[MatBell]

Have any of you been in, or is currently in, a support group? Do you like it?

I ask because I've had a bad experience today of feeling left out of the group, especially by one person in particular. And it really got to me, now I'm so low, sad and feel so alone. I felt like the person was only interested in everyone else, and I felt left out and just wanted to leave right away. I only got more quiet and that didn't help the situation. I guess I was jealous of the attention the others got, I know it's my issues in the end. Now I just consider stop going because I can't take any more of this where I'm just so incredibly sad, more than before I went.

What do you think?

[gina_re]

I've been to a support group and I loved it. Was this your first time? I ask because sometimes the first time can be intimidating because you're not familiar with how the group works. It can take a few visits to really feel comfortable enough to share and/or give advice. I think it's great that you're reaching out for help through a support group. I would give it a couple more tries to see how comfortable you feel before quitting. Sometimes the first time can be a fluke where something happens that rarely ever does.

[*Laurie*]

I attend a support group and I facilitate another support group. I'm sorry you feel hurt about what went on in your group. Here's the thing: It would probably be really helpful for you to bring up how you felt after today's group the next time your group meets, because how you feel about being left out could give you some important information about yourself to work with.

[IntentOnHealing]

I agree that you should give it another try, that it might be a good idea to bring up how you felt left out, and also that flukey things can happen the first time you show up. Adding another member--no matter who that person is--will change the dynamic always and that can throw off any group temporarily.

As for your intense sadness, you are depressed, honey, and it's been bad. Really bad, and for a long time too. You're worn thin. Things being less than ideal at the group would logically deepen that sorrow for anyone. It's not just you being...anything at all! I think your feeling sad after being---or even after simply feeling or thinking you were--ignored is perfectly normal for the situation. I am so sorry this happened to you. Really sorry, love.

Tell us what you need. Specifically. Would you like to pm? Do you need reminders of how wonderful you really are? (You really are!) Do you want to play an online game? Do you need to go away and give yourself some more intensive self-care (bath, good food, sleep)? Do you need to "complain" in more detail about what happened? Do you need something not mentioned here?

Someone recently sent me "hugs and popcorn." I am now sending those things to you!

[fishin fool]

I attend a support group and I like it, there are always a couple of people that try
to add their opinions and advice even when it's not called for.
I have learned to let it go like water off a ducks back.
If this group doesn't work out for you maybe there are others you can try.
Sometimes a group is just not the right fit for you so you try another, very much
like finding the right therapist.

[glowsinthedark]

That would make me feel bad also, and I agree with others that you should bring it up if you feel comfortable. I've only ever been to 2 groups - one was very small (I think 4 other people) and I liked it a lot. The other one I only went to once and it was in a hospital and I did not relate to anyone and left feeling worse. If you feel you *could* relate to the people at your group I would give it another shot. If it was just bad chemistry maybe try a different one (?)

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by IntentOnHealing

I agree that you should give it another try, that it might be a good idea to bring up how you felt left out, and also that flukey things can happen the first time you show up. Adding another member--no matter who that person is--will change the dynamic always and that can throw off any group temporarily.

As for your intense sadness, you are depressed, honey, and it's been bad. Really bad, and for a long time too. You're worn thin. Things being less than ideal at the group would logically deepen that sorrow for anyone. It's not just you being...anything at all! I think your feeling sad after being---or even after simply feeling or thinking you were--ignored is perfectly normal for the situation. I am so sorry this happened to you. Really sorry, love.

Tell us what you need. Specifically. Would you like to pm? Do you need reminders of how wonderful you really are? (You really are!) Do you want to play an online game? Do you need to go away and give yourself some more intensive self-care (bath, good food, sleep)? Do you need to "complain" in more detail about what happened? Do you need something not mentioned here?

Someone recently sent me "hugs and popcorn." I am now sending those things to you!

--response. I love the responses here. Yes, do try again, and/ or try another group. Remember that this is real life and unless there is a professional or excellent peer facilitator, this is not a totally sheltered environment. Games like youre the new kid, etc etc etc will occur just like we have to deal w everyday in life. Its good practice. Yes, call them out if they hurt you as you would stand up for yourself anywhere. We are not so depressed when we stand up for ourselves in a civil way. You can say u r really vulnerable right now and would appreciate their support in becoming comfortable there. hugs!

[Wild Coyote]

Great replies!

I hope you'll try it again.
I also hope you'll take Laurie's suggestion about sharing how you're feeling with the group. Sharing with the group is a part of the process and is also a part of the group exchange that encourages group cohesiveness. Others will feel accepted by you as you share.


WC

[Sunflower123]

MatBell I was so glad to see you post. I've been worried about you. That's great that you're reaching out here and going to a support group. As a shy person, I know how rough it can be the first few times in a support group but I agree that letting the group know how you're feeling might break the ice so to speak. Please try again and let us know how it went.

I haven't joined a support group because I'm concerned with the anonymity that I would lose as a result. My wife has pushed me to join a support group at church but I get concerned with knowing the people there and having my mental baggage out on display for everyone to see and criticize. Above all else, I hate people. I don't like being in large groups of people where I may draw attention to myself or small groups of people where there can be a fixed amount of attention on me at all times. I prefer one on one interactions, and that is where I have been told I am at my best.

[Unrigged64072835]

I've been to a few support groups. However, they're usually across town and go on until it's late at night. I know with people's work schedules and whatnot it's that way but I don't stay up late anymore. I also don't like driving at night--people are crazy drivers here.

[Naynay99]

I've been going by to the same support group near me for years and it's so somfortable. I could not go for 6 months but when I go back I know everyone and it's easy and not awkward or anything.
But recently I've also been going to a group near where my pdoc office is, Close to where I used to live but like 35+ min away. I've needed some extra support. And it's uncomfortable and awkward as shiit. At least until meeting officially starts no one really talked to each other and it didn't feel welcoming one bit. But I have been going like a for a month now most weeks and I have starTed to meet ppl and feel a little more accepted. The ppl aren't rude or anything. It's just that wanting to say something but never seeming to ono how/when to jump in. When it feels like others are able to naturally join the conversation I sort of feel like my timing is always off and somebody else speaks just as I was about to. But now I feel a bit less awkward I am bolder to just jump in and interrupt and give my 2 cents so to speak and it has been helpful I think.
So I hope u give it a chance. The ppl make a huge difference and every group has a bit of a different personality and way of doing stufff. But overall I find it a supportive place where I can say stuff I can't talk about elsewhere.
Anyway take care.