[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Moose, I'm glad your son was ok. (I just saw the news about his wreck.)

For me, it was 6 hours of driving today, taking my son to a specialist in concussions in Sacramento first thing this morning. City traffic stresses me out so much.

Then driving myself to see my pdoc. She's putting me on dexedrin so I don't feel so inclined to sleep 12 hours or more per day. I hope it does me good.

I hope it does you good, too!
I am taking Adderall and could use more energy.
I hope your son is healing.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Tucson

I have been struggling with depression. I went out to eat twice and walked around a bit with a neighbor, so I did accomplish something today.

I am sorry.
The "struggling with depression" part gets old.
Glad you were able to get out!

WC

[Moose72]

Thanks vertigo. N. goes to the Dr for a check up today. I'll tell him to relay the accident to her. I'm just glad he got hit on the passenger's side instead of the driver's side.

[Moose72]

Off to work out. Need a good conversation with a friend.

[Moose72]

Oh! Guess what I had to do this morning-May 9th?? Scrape my car! What the.....???

[rwwff]

On the good side, mood feels like its leveling smoothly to the middle, and the noise in my head (that I thought was normal, haha) is gone. How one silly little blue pill (with help from the stabilizer I guess) makes that happen is just beyond me.

On the down side, it seems all the noise and jitter in my thoughts, moved to my hands; soup is now a comedy routine. That said, I've always had some tremor, and know how to disguise it well enough, and its not nearly as bad as some folks seem to get. Definitely within tolerable limits.

So...... I'm cured!!! (thats means I can stop going to the doctor, right, right?? lol)
jk jk

So, I had my final interview with the outside employer...

In my mind it went horribly wrong as they didn't talk so much about the position as they did about wanting to get to know me as a person. My wife says this is a good thing, but I've read articles that state when they start going to chit-chat it is a sign that they aren't really interested in you and just going through the motions. When I arrived HR told me that they had narrowed down the list of applicants to two people; I was one of them. To make it to the final two of anything is nice, but I'd much rather get a great offer to leave my present employer.

I met with two people, the first of which was nice but really only talked about my skills, education, and experience for the first ten minutes and then we talked about select soccer and our kids for another 25 minutes. Then I was sent downstairs to the lobby to wait for a staff meeting to be concluded. A little after 4:00, and well past 30 minutes, I was invited back up to meet with the director of the department. The vibe I got was how full of himself he appeared to be. I'll be the first, second, and third person to admit I cannot read people well and social interactions are something I am extremely terrible at. I felt like this half of my interview went poorly. We talked more about work, but then when we got to personal stuff he just didn't seem into it and kept checking the clock on his computer, watch, or phone.

Then this morning I used a generic thank you letter I found off the internet which I thought I had modified and tailored it to fit the company and people I interviewed with. Unfortunately, and I think some may know where I am going with this, I left in some of the generic text on the first email I sent. It mentioned experience in the classroom. Completely non-applicable to the position I applied for. Oops.

I may have done well, or well enough in the first round to make it to the second round, but I could have been the best of the worst. I'm sure that the other candidate will land this position. They interviewed in the morning and were there from 8:15 to 10:35. They interviewed for most of the two hours they were there for. I arrived at 2:55 and left at 4:55. There was a good hour or so that I wasn't interviewing.

Now I'm worried that tomorrow will be another disappointment in an ongoing wave of disappointments. Tomorrow I'm having lunch with the hiring managers from the internal position I applied for. I'm confident now the universe is punishing me for something I've done and this is just another social experiment I now have to endure. I hate this feeling.

I went from thoughts of giving my two week notice here at my current job to spending another six years wasting away in a department that doesn't respect me and social interactions that leave me weak emotionally and physically.

[Moose72]

I bet you're worrying for nothing neodk.

So I just got a text message from one of the references I listed on my job application that they just got done giving a great review of me. Not quite sure what to think just yet - could be a formality that they have to call your listed references.

I bet you're worrying for nothing neodk.

Story of my life.

[jacky8807]

neodk I hate interviews! I give you all the credit in the world for going through that! I'm pretty terrible at interviews . hope you get the job you want!

[jacky8807]

I have to quit smoking. my cough never went away and now I have follow ups with pulmonary and ENT.
I'm so scared of the weight gain in quitting as ludicrous as that sounds.
ah but it's time. and just think of all the money I will save!!

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by neodk

So I just got a text message from one of the references I listed on my job application that they just got done giving a great review of me. Not quite sure what to think just yet - could be a formality that they have to call your listed references.

