[IntentOnHealing]

Hi,

I don't know exactly what to say. I applied for disability back at the end of January. I know I have still have months to wait before I get a response, and that statistically speaking, my application will likely be denied.

I'm not asking about the details related to applying, wait times, determinations, hiring an attorney etc.

My questions are about how you FEEL about applying. How do you FEEL about not being able to work? How do you FEEL about needing it at all? What kind of emotional process did you go through as related to those things and others?

I am feeling really alone and depressed about this. Well, about a lot of things, but I'm picking this thing to ask you about since the general population (my family, friends, etc.) has no idea what this feels like.

Your responses are greatly appreciated! Thank you so much!

I am on disability and have been since 18 (I'm 25 now). My pride definitely felt wounded...because I had so much potential and literally could have done anything I wanted before mental illness made its mark. It doesn't feel good to be so ill that the government gives you money because you are not able to earn your own.

Fortunately the application process was easy enough. I had good references and was approved the first time within months of applying. The part I disliked the most was having to write how your disability affects your daily life, because it felt like writing a sob story even though I knew it was very valid.

It helped me to keep in mind that I would be able to work part-time after being approved for disability. At the moment I am working very part-time (15 hours a week) and it definitely feels more satisfying to receive money from a job than money from the government. But I am very thankful for disability. It has allowed me to live alone and be independent...something I could never do without it.

[Moose72]

I've been on disability since November. The application process was easy enough. My lawyer was great and the judge and others at the hearing were great too. I got approved first time out. I guess my medical records were good enough to prove what they needed to know. This money isn't a ton but it does help me pay my bills.

[Unrigged64072835]

I got disability in 2013. I feel lucky to have it. It has eased up my life in a lot of ways. It's not the only disability income I have, but it helps a lot.

I don't like not being able to work, though. Between my brain and my back it makes it tough.

[Wild Coyote]

I had found the process, as outlined by the SSA, very easy. I was approved first application.

My thoughts though weren't so easy to live with. I was devastated to think I was so ill I had to apply in order to survive. It was all very hard on me, psychologically.


WC

[IntentOnHealing]

Yeah, that's exactly it. Thank you. The hard part is the emotional aspect. The thinking I am too sick to________________. The feeling like, how will I ever satisfy my need for human contact/desire to serve/you name the random thing work fulfills. And, absolutely. Filling out the "functional report" thingy was the worst. It's like, crushed me.

I don't know what to do with these feelings.

And then there's the terror: what if they DON'T give it to me?!

[still_crazy]

i know our situations are different, but i think of it as a blessing, not 'oh, man...now the gov't has to support me!" see, when i tried to work, people made my life hell. made fun of, victim of office politics, squeezed out of good shifts, etc. so, for me, disability may not be the most socially acceptable source of income ever, but im spared full dependence on my (hardworking, loving) parents and i'm also able to avoid high stress employment that would probably not last long, anyway.

:-)

[raspberrytorte]

I was fine with it. I don't feel bad. I honestly gave working my best shot.

[Nammu]

I was told to apply by my psychritist, after being told numerous times I made a deal with him. I would apply and when they denied me that would be the end of it, no appeals. The day they approved me, I tried to kill myself if felt so bad to be told at 28 that I was considered long termed disabled.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I wound up IP for 15 days after developing and nearly carrying out a suicide plan as I realized I wasn't going back to work from short term disability. IP saved my life but it also took that intensity to get me to say "I have to stop working" and to accept that as reality.

Once I applied and was approved really quickly (11 weeks) I was just glad to be through the part where I had no income and by then I'd pretty much come to terms with the fact that I just was too sick to work. Not only was my bipolar worse I had surgery about 6 months before I applied for SSDI that had a med reaction that cost me some cognitive power and I needed to be able to think fast to work. So I also had to accept that I wasn't the same and that this played a role in my need to stop.

Later I learned that my therapist had seen my ability to work winding down over the prior year or two and that the end wasn't a surprise to almost anyone but me and my employers.

I still miss it. I'm going through a hard time now b/c I "should" be renewing my license and instead it is expiring. I don't have the required clinical hours and there's no point in spending money to renew when I still wouldn't meet the requireents to "unfreeze" my currently "frozen" license. It sucks and I'll be glad when the renewal period ends but it's just part of life.

[Cocosurviving]

My process was a nightmare....I can't stand the SSA! At least not in my local area. I was first denied in two months. Then I applied and went to court (it took a year) with a lawyer. I was denied....told I was too young to not be able to do something....to put my college education to use. I had documentations of hospitalizations and I had an episode at my last good job. I ended up getting put on leave....had a meltdown in my therapist office. Then got fired. I changed my pdoc and re-applied again six months later. I was also given a diagnosis of schizaffective disorder at the new pdoc. I put it on my application a long with anxiety and bipolar one. Six weeks later I won based on schizaffective disorder. The other times I just listed bipolar one and anxiety

I'm not bothered abt getting SSDI. I worked for years and started out with blue collar jobs. I paid in taxes and Medicare. I'm just not able to work anymore. During the process my mom is who helped me financially. I lived with my grandmother for one year which was hell.
When I got my settlement I paid my mom back money I had borrowed. I took my grandmother shopping

[BipolaRNurse]

I was horrified when my pdoc suggested I apply for SSDI. It had been only about a year since he'd told me he'd never sign off on any disability claim for me, as he believed that I should work because of the structure my job provided me. But I'd just kept getting worse, and it became readily apparent that I needed to stop working. So I applied with the help of an attorney, and got it on the first try. I guess the combination of my mental and physical problems were enough.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed to be on SSDI until a friend pointed out that I'd worked and paid into the system for decades and it was my money. It still gets a little awkward when I meet new people and the first thing they want to know is what I do for a living; I just say I'm a retired nurse, even though it's obvious that I'm too young to be retired. I also tell people I'm a freelance writer.

I hate being poor, although SSDI does provide enough income that I can pay my rent and bills in the same month. If I could work, I would, because I was proud of being a nurse and loved most of my jobs. But I have to admit that I'm still too sick to work, even though I'm on an adequate medication regimen and haven't had a major manic or depressive episode in two years. I don't know if I ever will be able to work again. It's very humbling to know that the federal government thinks I'm too impaired to hold down a job.