[wildflowerchild25]

I feel so bad for all of you that live with severe anxiety on a daily basis. I literally made myself sick with anxiety starting about 8pm last night over a job interview. I'm still getting waves of chest pains and nausea, though they are less frequent now. I don't know how you all do it! I felt like I couldn't breathe for basically the whole day. And then sitting outside the interview office waiting I had to surreptitiously do deep breathing exercises because I was almost shaking and felt like I was going to pass out! I've never had this much anxiety over a job interview before. I think it was because my confidence in my performance is pretty low now that I've been fired.

And then on the ONE DAY I send my son home on the bus (I pick him up from aftercare every day), the bus is 15 minutes late! I was LOSING IT! He's only six so he doesn't have a cell phone so I have no way of knowing where he is, part of the reason I put him in aftercare in the first place.

Now that all is said and done I've calmed down quite a bit. I might actually sleep tonight. Last night I got about 4 hours of sleep :-/

I'm pretty convinced that I won't get this job or any other job though because of my non renewal. At least not in public school. I put in an application to my dream job last night (special ed private school that I attended) but I don't know if I'll hear back. I might not because I don't technically have a standard special ed cert yet, just a provisional. But if I don't my plan is to sub in the special services school where I work the ESY program as an aide. Or if an aide position becomes available i will apply for that. Maybe I'd do better as a para anyway.

But at least the anxiety has calmed down. I really felt like I was dying! I don't know how you guys make it through that every day. Props to all the anxiety sufferers!

[Victoria'smom]

I'm glad the anxiety passed. Hopefully you get the job or the para job.

[jacky8807]

yeah anxiety is a beast.
you will find your spot wildflower!

[Sunflower123]

Yes, severe anxiety and panic attacks are brutal. I'm glad you are feeling better and sorry that it happened to you. I hope you get the job.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Good luck with the job. The right thing will happen. The best job I ever had I stumbled into because I had been fired. Twice. In 9 months. And they did know that.

[raspberrytorte]

Anxiety sucks.

Good luck, wildflower! You'll get the job.

I asked my magic eight ball. It said: As I see it, yes.

[benzenering]

Yes, anxiety is awful. Thank goodness for meds!

[Moose72]

Am I the only one who is banned from anti-anxiety meds here?

[benzenering]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Am I the only one who is banned from anti-anxiety meds here?

May I ask why? There are several nonaddictive ones. I take propanolol, for example.

[Moose72]

I take propanolol too but that can't be taken in the moment.

[glowsinthedark]

yes, anxiety SUX! I just had an interview the other day too and I was a total wreck before, during, and after. I used to get so anxious before a day of teaching - even just a simple 50 minute discussion section - that I wouldn't sleep at all the night before and would be completely destroyed the rest of the day. Luckily I hide it very well and people seem to think I'm really extroverted and confident (NOT!), but anxiety is the main reason I decided not to pursue a career in teaching after grad school...as far as I'm concerned you are a total rock star for doing it everyday

[~Christina]

I am so sorry you had to deal with the anxiety to that degree

I do think a job is going to come along that will be a good fit .... You deserve it !

[lilypup]

I am not banned but get this:
1) This morning my pdoc said benzos can cause Alzheimer's and cognitive issues, especially in women.
2) Yesterday my tdoc (who is pretty knowledgeable about meds) said that too much cortisol running around your system can cause a shortened life. So you SHOULD take benzos to relieve anxiety. She says benzos are safe (other than the addiction factor) and there is a 45-50 year history of using them.

So what to believe?
My pdoc gave me gabapentin (is getting rid of the Buspar for anxiety). She also gave me 30 .5 Klonopin for prn. So I have no idea.

Wanted to add that I have a friend who was let go or "fired" four times from teaching jobs. She finally decided teaching was not for her. She didn't do anything wrong necessarily...just found it hard to keep up with everything a classroom required. She is now doing para work and really likes it. She also works at a cosmetic counter (department store) at night and likes that a lot. There is certainly hope after losing a job.

[Gabyunbound]

I suffer from severe anxiety every single day, it's hell, especially when it paralyzes me from doing anything.

For those who talk about propranolol, my understanding is that it's just for the physical manifestations of anxiety (i.e. shaking), so I take it on my way to work (I get shaking hands and sometimes knees at work, especially in the beginning) and my pdoc says it doesn't last long in the system. I also take klonopin every morning. I take an extra one when I feel paralyzed, which helps me to get up and get things done, even though it makes me feel a bit tired. I think both work well for me, in tandem, in different ways.

Wildflower, you deserve another teaching job and I hope the best for you! Just keep at it, as you have done, and at some point I'm sure you'll be successful. Maybe not the first time, but keep going! You can do it!

[wildflowerchild25]

Now I'm up thinking about my application to my dream job and how I could get an interview without seeming pushy. I just can't stop obsessing. It was the job interview, then trying to figure out what to do with my life, now this application, any application, all applications.
My chest hurts and I have a headache from the tension. My stomach has been ****ed up for two days. I still feel like I can't breathe. Just fear tight in my chest.

Maybe I should ask my pdoc for prn klonopin during this time period just to get me through. The valerian root is not cutting it. I don't see her until June 5 though. I don't know if she would do it. I haven't taken klonopin in at least two years, probably closer to three, so she wouldn't think I'm drug seeking. Maybe I'll call and leave her a message tomorrow. Although I don't think benzos can be called in so I'd probably have to wait until June 5 anyway.

I just can't take this. I need to be able to breathe and sleep. I don't like smoking a pack a day. I need to calm the **** down.

Anxiety is the worst....it's truly awful. I hope you find something which provides relief.

[Unrigged64072835]

Yeah anxiety can be a real bear, especially when you're trying to appear confident. I'm sure there are other people who are nervous too.

Definitely get something for the anxiety. Since it may be situational you may not need it for too long.