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Old May 11, 2017, 07:47 PM
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cashart10 cashart10 is offline
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Location: KY
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Seriously...cross me.

I am physically and emotionally exhausted but my ****ing mind won't shut the hell up. I could ****ing cry. But what would that do? I took 2 extra Klonapin...should have taken 4 but I'm afraid I won't wake up in the morning if I do and I have **** to do and an appt at iop tomorrow. My mind is drained and leaking into my head. It will certainly explode. I want to take a long ****ing never ending shower. But, if I do, I won't come out. Besides, I really don't want to straighten my hair. Someone please take this from me. I cannnnnotttt handle it right now.

California Dreamin:



Just listen...it will ****ing blow your mind.
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Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
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  #2  
Old May 11, 2017, 07:51 PM
franz kafka's Avatar
franz kafka franz kafka is offline
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Location: NY
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Agitation is the worst. So sorry you're feeling this way. Perhaps IOP will be helpful? Do you see your pdoc soon?
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dx: schizoaffective bipolar type; OCD; GAD
rx: clozapine, clonazepam PRN
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  #3  
Old May 11, 2017, 07:57 PM
cashart10's Avatar
cashart10 cashart10 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by franz kafka View Post
Agitation is the worst. So sorry you're feeling this way. Perhaps IOP will be helpful? Do you see your pdoc soon?
Thank you it IS the worse...it feels like it won't end. I saw pdoc today and see her again next thurs as well. As much as I would love to ditch my meds is how much I hope the Depakote works.
__________________
*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
Hugs from:
Wild Coyote
  #4  
Old May 11, 2017, 08:21 PM
Wander's Avatar
Wander Wander is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
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So sorry you are going through this Cash. Agitation is from hell. Right now I am exhausted and agitated too but not at the level you are experiencing. It makes life so difficult and painful. Can you go for a walk, get outside for a bit. I find that calms me a little. Maybe take extra PRN to ease your suffering. I wish I knew how to stop it but i do know it will pass. When did you start the Depakote? What does your pdoc suggest to ease the agitation? Hang in there and stay safe. Sending huge HUGS through the ether to you.
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"Phew! For a minute there I lost myself."

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  #5  
Old May 11, 2017, 08:33 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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How much depakote are you taking? I found that enough of that stuff was pretty calming but it took a lot for me (an unusual amount but I had a weird problem with keeping my levels up). I hope it kicks in for you really soon. That agitation is the worst feeling.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD.
Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily
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  #6  
Old May 11, 2017, 08:51 PM
cashart10's Avatar
cashart10 cashart10 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: KY
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Well...my husband did cross me...you can only imagine the perfect timing and I lost it and so did he and there was no middle ground. None at all. My babies were in bed...us, downstairs but I'm sure they can still hear us. He said I am the most selfish mfer he has ever known. Boom.

Major
Possible trigger:
__________________
*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
Hugs from:
jacky8807, Wild Coyote
  #7  
Old May 11, 2017, 09:09 PM
Victoria'smom's Avatar
Victoria'smom Victoria'smom is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2012
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I'm sorry, I don't feel your selfish. Stay safe.
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Dx:
Me- SzA
Husband- Bipolar 1
Daughter- mood disorder+


Comfortable broken and happy

"So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk
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  #8  
Old May 11, 2017, 09:11 PM
BeyondtheRainbow's Avatar
BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 10,284
Not selfish. Sick. He always struggles with that when you aren't well. It's part of the pattern. Trust us and your providers on this.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD.
Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily
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Thanks for this!
jacky8807, Wild Coyote
  #9  
Old May 12, 2017, 02:04 AM
Anonymous59125
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Posts: n/a
Thinking of you Cash.
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  #10  
Old May 12, 2017, 04:08 AM
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jacky8807 jacky8807 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: jakevill
Posts: 2,622
Hope you wake up feeling sunny
but not too sunny
somewhere in that magical place known as the "in between"

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I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning, I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand
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  #11  
Old May 12, 2017, 01:22 PM
cashart10's Avatar
cashart10 cashart10 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: KY
Posts: 3,667
Thank you for your support. I feel exactly the same except very, very tired. I hope I am coming down to sanity and not just a psychotic depression. I am the worse.
__________________
*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
Hugs from:
Victoria'smom, Wild Coyote
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