[0321_00]

My problems with mental health started around 7th grade when I went through a period of depression where I was self harming and thinking of suicide, I got therapy and started feeling a lot better. Until after 8th grade just before 9th grade I started feeling very happy yet very depressed at the same time, and in 9th grade I went through a time where I was really happy for a while, then I went through another period of depression, and then after I recovered very fast.

All of a sudden I was really really happy again yet everything in my life made me really angry, I started disliking all of my friends and I got into a relationship without even thinking if I liked them, and I ended up hating them too and hurting them a lot, it's like a flip switched inside me. And then I felt really normal for a while during the summer, and then I hit an even worse depression than before. I pushed away all my friends due to extreme anxiety and I felt the saddest I've ever been in my life. I wasnt eating and developed anemia, I was sleeping most of the day, i started self harming again, i would cry every day, even in school. I had almost all F's I was in therapy for months before I started feeling better. I went through another period of time where I was normal.

And then all of a sudden I was the best I've ever been, I was extremely confident and I did so many things with my friends and I felt like I had my life back and I was on the top of the world, i was so motivated to do things like go to the gym and finish therapy. I was never home and always out with my friends and I started doing things I would never do like go streaking and getting naked in front of my friends or going to abandoned houses and almost getting in trouble and hooking up with someone without thinking about the consequences, while I was feeling this confident and had a super inflated ego, then I started hating my friends again and getting really annoyed and angry at everything they do, I started to get super confrontational and rude and didn't even care. I let all this anger manifest in me and started talking about people so much behind their back, even if they were a really good friend to me. I also started dating somebody again without thinking if I really liked them and ended up hurting them.

This all ruined my relationships with those people and caused a lot of problems. And the amount of damage I did really hit me. And now im back in a depressed episode and feeling distant from the friends I have left, and my grades are slipping again and I feel really upset at myself for everything and the guilt is making things really hard. I have no motivation anymore, I don't enjoy a lot of things, I feel really tired all the time and my eating habits are terrible. I don't know what to do anymore, I just want to know what it sounds like I have so I can work up the courage to go to a doctor and try to get diagnosis.

[Wander]

It is impossible for us to diagnose you but you do show traits of BP. It is best to see a psychiatrist or psychologist to get a professional opinion. It sounds like it causes havoc in your life so being checked out may help you get the right treatment.