Therapist makes me feel worse about myself

I just got back from my psychologist now and it went really bad. I feel like she's criticizing my life choices making me feel even worse. Aren't they supposed to make you feel better about yourself? Last time we met it went good, we talked about positive things in my past, and I left feeling so good and had some great days. Now I just feel awful about myself and don't have any motivation to do anything, I just want to do nothing all day now. I do feel me and my psych get on for the most, but sometimes she can say something a bit harsh, and when you're vulnerable it's really tough. Like saying that I have made mistakes in my life choices and therefore wasted a lot of years. Like what am I supposed to do about it now, I can't go back in time. I'm just sad that it has to destroy my day, when I went feeling good and now feeling so bad.

Do you feel comfortable talking to her about this next time you see her? Tell her what is helpful to you and what is not.

If you feel worse after your therapy session, and after attending a support group, do you think there are things you can do to work on yourself that would turn that around?

I don't know. Maybe.

Sometimes therapists bring the harsh realities of our lives and our choices to the forefront.

Rather than letting it pull you down, can you look at it from the perspective of planning toward a future where you make better choices, have different goals, etc. so as try to prevent repeating those same patterns?

Right. It's just the way she said it. I think it works better when she encourages me, motivates me to do things. When she criticize me I just get down, feel awful with myself, and I don't want to do anything all day. What's the point of going there if I only get more down on myself

Group therapy has had this effect on me....some pdocs too. My therapists have had "looks" that were unhelpful but never criticized me and that tactic would not work for me. Some people find it motivating so I guess some therapists keep doing it. It's playing with fire and dangerous business with the wrong person and I think it shouldn't be done. You can't change the past so saying anything about years you've wasted is pretty freaking disgusting stuff. Encouraging you to do better, helping you explore why you made poor choices is good. I second the recommendation of telling your therapist how this effected you and seeing if you can work beyond it and define better parameters for what is motivating for you personally. Therapists are human too and make mistakes. Perhaps you could help them not make them in the future by pointing out the issue?

Maybe you could print off this thread and bring it to your next appt. It might be easier than saying what you feel.

Yes I think it's playing with fire too. She has some weird comments. Last time, when I told her about something I did to better myself she asked "what do you see as valueable in that", and I came up with that I think I become less judgmental of others, then she had a weird look and said "but you are very judgmental of others". And when I'm depressed and can't do certain things (like going cross city for something we talked about), she says that the distance is just a "bad excuse". Just strange comments I think, and they don't help in any way, just makes me more guarded and annoyed with her.

some therapists do that.

I have had some, let's say, pretty **** therapists in the past

need I say anymore?

I don't believe it is a therapist's job to make you feel better. Rather it is their job to gently lead you to look at your life critically. They are there to then teach and guide you to challenge yourself in either coping with those difficult things in/about your life and hopefully give you skills to make change. Simply affirming your point of view does nothing to encourage personal growth.

Call him or her on it however. You shouldn't be feeling so much like crap. Even in a negative session you should still be provided some encouragement. Tell this person how you felt after this visit. On the positive side they may have some insight in this that could be helpful. At worst, you have voiced your opinion and their style ought to be adjusted as a result.

Well I disagree. I think they should encourage you - the progress you make - in tough times. Her comments get in the way of me "looking at my life critically". They do nothing constructive. It may work for you.
And I don't want her to just affirm what I'm saying. But there's a big difference between that and the comments she's making.

is changing therapists currently an option for you?

i've been through 9

I know for me I know what i'm looking for, and some therapists don't have that

i think you should consider changing to a new therapist. think of it this way...if this is what she's saying --to your face-- , imagine what might be in her records.

When do you see your T next? I think she may not be a good fit for you...maybe talk about how the sessions and her "style" leave you feeling worse and it's not helping you. If she isn't responsive to changing to meet your therapy needs, I'd look for a new T. xo

No kidding! Good point!

I think you need to look at getting another therapist that is a better fit. While I slightly agree with one of the posters that her job is to gently lead...it doesn't sound like she's doing that. I do not agree that a therapist's job is not to make you feel better. Sometimes the only thing standing between you and oblivion is said therapist. If she just makes you feel worse when you're already hurting....not good.