. Last year, i was a support person who was learning the motions and i felt the pressure but in a good way. Fast forward, 3 people quit, i was pushed to take over a major client account (where i work with a crazy woman for 8-9 hours a week), the remainder of the time i am managing about 40 other client accounts (posting books). Its tax season, working Saturdays, and im getting married next month!! :O

I am making mistakes at work, i suppose i am human. I am feeling over worked, and stressed despite working much less hours then others at work. (and im working 40-50 hour weeks, plus still working 5 hours a week for my dad).

The funny thing is, my mood & rage attacks have been minimal lately. maybe im just working too much lol. However, im dealing w/ anxiety, racing thoughts and such constantly. i take allot of remedies, bags full of various supplements and meds.. working w/ therapist. it sucks to live this way.

Not to mention one of the bosses thinks its ok to put me down. they are loud, and have ridiculous expectations. I feel its like his self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of proper training, they say degrading things to me. i have been called "blondie" on more then 1 occasion, i have been lately told that i "scare" him (when i make mistakes) which is terrifying for me to hear, even though he may be joking? There way of celebrating is going out and getting drunk w/ co workers. (i dont condone drinking and driving).

The place sucks frankly. I thought it would be a great growing experience for me, but it is turning into something worse then what i was dealing with before.

Before- i was working for my dad was isolated and stressed, and thought i needed something of my own. Here i go missing that more quiet pace very much.

Im not sure that i need that either, i think just something that is more balanced. Even when i work in the 'crazy' womans office, i am happier, much less "action" as the main office which is a "open concept" where i definately do not thrive. (i am also a bit introverted).

Ugh, needed to vent. The great thing is- my fiance is so supportive. He is there for me, He does well financially which takes the pressure off of me. But there is the voice in my head telling me not to be a wimp, suck it up, the money is good, its good experience (well, in the fact that i am learning via 'trial by fire').

I suffer from bi-polar 2, (we think), and PTSD. I am going to start EDMR soon. In a way, i feel like this job is contributing to more PTSD symptoms thankfully its not triggering the bi-polar / mania for some reason. Maybe my meds are helping to balance.

HELP!!! i feel so helpless. My self- esteem is not that great, either, and this work environment makes me feel very belittled and small. Am i just complaining/ over reacting and have to accept this is the "real" world, and that i need to grin and bear it? and i keep beating myself up each time i make a mistake. :/

thanks...

Sounds like it is time to start searching for new jobs, especially if you like your line of work, there should be somewhere you can do that kind of work that the culture is a better fit for you. I know it is a lot of extra work on your part with your full plate, but if you can find a better work environment in the long run it will benefit you very much.

In the meantime it sounds like there are somethings you need to let go, things that are not priority. Really look at your obligations. Perhaps you need to go on break from something until your wedding is done? Congrats on that by the way! Or maybe go on hiatus from an obligation until you can find a better fitting job?

Heck no you're not over-reacting. I worked in a toxic work environment that I was determined to stay at because I wasn't a quitter. Big mistake. After 6 years I had a nervous breakdown and ended up leaving. In my case it greatly exacerbated my bp2 and anxiety. Be gentle with yourself and start looking for other things to do. Life is too short. It's great you have a supportive fiancé. Good luck and best wishes.

Thank you soo much. I have been talking to my fiance, he is encouraging me to leave asap. Then i can take time to focus on planning the wedding in a few weeks, and de-stress. I feel bad about up and leaving, but at the same time, i know that is what i should do, and not worry about them. I dont want to be a "quitter" either, like you Jennifer.

Alokin, yes, i think taking a break from this major obligation is in the cards. It is pretty much my only main/big obligation at the moment, other then the exciting wedding which i really can't wait for!!

I have to say, this all feels like a giant relief already. The other day, when i was told "You really scare me"... i felt like saying - im scary? look at yourself!!
I was told be another co-worker who is also leaving, that they dont have the "balls" to fire anyone. So- they would just treat me like crap, and somehow enjoy it? Hell no! That is not for me.

I told another girl there yesterday - you can critic my work any time- i am a big girl, i can handle being wrong. But- dont criticize my character. Is it too hard to ask for some respect?

Now i just have to think about how to do this whole quitting thing. :/