I bet you're worrying for nothing neodk.

Story of my life.

They don't have to call your references. Checking references is typically one of the last things done before extending an offer. They don't do it unless they're serious about you. Good luck.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

I have to quit smoking. my cough never went away and now I have follow ups with pulmonary and ENT.
I'm so scared of the weight gain in quitting as ludicrous as that sounds.
ah but it's time. and just think of all the money I will save!!

Yup! Money money! You can do this.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

I have to quit smoking. my cough never went away and now I have follow ups with pulmonary and ENT.
I'm so scared of the weight gain in quitting as ludicrous as that sounds.
ah but it's time. and just think of all the money I will save!!

I quit 25 years ago, thankfully.
I am the first to admit it's very tough to quit. My heart goes out to anyone trying and unable to quit. I chewed a lot of nicotine gum and was addicted to it; loved it! I'd finally decided I could chew regular gum and get nicotine from patches and stood a better chance of quitting the nicotine that way. It took many tries to quit; however, it finally took. I am now repulsed by the odor of cigarettes.

I believe you can do it, jacky!


WC

[hopeless2015]

Jacky8807, I'm in the same boat. I have to have a cat scan of my lungs on the 30th.
Home again today, just woke up at 1 and I do actually feel better. I think steroids are kicking in. I'm going to shower in a bit and go pick up other prescriptions and put gas in my car.

[Nammu]

Jacky you can do it! My daughter quit again as she's pregnant but hopefully it will stick this time.

[Daonnachd]

Jacky, determination and perseverance. Good luck.

I have to take my sons to the dentist later today, but so far nothing real has happened in my day. I say "real", because last night I dreamt of experiencing grandiosity and pressured speech. A strange dream to wake up from.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

It was my understanding that what happened in DBSA stayed in DBSA, but the organizer asked me to talk about bipolar on Oahu community television. He told me I would be great at it, and offered me $50.

Via email:

Your email response is well-written and your stance so very understandable.

WC

[Faltering]

I had akathisia again last night, so I didn't sleep well. I was hoping this med would work out, but it isn't looking promising. My pdoc arranged Latuda and Vraylar to be backup meds to try. The problem is both are too expensive and I'm losing my insurance soon. I'm trying to stay optimistic that my mood and psychosis can be managed. Today is the three year anniversary with my boyfriend so we will be going out for dinner. I look forward to it. Still, I know my eating disorder and social anxiety will make it uncomfortable.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Faltering

I had akathisia again last night, so I didn't sleep well. I was hoping this med would work out, but it isn't looking promising. My pdoc arranged Latuda and Vraylar to be backup meds to try. The problem is both are too expensive and I'm losing my insurance soon. I'm trying to stay optimistic that my mood and psychosis can be managed. Today is the three year anniversary with my boyfriend so we will be going out for dinner. I look forward to it. Still, I know my eating disorder and social anxiety will make it uncomfortable.

Akathisia is horrible.
I hope you can get your needs met.
There is a coupon for Latuda online; it doesn't make it cheap for everyone though.
Congrats on the 3 yr anniversary!
Try to enjoy yourself tonight.

WC

[Moose72]

My son bought me lunch! Ok just a milk shake but still.

[jacky8807]

thanks everyone for the support!
hopeless...i hope your testing goes ok

I'm already planning a car payment with the money I will save each month lol

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

thanks everyone for the support!
hopeless...i hope your testing goes ok

I'm already planning a car payment with the money I will save each month lol

There ya go!

Originally Posted by jacky8807

thanks everyone for the support!
hopeless...i hope your testing goes ok

I'm already planning a car payment with the money I will save each month lol

I plan to quit smoking soon myself. I want a little more time of wellness behind me and true stability before I try though. Good luck to you.

Today has been good with no crying spells so far. Progress is still being made. My therapy appointment is more than a month away which gives me some time to get myself together and put together a list of goals. I want to learn CBT to help cope with psychosis. I don't think I'd survive another episode as strong as my last. I'm still having psychosis on and off but I'm able to function a bit in between and I'm getting happy times again so I'm grateful. I have so much stress, the future is scary but I'm trying to stay mostly in the moment for now and keep taking baby steps. I've got a list going of goals and fun things I want to learn once I'm better.

Originally Posted by Nammu

Jacky you can do it! My daughter quit again as she's pregnant but hopefully it will stick this time.

A new baby!!! How fun! Congrats on your upcoming bundle of joy.....blessing to you and your family.